QUESTION: A reader inquired about returning to work after 18 years away while raising children. She said, “I’m rather shy and that makes me even more nervous about interviewing with people I don’t know. How can I get over this feeling and not appear lacking in confidence? I’m not that way with people who know me.”
ANSWER: Good point and I’m glad you raised the topic. Feeling shy is often a reason for avoiding certain types of work or working altogether unless the work is at home. With the uncertain economy we’re experiencing, returning to work may be even more necessary. Here are a few tips on how to achieve both goals: get back into the workforce and overcome the “shy factor.”
First of all, understand that you’re not in the “shy boat” alone. According to the Shyness Research Institute at Indiana University Southeast, 40% of the U.S. population think they are shy. As a result, shy people tend to believe others observe and judge every move they make. They feel if they don’t stand out, fewer people will judge them. The syndrome gets complicated because, at the same time, they often berate themselves for not being confident and self assured.
TIPS:
- You are who you are. Your may always feel nervous but forcing yourself to reach out anyway is the key. Toastmasters International, the organization that assists people in building comfort with public speaking, says “You may always have butterflies; just make them fly in formation.” I value that quote and repeating it works in many situations. Here’s one I use occasionally: “ I’m nervous, and I’m doing it anyway. Butterflies, do your thing and so will I.”
- Be prepared ahead of time with several points you want someone to know about you . Then find ways to weave those comments into the conversation.
- Have a few questions prepared that will get the other person talking. This is true for both job interviews and for more social situations. In this instance, the best kind of questions are those that can’t be answered Yes or No. You want to get the other person talking. This is good because most people like to talk about themselves and you can enjoy the conversation more as the listener. A couple good examples are questions like “How would you describe what you do daily?” Tell me about a typical day.” Or, “What type of person is successful here?” and “Why do you enjoy the environment so much?” Often, people in that type of conversation say afterwards, “She’s such a good listener.” Or, “He asks very thoughtful questions.”
- Sometimes a more subdued, quiet personality is attractive to counter balance the strong personalities both at work and the social scene. Being quiet and involved can be a very good thing. That’s when people say, “he’s so interested, he’s interesting.”
Lady Bird Johnson may have provided some of the best advice on shyness. “Get so wrapped up in something that you forget to be shy.” You might also benefit from attending Toastmasters meetings in your area. Just log on to www.toastmasters.org, select Member sites across the top, choose Find meeting locations in U.S., zip code search, input your zip code and get an immediate list of locations and times of Toastmasters meetings in your neighborhood. They’re usually 1 day a week over the lunch hour or after work. Meetings are also listed internationally if you happen to be traveling. Its affordable, valuable, and the sooner you launch, the better you’ll feel about yourself and your new or enhanced skills. As always, keep us posted on your progress. Just write a comment in the box. We promise, no speeches necessary!
