Saint Bernadette

When you’re trapped inside to avoid the dreaded “wintry mix”, a terribly bland yet dangerous concoction of various forms of H20, all you need to wet your whistles is a little creativity and whatever can be found in the kitchen + bourbon and whiskey.

Here are recipes guaranteed to lift your spirits and keep you entertained until you can safely leave home again:

THE FAUX-LD FASHIONED

INGREDIENTS:
Bourbon
Bitters
Ice
Marmalade of questionable age

TO DO:
Muddle the marmalade and bitters til it’s good and smashed up
Add ice and bourbon

Serve in whatever glasses are clean.

THE SHAKE WEIGHT
(improvised whiskey sour)

INGREDIENTS:
Whiskey
1 shot ginger syrup (see below)
1 egg white
squeezed lime juice (should be lemons but we have limes so that’s how it is)

TO DO:
Add all ingredients to shaker and shake it to shit – see video.

Serve in oddly shaped glasses that someone bought at a flea market.

Enjoy and stay warm!

luv,
Saint B

Nothing builds character like a litany of humiliations. Use your time at the airport to collect as many character-enriching experiences as you can. Here’s a list of some we tried this holiday season and we can feel the possibility of our future qualification for the Nobel Peace Prize building as we speak!

1. Attempt to “relax.

Sink into the airport experience at the XPress Spa by getting a pedicure only to be interrupted by a false alarm boarding call. This will result in the hideous display of brutal humanity referred to as the “paper sandal shuffle”. You’ll struggle to hold onto your luggage, your socks, and your self-respect as you simultaneously announce to the world your vanity AND ruin the $50 toenails. (For best results try the shade “I’m Not Really a Waitress” by OPI.)

2. Develop fake relationships with celebrity look-alikes.

We all love to people-watch at the airport. Take it one step further by settling on a few of your favorites, name them for their closest celebrity lookalike (ours was Johnny Depp) and then stare as much as possible until you become “aware” of each other. As you walk around the rat maze-like environs of your gate, seeing your new cele-friend will help prepare you for that swiftly approaching day when all of your character building exercises finally land you in the company of the real celebrity. And after all this research, you’ll have tons to talk about!

3. Compose uninformed, judgmental dismissals of complete strangers’ total existences based on their choice of footwear.

Though it is written “judge not, lest ye be judged“, there’s nothing wrong with practice judging at the airport. Flexing your judgment muscles is a great way to learn about how wrong and petty judging others can be. Taking this consequence-free opportunity to cruelly size-up complete strangers will assist you on your journey toward fair and balanced thought, compassion and forgiveness. It’s a lot like working out those small, helper muscles that support your larger muscles while you’re working your abs and butt.

And, of course, it has also been said “you can tell a lot about a person by their shoes.”

4. Take this time to avoid the food court slop and investigate the organic, gluten free treats at Hudson News. After some droopy chicken and lettuce at Au Bon Pain, we liked these yummy treats from Mrs. May’s Naturals.

5. Ask super-familiar-faced-yet-unnameable-character-actor tragically trapped here with the rest of the F-list why he looks familiar.

Snapshot of the unidentified yet totally familiar charactor actor - please email your suggestions

and finally, the best of all . . .

6. Bud into young people’s conversations about their ever-delaying flights to inform them that they don’t want to go to New York City for New Year’s Eve anyway.

You’ll feel momentarily better and these young people will have benefited from your superior knowledge. The NYPD will thank you!

Safe Travels!

Now that both Lent and March Madness are no longer preoccupying your time how about heading on down to Acoustic Cafe Thursday April 8 at 9pm for a show of great wildly diverse music. All these bands have both talent and groovy names in common. This show is as diverse as Bridgeport and Greenwich. Brittany and Dylan, ham & cheese and tofu. Okay we’re exaggerating but you get the point.

The Few Shoes jam great rock and blues. Sketch Tha Catacylsm is a barefoot hip hop rapper. The female led The Yutes perform blues and folk while Jerkagram gets off musically that is on terrific pysch rock.

Thursday April 8 at Acoustic Cafe for just five bucks. Half the price of a movie, twice as long and five times as good as most. Don’t miss it. I know we say that a lot but that’s because there is a lot of great music happening right here folks. WE know that you realize Connecticut it ain’t just wannabe Martha Stewart’s hanging out but bring your friends who aren’t so smart.

Okay if you haven’t yet seen Jackson for the once a month Downtown Comedy Show he puts on at the Metric Bar & Grill you better get your butt in gear so you can tell your friends, lovers and grandchildren too that you know this guy before he busted out to the big, big time.

Featuring comedians from HBO, Comedy Central, Showtime and more!!! Hosted by comedian Jackson!! Its all at Metric Bar and Grill 39 Cannon St. (downtown) Bridgeport, CT Showtime 930pm!! Ten dollars at the door and worth every sheckel.

Order food while you’re there cause The Metric can cook up a storm but be warned you might laugh so hard you could spit up your chicken wings and look like the fool.

Oh yeah and Jackson’s got a brand spanking new OPEN MIKE night every Thursday at Metric. Comics, poets hip hop artists and more. Give him a holler on Facebook and keep up to date. His posts are part Martin Luther King, part Richard Pryor with a dash of lord knows what which equals 100% Jackson.

Check out New Jackson City on YouTube. We can’t post it here because, well it’s a newspaper blog and the you know what is just a bit too real.

Okay so if you already decided to come to Acoustic Cafe and see us perform don’t read this. We don’t want you to feel torn up about the abundance of things to do in yes, here in BRIDGEPORT.

Okay so here’s the deal. In conjunction with exhibit ART/BPT:2010 City Lights Galley will present a screening of short films and video projections all about Bridgeport. Good and bad, memories and dreams and hopes and fears.

Discussion to follow featuring Bridgeport mavens Michael Daly of the Connecticut Post, Brad Durrell of the Bridgeport News and Lenny Grimaldi of ONLY in BRIDGEPORT fame. Chili dinner for both meat lovers and vegetarians starts at 5:30 and the screening begins at 6:30. Suggestion donation of $10. RSVP REQUESTED.

Okay this post might get the least advance notice award but between the 9 to 5 and getting ready for our three week tour accept my apologies and hopes that at least of few of you will catch this and head on over to Cafe Nine in New Haven to see Lauren Ambrose and the Leisure Class. The show starts at 9 pm.

Which means you better hurry up and get there or become a fan on Facebook and catch her next show.

You might know here as the actress from Six Feet Under but don’t let that fool you. Ambrose and her band are top notch swinging a variety of Pop standards and other tunes that will make you wonder why some folks get double doses of talent.

Being an artist who works for little money and sporadic attention news of the suicide of celebrated bad boy fashion designer Alexander McQueen left me humbled at the randomness of life, the unfairness of celebrity, happiness and what it takes to create a self-made life as an artist or just an everyday Jane.

It would seem like someone who had such acclaim should be happy. Especially when that someone did it his own way, without the agreement of the establishment and who rose to great prominence in spite of them. After all don’t money and success especially when doing something you love always lead to happiness?

Of course, as proven time and time again the answer is an obvious NO.

Yet we are lucky to be surrounded by so many inspired creators who need to do their work, be it music, writing, dance, photography whatever the hell it is that turns them on, without so much attention. The need to create is what drives them.

So like our friend Bridgeport comedian Jackson noted, in of all places his Facebook page, we are both the slave and our master.

Poor people are often happy. Rich folks often miserable. Same for the famous and the unknown, too.

Well the first two I am sure you already know about but after several drives by Beardsley Park smelling what was either a skunk or some of the finest green smoke ever to appear in Connecticut we read in the New Haven Register that February is that oh so special time of year when skunks mate and their oh so aromatic smell is a sign of love gone wrong.

But the really interesting part is that if the female isn’t interested in her male suitor she just lets go and douses him with a big old spray of skunk juice leaving the male to ponder his heartbreak all alone in the cold.

So if you’re shy around someone you want to get it on with, GO FOR the LOVE. And if she or he tells you NFW console yourself with the knowledge that if love stinks at least you won’t.