Empty Nest Syndrome (ENS) was coined back in the 70’s to describe parents’sense of loss, loneliness, and lack of purpose when children leave home. It used to be women were most affected by ENS; not so anymore. Matter of fact, the reverse seems to be truer now. Men who were away from home working while their children were growing up now have time for family, but their young adults have moved out. Being a parent is forever. However, the time will come when your children will grow up and leave home, leaving the house empty and silent, and time on your hands.
If you’re in an empty nest or see it coming soon, ask yourself:
- How would I rate my level of contentment at home?
- How am I doing? What do I enjoy most? What do I miss? Do I need to make some changes?
- How can I prepare myself and my home for a future empty nest? (it might be time to convert one of their bedrooms into a spa, office, hobby or work area)
- What projects am I considering such as volunteering, travel, job, hobbies?
The 2000 census showed that almost 4 million grown children (mid-20’s –mid-30’s) moved back home due to financial and/or personal reasons. This phenomenon is the “revolving door” or “nest refill.” Add grandchildren to the mix, and it’s time when parents and adult children MUST define boundaries related to home, privacy, time, activities and funds.
Now its easier to stay connected through cell phones, twitter, facebook, phone cards, affordable airfare, instant messaging, email and chat rooms..
Jane’s mother is a great example of an empty nest Mom. She was 100% wife and mother. When her daughters left and her husband died, she became a professional calligrapher and had the time of her life with her new freedom and valued skills. Dads are adapting the strategy of spending more time with younger children who are still at home, or, if they are already gone, create new relationships with them and with grandchildren.
Often mothers become more independent and self confident on their own. They experience enhanced well being and creativity. Recently, lunching with a friend, we noticed this T shirt truth: “The kids aren’t really gone until they take their stuff out of the attic and the basement.” Every parent in the restaurant smiled in recognition.
Now with the kids out of the house, there’s no urgency to shop for food, no worry about where the kids are at night. The house is quieter and neater. Marital intimacy surely can increase. In essence, there’s greater overall satisfaction with life, especially when communication is maintained with adult children.
The final analysis is that when children leave home, you face a transition just as much as they do. Opportunities come to the prepared parent. Greet this time of life with a feeling of adventure and you’ll delete the word “empty” from your nest.
www.emptynest.com Valuable discussion forums for empty nesters and a good site to meet others
Also, on the website, check out valuable ENS books such as:
Its Your Time Now: What Will You Do With It?
Empty Nest: Rediscovering Love and Success
The Empty Nesters Guide
The “Happy” Empty Nest
How to Survive and Thrive the Empty Nest
