Game Plans for Work & Life

Life Planning Specialist

Archive for August, 2009

Grandparents & Babysitting: Whose Terms?

August 25, 2009 at 1:25 pm by Joyce Cohen

QUESTION: I’ve worked 35 years, retired recently, and now I’m almost a full time baby sitter for my grand daughter, age 3. My husband and I love our daughter and her family, but how do we reclaim our peaceful home? We didn’t signed up for another full time job, for sure!

My daughter lives closeby (wonderful), but she relies on my husband and me too much. After I agreed to watch our grand daughter on Mondays, now its 3-4 days a week. AARGHH!.

REPLY:

Great question! You’re not alone in this quandary and it comes up all the time in talks I give across the country. One woman almost echoed your exact words recently: “I’m leaving my job after 39 years and I’m sure not going to confine myself in “a pressure cooker” of raising another generation. Its time to say NO!” Others half jokingly said, “Its time to change the locks, or move a few states away or…Australia sounds pretty good!”

Over 2 million grandparents nationwide are not just babysitting but raising grandchildren. Their average age is 48 and almost 40% still work full time outside of home. With those national stats as background, the name of the game is DEFINE BOUNDARIES while still having fun with your extended family. Its great that your daughter lives close by and you and your husband can still be an important part of their world. However, you have a life of your own that needs to be reclaimed and nurtured.

Have you ever heard a flight attendant say “put the mask on yourself first and then put it on your child (or someone sitting near you acting like a child)!” You get the point. Take care of you first. If you’re fresh, fit, and well rested, you can tackle a host of dilemmas and daily problems. Now let’s apply that thinking to you and your daughter.

Its time to clear the air and begin anew. Let your daughter know that Monday is your “family” day and the rest of the week is devoted to personal time, errands, projects, and volunteering.

Let her know that you’ll be there for her in an emergency; but not on a regularly scheduled basis multiple days a week.

Practice saying “no” in a loving yet firm voice. You worked hard for the rewards that you deserve and have time to enjoy. Don’t get burned out and let regrets and resentment take hold.

There will be exceptions and that’s OK. Just make sure you don’t feel taken advantage of.

On the flip side, be ready when your day with the “munchkin” arrives. We’ll look at that side of the coin next. Every minute should be enjoyed as grandparenting can and should be fun, bonding, and nothing short of amazing for both grandparent and grandchild!

We’re all in this boat together so share your stories of what works, what doesn’t, and let’s learn from each other. Keep those comments coming.

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Staycation: A whole new way to play

August 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm by Joyce Cohen

“Staycation,” the current trend to vacation at or near home, is growing more and more popular these days. If you want to travel but haven’t the time or budget, bring the destination to you. Host a dinner party or evening at home where you enjoy the country where you want to visit by soaking up the music, sites, sounds, aromas, etc. It takes some planning but a fab evening can be enjoyed by all. And if you want to spread the duties around, assign pieces of the festivities to your friends. Saves time and expense and gets everyone involved. Here’s how it works:

1. Assume you want to go to Italy. Other distinations might be Hawaii, Switzerland, Germany, Africa, Greece, India, Tahiti, Mexico or Thailand, wherever! Pick your destination and get busy. Perhaps gather pictures to spice up invitations, create a table centerpiece, make placemats, crazy hats, gather regional recipes, etc.

2. Invite some friends to enjoy an “Italian Festival.” Plan a meal at home with your “destination” as the theme. BENVENUTI or VIVA ITALIA banner across the door, an aroma candle can set the mood, let upbeat music fill the air. Not interested in Italy….Other variations might be An Evening in Paris, Fiesta De Espana, Carnival in Rio, Aloha Luau, DownEast Clambake, to name just a few…give your imagination free reign! Prepare the meal yourself or assign each guest to bring a “piece” of the meal, similar to a “pot luck dinner.” Better yet, cook together by assigning parts of the meal to small groups. Consult favorite cookbooks and have ingredients ready to go. Experiment with flaming dishes, special breads, novelty desserts. Your guests help in planning, creating and carrying off the entire party. Costs are kept down, and its fun for everyone.

3. Increase the mood and festivities with music, decorations, and drinks. Send “theme” invitations to spark creativity and interest (pictures cut from magazines, old posters, etc.). Or try some of these ideas:

· Go to travel agencies and see if they have literature from a country, posters from that region of the world, pictures ready to be discarded, travel maps, etc.

· Exchange “Italian” gag gifts

· Encourage guests to bring a decorated “Italian theme hat”; provide gag prizes

· Play music of that region or country

· Serve wine or drinks from the locale

· Enjoy a “Bocce” game outdoors before or after dinner

· Organize a pasta bar with several pasta varieties and a few sauces; let guests create their own entree

· Create an “Italian” centerpiece for the dinner or serving table

· Decorate a room in the “theme;” let candles light the way

· Provide (or assign) individual favors (takeaways) for guests

· Rent a movie filmed in that region for “after dinner entertainment”

· Enjoy dancing from that geographic region before or after dinner

· Host a sing along featuring songs from that region

· Learn a folk dance from that locale

· Post Italian phrases on a mirror

· Build on these ideas; create better ones

Your dinner might spark friends to host festivities during the year or sponsor other seasonal events such as a leaf raking soup and cider party in the autumn, a wreath or ornament making party during the holidays, skate fest in the winter, or a spring clean up pizza party.

Before you know it, your “VIRTUAL VACATION” may multiply to several “trips” throughout the year. So it’s not only cost effective but also extends festivities to other seasons.

If you get another “Italian urge,” drive over to Providence, R.I. on a summer Saturday night. Eat Italian on Federal Hill and enjoy Water Fire festivities downtown! (Check online to make sure WaterFire festivities are scheduled the night you choose to go).

AAA has several evenings of pre-planning for a vacation. Includes a talk from an expert who has been to the area,

slideshow or video, Q & A, and different scenarios from cost to insurance.

Amanda Cuda (connpost.com) wrote a great piece on ‘Travel to Africa without leaving Connecticut’ at Stepping Stones Museum for Children in Norwalk. ( Check it out, click here.)

Write and tell us about your virtual vacation ideas and plans.

What worked, what didn’t, and what you learned along the way.

Leave comments below.

BENVENUTI!