I finally got a job…now what?

 

 These tips are written “to calm the jitters” on a new job, regardless of age or experience. Now that you’re in a new position, organizations have their own culture and quirks. Get a head start; here’s how!

 

Before you ever show up for Day I – Check out commute time and alternate ways to get there when traffic problems arise. Observe appropriate attire and dress accordingly. Is a cafeteria on site or do you need to bring your own lunch? Are you permitted to personalize your office? Familiarize yourself with the local area to locate amenities in the neighborhood.  

 Avoid conducting personal business on company time. That includes overuse of all PDAs for personal use and internet access. Learn names; avoid gossip yet express “thanks for the heads up” when pertinent advice is offered.

 Expect A Learning Curve…Everything is new. So relax and take it one day at a time.

 Manage Your Reputation from Day One…Think ahead what “public identity” you want to introduce to the organization?  Think before you speak.

 Important first days: Create your own game plan … From the minute you arrive on Day 1, form a positive first impression with all you meet. Learn the ropes; ask questions; learn about the demands placed on your manager and others near you. Formulate your own learning agenda about where you need to focus and grow, whom will you ask as questions arise, critical work times during the day, week, and month, style of the office, management style and idiosyncrasies of the department.  Find out which skills and talents of yours will be most valued and by whom.    

 Participate in company sponsored Onboarding program…Learn the “lay of the land,” ask questions and expand your knowledge of “how things work.” Obviously you convinced key players that you have significant value to share. During this period, you may complete a myriad of forms; learn about the organization, strategic as well as tactical information. Use this time to learn names and function of key players, the org. chart, required events. Begin to put names with faces, where your expertise may be valued and important. Figure out who are your “go to” people to get things done and identify internal business partners for diverse parts of the organization.

 Get acquainted all around. Take initiative to meet department stakeholders plus others who can make your life easier at work. Put your experience to work. Hint: receptionists, admin assistants, and support staff are often one’s “salvation” on the job.   

 Look for ways to differentiate yourself…Establish your own style, work ethic, consistent behaviors. Look for ways to become a “go to” person in your area.   

 Value Diversity…Engage multiple generations and cultures in your work. Respect differences and invite inclusiveness.

 Take advantage of “knowledge transfer”…learn from experienced workers before they retire. Ask questions and once you have a handle on that subject, pass it on. Knowing how and where to transfer knowledge and creating ways to leave an individual legacy are important for mindful career development strategists.

 Expect New Terminology…Its all around us. Global economy; off shoring; Friday furloughs; mergers and acquisitions; reorganizing, restructuring, flexible work arrangements (fwa); telecommuting, age-related perks, discrimination, are just a few. Learn internal company acronyms, traditions and initiatives.

 Accept Responsibility for Mistakes…Simply put, admit the truth. Debrief what happened, learn from the experience and how to avoid it in the future and move on.

When something similar comes up in the future, “don’t repeat history. “ Make a higher quality mistake next time around.   

 Strive for work/life balance…Control stress; cultivate outside interests, activities, and engage in fun times with family and friends. Don’t just survive, thrive. Watchwords for working today are change (its all we can count on), flexibility (don’t get too comfortable with the current situation), and collaborative communication (more than ever before, fewer people are doing more in less time with limited resources. We must work cohesively with colleagues).  

Keep in mind…    “Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it.”      -Polly B. Berends

 

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

THE INFORMATIONAL INTERVIEW


Once you have identified an organization that may be a good fit for you, try a technique called the “informational interview.” Find a person in an organization where you’d like to work and ask specific questions about the work and employment there. One of the best ways to get an info interview is through third party referrals. Reach out to your network and see if someone knows a person who works at that organization and can arrange an info interview for you. This can also be done by researching recent articles written by someone in that org., or looking the company up in Moody’s or Vault.com.  Due to time constraints, you may need to do the info interview on the phone or online if visiting the site isn’t feasible.

FYI…if you do get to interview someone on site, check out the environment, type of person you meet in the lobby and elevators, level of friendliness, style of clothing people wear.  This is a good way to informally learn about the internal culture and if it really may be a good career fit.  This is a great way to find out if this field and work environment really interests you.

Use the dozen questions below as a guide for what to ask at an informational interview. Scan them and find 3-5 that feel right for you to launch the conversation.

-Describe a typical day on the job.

-Tell me what are the most valued skills and competencies in this department

- What traits, qualities and characteristics are most valued here? (EX:  team player vs. independence, outgoing, creative, quick decision maker or more thoughtful, etc.

- What behaviors are most needed in this environment?

-Describe methods employed to accomplish your work.

-Are there particularly busy times of the year or is work steady throughout?

-Describe the work ethic in this department?

-Would you consider this department more laid back, intense or somewhere in between?

-What are your regular challenges?

-Describe frustrations you continually face.

-If you knew when you first started what you know now, would you still work here?  Why or why not?

-If I have more questions, who else might I talk with who is knowledgeable like you.

Don’t overstay your welcome.  Establish up front you’ll be there for 15 to 30 minutes max. When your time limit is approaching, wind down the visit and ask to stay in touch with the individual on line or by phone. Thank them and get his or her phone and email address if you haven’t already.  .

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

The Resumé

Note from Joyce: Because there are many concerns and questions related to job search, I’ll focus on work related topics for the next several blogs rather than life style issues. If you have individual concerns, don’t wait and “hope” that your topic will be addressed. Send a comment or question; I’ll reply as soon as possible. 

 

Since the last blog was devoted to cover letters, let’s focus on the “other half of that package,” the resumé.

 

The resumé is your sales tool. This is your personal ad, information about you that will communicate your strengths for the job and why you’re the ideal candidate. Select carefully what information you choose to include. It shouldn’t be a laundry list of ALL work you’ve ever done; rather, the resumé highlights your accomplishments.

 

The document includes at least four sections and will be described in more detail below:: 

 

(1) NAME…(caps/bold), address, zip, phone and/or cell phone, email centered at top 

 

(2) SCOPE STATEMENT…usually called a Professional Profile and focuses attention on the breadth of your experience and subject matter expertise

 

(3) FORMAT…Regardless of which format is selected, this section includes proven skills, accomplishments, previous jobs, related experience and expertise. Extra categories such as special talents and value added are included here.

 

(4) EDUCATION / RELATED EXPERIENCE…list most recent first at the end.

 

GENERAL GUIDELINES for resumé creation:

 

•Regardless of the format selected, the document must be well organized and professional, no matter which industry is targeted.

 

•Omit the use of pronouns like I, me, my, mine.     

 

•Limit the resumé to one / two pages.

 

•If you have additional, valuable information, include a separate page at the end and call it Related Information or Sample Accomplishments or Addendum.

 

•Stay with one font style; don’t mix and match. It’s confusing to the reader. 

 

•Use resumé quality paper (24-25 lb wt.) with a watermark.

 

•Select professional color…white, buff, beige, ivory or muted grey. They can be purchased in small quantities at an office supply or stationery store. Have copies printed there or copy them yourself on quality stock paper mentioned above.

•Don’t leave gaps between jobs. If you were in the military or were laid off from a job, say so in the document. Account for your time looking for a new position.

 

•Never include salary information. Save that discussion for the interview. (to be discussed in an upcoming blog).   

 

•Utilize the format that will best showcase your abilities and accomplishments (formats included below)..

Make sure someone you know proofs the document who has a solid grasp of language, grammar, punctuation and word choice.

 

•Place a cover letter on top of the document (addressed to a specific person). See previous blog devoted to cover letters entitled ‘Cover Letters: Polish and Proof!’   

 

Here are guidelines to begin filling in the four sections mentioned above:

 

NAME AT TOP

•At the top of the resumé, state your name (caps, bold) followed by address, phone number and alternate phone such as cell number and email address.

 

SCOPE STATEMENT

It’s called a PERSONAL PROFILE, PROFESSIONAL STATEMENT, or PERSONAL OBJECTIVE. Any heading is OK as long as it focuses the reader on skills being highlighted. It should include your strongest competencies and accomplishments, and entice the reader to want to know more about your talents.

 

FORMAT

Select a format that will showcase your qualifications. Regardless of the format selected, keep your statements short. Start with an action verb, followed by a description of the activity. Always include the result you produced. EX: Supervised four person work team who ensured quality, timely delivery and precise attention to detail.  EX: Acknowledged by customers for fine workmanship and achieving consistent results in a timely manner and within budget.

 

The two most utilized formats are Chronological and Functional.  

 

The CHRONOLOGICAL format highlights continuity in a career path. It is useful when you want to continue or expand in the same or similar profession. It shows advancement, and increased responsibility. Most recent jobs are placed first, showing promotion with less attention on previous, entry level positions. If you have several previous jobs that say the same thing, include a section entitled RELATED EXPERIENCE and lump them together in a statement such as From 1995-2005 gained valuable experience and broad knowledge while working as an internal auditor with three midsized Manhattan accounting agencies.

 

Include information that will “sell” you best. If you have a variety of strong skills, include a section entitled SPECIAL SKILLS or SIGNIFICANT ACCOMPLISHMENTS.  Make up your own that will uniquely showcase your talent.  

As stated above, place education last on the Chronological format and sell your value throughout the document.

 

The FUNCTIONAL Format highlights a broad range of talent and experiences. It is most useful for people who are showcasing their skills for multiple industries or changing careers. The format downplays work experience and focuses on key competencies that may be more useful. Usually two to three functional headings are selected which could include areas like SALES, MARKETING, WRITING, RESEARCH, etc. Then include four to six statements under each function that highlight accomplishments you’ve achieved related to that heading. It doesn’t matter where the skill was acquired. For instance, highlight excellent organizational skills which may have come through volunteer assignments in scouting rather than a prior job.  

 

Once your resumé is complete, give it to a couple people you trust to review. Select individuals who have a keen eye for formats, presentation and grammar, a willingness to tell you the truth (and not placate), and are informed regarding current workplace needs. Omit your lunch pals who may scan it quickly and tell you you’re the best thing since sliced bread without having read it with “a critical eye.”

 

Refer to any of the resume guides for tips and examples of a variety of resumé formats.  They are found online in various job websites, at any library, or in job search guidebooks. A couple of my all time favorites include Tom Jackson’s The Perfect Resumé series, and The Quick Resumé and Cover Letter Book by Michael Farr JistWorks.

 

EDUCATION

Include Education last if you have work experience. Place your most current degree first. (Masters above Bachelors, Bachelors above Associate Degree; If you graduated from High School more than six years ago, say High School Graduate without details. If it’s more recent, include particulars like name of school and type of diploma.

 

As stated at the beginning, your resumé is your sales tool. Select entries wisely and be proud to share your document with individuals who may be able to help you. Don’t make too many copies of it and keep it in memory on a computer so you can quickly make a few changes to it. Two final tips: if you give your resumé to ten people to review, guaranteed, you’ll get ten different opinions. Listen to what is shared and then follow up on the items where you feel there is merit. You’re the last word on what stays or goes! Finally, carry a couple copies of your resumé with you as you never know when you wish you had one “in the moment!”

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Cover Letters: Polish ‘n Proof!

A reader asked about cover letters this week and I thought others might be interested in the reply. “How do you get your cover letter to rise above the others? In other words, how do you get noticed?” Here are proven ways to spiral your document above the rest. Too many job seekers put all their time into the resume and hastily prepare a cover letter.  Big mistake!

First, do your homework and find out how the organization prefers to receive information.  Sometimes “gist cards” are used: 5×7 index cards with specific information such as name, address, contact info, list of skills/talents, type of work preferred, geographical preferences, and education background. Other organizations may scan Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.  Find out how information is preferred before contacting them and proceed accordingly.   

Now, let’s focus on the important cover letter. When conducting a job search, the cover letter goes on top of the resume like a tablecloth covers a dining surface. It introduces you as someone who is professional, organized, succinct and well spoken. It establishes connection and rapport with the reader. It shows you are interested, enthusiastic, sets a friendly tone and invites further communication. It mentions that a resume is enclosed and perhaps refers to a pertinent section of the resume. EX:  As you can see in the objective statement of the enclosed resume, I seek a team environment where I can contribute proven skills in X, X, and X.  

Don’t copy verbatim what you see in job search books. Employers have endured their share of cookie cutter letters that sound like they’re straight from the guides. Be yourself and be grammatically correct. Use your own words and style. It’ll be far more interesting and appealing.

Keep it short, a few paragraphs to one page max.

Ensure the paper color is professional (whites, buffs, beiges, ivory, or muted grey) and stick to quality stock.

Nix the fancy fonts and avoid mixing multiple fonts in the same letter.

Err on the side of brevity. Best advice, “When in doubt, leave it out!”  

The cover letter should be addressed to an actual person. Call the hiring company and find out a name if you don’t know it. Check name spelling to ensure accuracy.  

The cover letter purpose is to whet the appetite of the reader and invite him or her to learn more about you and what you offer.  

I’ll walk through the basic 3 cover letter paragraphs and conclude with a cover letter example.

 The first paragraph shows interest and enthusiasm in the position being offered. Sometimes an attention getting one-liner is appropriate. For example, “I’ve spent the past five years in the state penitentiary (caught your interest, huh?)…cooking as a chef in the statewide corrections system.” After you get the employer’s attention, show you’ve done your homework.  Review their website, know where they’re located and become familiar with their products, sales, future plans.  If you can’t think of a clever or interesting opening line, stay professional and tailor the cover letter to your enclosed resume.

The second paragraph highlights a few of your accomplishments and embedded skills that “fit” with competencies the employer seeks.  An example might look like: 

“Your advertisement states you’re seeking an experienced sales person with proven retail skills, knowledge of the regional retail market, and a strong network in the industry. The appeal for me was instant due to my love of retail, experience as an in store designer, national sales trainer with new store start up and buying experience.”  This paragraph is your chance to communicate value and benefit you bring to the job. Tell the employer that you look forward to doing the same for him or her.

Another way to handle paragraph #2 is to make one strong introductory sentence followed by indenting and listing 2-4 other accomplishments that would intrigue and interest an employer. Here’s how that paragraph might appear: “With 10 years experience in the retail field, I’ve traveled extensively, conducted in-store training, selected merchandise, and taken on key roles in new store startups. Selected accomplishments include:

Indent and add two to three statements of accomplishments you’ve achieved. Make sure the first word is an action verb.  See examples below.

  • Trained and supervised ten sales associates to ensure product knowledge, professional customer relations and attention to detail.                                            
  • Acknowledged by supervisor for creativity, brand expansion, and investing necessary time to ensure quality results with promotions and sales events. 

The third paragraph communicates your availability for further conversation, perhaps a meeting, or time to talk by phone or electronic means. “Enclosed (or attached) is my résumé for your review. Since I’m in the greater Hartford area, I can meet with you at your convenience.  I’ll contact your office within one week to arrange a convenient time.  If you wish to contact me, I can be reached daily at 555.876.4321 or email abcd@xxx.com.  I look forward to further conversation and the opportunity with meet with you soon. 

Regards,

 Name

Resume enclosed

 

Here’s a sample cover letter combining all three paragraphs:

 

Date
Name of Recipient
Company name
Inside Address
City, State Zip Code

 Dear Mr. or Ms. Stonewill, 

I’ve spent the past eight years dressing smartly styled women throughout the region as an in-store designer and image consultant for a major national brand clothier. In reading regional business news, I notice that you’re expanding properties into the northeast which is of great interest to me.

 Your advertisement states that you seek an experienced sales person with proven retail skills, brand knowledge, sales and marketing expertise, and a strong network in the industry. The appeal for me was instant due to my love of retail, experience as an in-store designer, national sales trainer with new store start up and buying experience. Selected accomplishments include:

  •  Managed all hiring, merchandise placement and detail associated with five successful retail store start ups.
  • Built customer and brand loyalty while expanding retail skills.
  • Traveled extensively throughout the region conducting over 35 internal store trainings. Hired or promoted over 20 sales associates.
  • Trained and supervised over 50 sales associates ensuring product knowledge, professional customer relations and attention to detail.                                    
  • Acknowledged by supervisor for creativity, brand expansion, and guaranteeing quality results with personnel and sales events.

 Since I’m in the greater Hartford area, I can meet you at your convenience. I’ll contact your office within one week to arrange a time to get together. If you wish to contact me, I can be reached daily at 555.876.4321 or 555.987.4332 (cell); email is abcd@xxx.com.

Sincerely,

Name

Resume enclosed (or attached)

Note: There is no margin for error when it comes to misspellings and poor grammar. Be sure to check and double proof your work. When you think it is letter perfect, give it to a couple people who have a solid grasp of language and communication. It’d be great if they happen to be a crackerjack grammarian or won their school spelling bee once upon a time. 

 Above all, don’t write yourself out of the running because of sloppy habits, late night efforts and lack of attention to detail. 

If you’re in a job search, and have questions or situations that are nagging or worrying you, send a question or comment below. I’d be glad to reply on or off line.       -JC

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Organizing your stuff: it “ain’t” a mystery!

How many times have you said, “I have to get organized?” Yet, by the end of the day, week, season or year, the mess is piled higher than ever! STOP!  There’s no time like right now to make a serious commitment to “clearing out the clutter.”

A whole industry has emerged from our desire to clean up and make better use of our time and space. Available storage solutions will organize any closet, garage, laundry space, home office, room, cupboard, drawer nook or cranny. You can find these handy devices at home centers, department stores, office supply centers and retail outlets. I’ll list several help sources at the conclusion.

clutterFor now, take a serious look at the piles in your home…on a desk, tucked into corners, on bedside tables, on chairs, or stashed in a closet. Do they represent stacks of unmade decisions? The dilemma, of course, is too much stuff and no designated place to store it. The solution can be a simple, ongoing purging process. Get some file folders, corrugated boxes, plastic bins or large shopping bags.  Label them as below:

Thrift Shop / Sell_______________

Donate ______________________

Repair_______________________

Trash or Toss _________________

Keep or File___________________

Be sure to choose a time of the day to start when you’re most productive. Select a specific area like a closet, a cupboard, a corner, a bookcase, etc. If you only have 15 minutes to spare, find a “15 minute project.”  If you have longer, tackle a bigger area. Go through it thoroughly. Separate things using the system outlined above. Clear an area, make decisions about what to do with the piles, and you’ll be headed to near euphoria with your result.

If you’re organizing paper, get some boxes and 12 file folders. Label each folder with a month of year.  Place the Thanksgiving Day football tickets in the Nov. file, Grandma Gwendolyn’s birthday card in March, etc. If you want to organize further, create weekly files within each month.  Now, keep your momentum going and before long, you, too, can lose 50 or 100+ pounds (of unnecessary stuff) this weekend.

Many people feel like they spend the first half of their life collecting and the second half getting rid of stuff. Accumulating too much actually reduces satisfaction and happiness. A PBS program identified an epidemic of over buying as affluenza –the stress, overwork, waste and indebtedness that result in bloated, frustrated unfulfillment.

Here are some simple affordable tips to get started in major rooms of your residence:

LIVING ROOM..Clear the floor and tables of reading material. Place all newspapers and magazines in a magazine rack or attractive basket. Display or hang personal items seasonally, not all at the same time.

KITCHEN Counters should only hold items that you use daily. Find a storage place for everything else. You’ll learn to love the openness and extra work space.

BATHROOM Use a silverware caddy, hang extra shelving or cover a box or tin to hold toothbrushes, toothpaste, shaving cream supplies, makeup and other toiletries. Find a home for every item thrown in drawers or closets. Free up counter space for fresh flowers or a decorative touch. Get a few behind the door hooks for towels and facecloths.

BEDROOM If night tables are cluttered with books and reading material, adopt the same philosophy as in the Living Room…read and toss or store in a well placed basket..

GARAGE..Sort everything to keep or discard. Once you see what’s staying, divide it into piles and store “like with like.” Identify all the containers that you’ll use. Place all automotive supplies in a box or a designated corner, store all garden supplies in another area. Determine what can be hung or affixed to pegboards. Label each box or container for easy access. Once you start, the rewards will be seen quickly and the end result makes a remarkable difference.

According to professional organizer, Linda Shackleton of Shelton, “besides the clean uncluttered area, you’ll experience a sense of accomplishment that will make you smile with pride.”

If you desire assistance, check out tools available online such as www.containers.com.

Consult magazines like Real Simple, Do It Yourself (DIY) Network or Home & Garden (HGTV). For do it yourselfers, achieve similar results with cleaning supplies, hammer/nails, a few corrugated boxes and some labels .

If you prefer a professional to assist with your project, the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) is available. There’s a NAPO chapter in Connecticut. Contact the group at www.napoct.com to find a professional organizer in your area. The national group can be contacted at www.napo.net. What a great gift to give a friend or family member in need.

What tip do you have when it comes to clearing out “stuff?” Do you have a system to declutter that works for you? I’d love to hear YOUR ideas. Send a comment.

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Save a life…learn about organ donation

 

It’s smart to learn more about saving lives by becoming an organ donor.  Here’s a brief overview:

 

Every day about 70 people receive an organ transplant, but another 16 people on the waiting list will die because not enough organs are available. Statistics for January to June, 2009 are 7,250 donors, 14,191 transplants, and 103, 495 candidates who are on active wait lists.

 

Contact the United Network for Organ Sharing (UNOS), the current contractor for the nation’s Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network (OPTN), at 1-888-TXINFO-1. or, visit their website at www.unos.org.  The OPTN Website also provides transplant and donor information at www.optn.lorg

 

On that website you can also review frequently asked questions and read up to date information about donating organs and tissue, separate myths from facts, read stories about donor and recipient families, review a donor card and a donor brochure.   

 

To launch the organ donation process: 

 

  1. Indicate your intent to be an organ and tissue donor on your driver’s license
  2. Carry an organ donor card
  3. Most important, discuss your decision with loved ones.

 

 

 

 

 

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Work and play balance? How ya doing?

 The following questions strike at the heart of the balance issue. 

            —What good is a high powered career if it makes you miserable? 

            —What good is owning a beautiful house if you’re never home?

            —What good is a passionate hobby if you have no time to pursue it? 

 

Check items that sound all too familiar. Add others that are unique to you. When it comes to work, I’ve been known to:

 

___Skip meals or eat lunch at my desk

___Avoid working out due to long commute or not enough time

___Cancel personal plans

___Reschedule medical appointments

___Be absent from children’s activities, sports events, etc.

___Ignore or not be aware of neighborhood or community activities

___Say yes to another project when my plate is already full

___Worry that I’m not doing enough 

___Go to the office on weekends

___Catch up by coming in early or staying after hours

 ___Cancel personal engagements 

___Take work home

___Take and make calls at home due to work related matters

___Attend after work meetings

___Stay awake worrying about work projects

___Wake up during the night worried about work matters

___Jot notes/reminders about work on a nightstand

___Talk consistently about work related issues at home

___Decline social gatherings because of work priorities 

___Juggle two telephones simultaneously to “get more done”

 

ADD YOUR OWN

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Now, review the list again and, identify which items, if you took action, would bring

about better work balance for you.  Here are some examples :

 

—Stop taking work home as a habit. Ask yourself “Is it urgent and important now?”

—Enlist a trusted colleague to help you break a “workaholic” habit.

—Leave work on time. Ask yourself “Is staying necessary? Why am I doing this?”

—Identify what must be accomplished and leave when its done.

—Plan a stop after work that will revive you (walk, shop, work out, visit a friend, etc.).

—Remind yourself that you need and deserve rest and relaxation.

—Find a way to include ½ hour of exercise in your work day (ex: walk at lunch, download an exercise tape to an ipod, learn chair exercises and do them during the day).

—Plan to take breaks with the funniest person at your worksite.  

Keep going…make your list your own.

 

PERSONALIZED WELLNESS PRESCRIPTION

 

Create your own wellness prescription using some ideas mentioned above and add more that are uniquely you. There’s no time like the present to start. Get a coach if it will help. 

Let us know what you’ve done to “kick the workaholic habit.” We’d like to hear your story. Or tell us  how you maintain balance between work and play during the workweek. 

 ________________________________________________________________________

People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged, sooner or later,  to find time for illness.” 

-John Wanamaker

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Grandparents & Babysitting: Whose Terms?

 

 

 

QUESTION: I’ve worked 35 years, retired recently, and now I’m almost a full time baby sitter for my grand daughter, age 3. My husband and I love our daughter and her family, but how do we reclaim our peaceful home? We didn’t signed up for another full time job, for sure! 

My daughter lives closeby (wonderful), but she relies on my husband and me too much. After I agreed to watch our grand daughter on Mondays, now its 3-4 days a week. AARGHH!.

 

REPLY:

Great question! You’re not alone in this quandary and it comes up all the time in talks I give across the country. One woman almost echoed your exact words recently: “I’m leaving my job after 39 years and I’m sure not going to confine myself in “a pressure cooker” of raising another generation. Its time to say NO!” Others half jokingly said, “Its time to change the locks, or move a few states away or…Australia sounds pretty good!”

 

Over 2 million grandparents nationwide are not just babysitting but raising grandchildren. Their average age is 48 and almost 40% still work full time outside of home. With those national stats as background, the name of the game is DEFINE BOUNDARIES while still having fun with your extended family. Its great that your daughter lives close by and you and your husband can still be an important part of their world. However, you have a life of your own that needs to be reclaimed and nurtured.

 

Have you ever heard a flight attendant say “put the mask on yourself first and then put it on your child (or someone sitting near you acting like a child)!” You get the point. Take care of you first. If you’re fresh, fit, and well rested, you can tackle a host of dilemmas and daily problems. Now let’s apply that thinking to you and your daughter.

 

Its time to clear the air and begin anew. Let your daughter know that Monday is your “family” day and the rest of the week is devoted to personal time, errands, projects, and volunteering.

 

Let her know that you’ll be there for her in an emergency; but not on a regularly scheduled basis multiple days a week.

 

Practice saying “no” in a loving yet firm voice. You worked hard for the rewards that you deserve and have time to enjoy. Don’t get burned out and let regrets and resentment take hold.

 

There will be exceptions and that’s OK. Just make sure you don’t feel taken advantage of. 

 

On the flip side, be ready when your day with the “munchkin” arrives. We’ll look at that side of the coin next. Every minute should be enjoyed as grandparenting can and should be fun, bonding, and nothing short of amazing for both grandparent and grandchild!

 

We’re all in this boat together so share your stories of what works, what doesn’t, and let’s learn from each other. Keep those comments coming. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bookmark and Share
Posted in General | Add a comment

Recent Comments

  • Test Your Wits with these questions:  (2)
    • Joyce Cohen: Yes I do this type of work and I’ll reply with contact information directly to your email address....
    • PATT SLOCUM: Do you help a talented copy writer but probably could be better placed in a higher field…Would be...
  • JOB SEARCH in an iffy economy (6)
    • Joyce: Sue, Great idea – amazing what one sees when the camera doesn’t miss anything. How many of us have...
    • Sue Sanchez: Hey, Joyce Thanks for your tips – I have been practicing my interviewing skills. My husband is...
    • Joyce: Local Eyes – Good for you to take the time to inquire about new ideas on job opportunities. Overcoming...

Categories

More blogs

Jaime DeLoma

Tech Talk

Observations from Jamie DeLoma, journalist and computer nerd.
Saint Bernadette

Saint Bernadette

A patron of Bridgeport by its every definition: a regular patron of its bars and restaurants.
Ken Dixon

Ken Dixon's Blog-O-Rama

Connecticut Politics is a contact sport.
Rich Elliott

UConn women's basketball

Don't miss the latest news on the Huskies.

Archives

March 2010
M T W T F S S
« Feb «-»  
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
293031  
  • Archives

Note: The Connecticut Media Group is not responsible for posts and comments written by non-staff members.