Dating Diva

Out for a fun night with the ladies, I cozied into our corner table at the Tiki Bar. Not exactly known for its style and class, but more for its relaxed, fun atmosphere filled with a few hundred stuffed animal lions, fake palm trees and peanut shells which will stay embedded in your shoe soles for days to come. All in all, exactly what I needed.
A man in like mid-20s came into the bar, dressed up – presumably straight from work – with slacks and an untucked dress shirt. He was an average-looking guy, but for the crowd that had gathered at Tiki, he was quite the looker.
None of my friends or I are “looking” for someone, so we just let it slide. My friend, Andrea, who has the personality of Kathy Griffin and Rachel Dratch all rolled up into a cute 5’3” package, was at the bar ordering a drink when he asked her what she was buying. We all found this hilarious as Andrea completely dismissed his attempts. Someone with so much personality not wanting anything to do with you is usually a bad sign.
Eventually, he made his way over to our table. We were friendly, but I saw where this was heading. Within fifteen minutes, he had told everyone his life story. When Andrea, who as I said is one of the sweetest people I know, began to ignore him, well, I knew he was bad news completely.
But here I was, stuck in a conversation which could be better described as a vicious version of “covering the grenade,” if you will. He continued to tell me that he never wanted to get married. He then made huge assumptions about my friends to me as if he and I were best friends for years and gossiping about my girls while they were right there was okay.
FYI: It was not okay.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, he got a hold of my number and began texting me – violently. We all know my hatred towards textionships. This being fueled with the fact that I was never interested in his advances to begin with coupled with the understanding that the kid was comprised of pure jerk only made the situation worse.
I received over twenty text messages and 2 phone calls in a matter of twenty-four hours. I don’t have time for this. People with personal assistants don’t have time for this.
I’d like this post to be a warning of the following:
1.) You’re not going to get “in” with a girl by becoming over-familiar with her immediately. We have boundaries, too.
2.) If you are approaching a lady at the bar who is with her friends, understand that her friends are her priority – and probably will be until the day you put a ring on it. So no luck trying to conquer and divide the first night.
3.) As much as you’d like to set limits the first night, don’t tell a girl what you’re looking for, or more specifically, what you’re not looking for. It comes off as arrogant. I was clearly not interested, so now, by you thinking I was interested and wanting to set boundaries, I am puking in my mouth a little. This has ruined my night. Understand? Moving on.
4.) Do not, and I repeat again, do NOT text a woman more times than you have fingers on one hand in a solid 24 hours if she does not respond. Yes, she received them. Yes, she is ignoring you.
Has something like this ever happened to you? Share your stories!
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I took the show on the road this past weekend and went to my hometown, Binghamton, N.Y. While I was there, I met up with some of my close friends. One of my best friends , Savannah, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for around 8 years. They own a beautiful house, a dog and a cat. He has a great career ahead of him and she is just about to finish her bachelor’s degree at Binghamton University.
My friend, Carlene, and I always ask her how they’ve kept it alive for so long. And finally, this past weekend, I think she just revealed the secret.
“You have to fight for each other,” Savannah said. “There have been times that I’ve just wanted to stop, and times when he has too, but you have to say, ‘No, what we have is too good.’”
And she’s right. These two love each other unconditionally. Her boyfriend, Tamer, is like an extension of my best friend, and I couldn’t have picked anyone better for her myself.
While their relationship is a great example as to how long-term really can work regardless of distance (he is often on the road for jobs) or time spent apart (their job schedules are somewhat opposite), I can’t help but wonder – even in the strongest relationships – when is it time to quit?
I’ve had my share of heartbreak and I’m sure I’ve been the cause of it as well. Just when you think you’ve found the right person, there is always that glitch – a glitch that may not be either’s fault. And while you may be aware of this glitch from the beginning, it’s hope that keeps you going regardless. Hope that it’ll work itself out because this person is exactly who you’ve been looking for, yet you didn’t know you were looking for them until they came into your life. The Hulk of superheroes in your eyes, perhaps.
Sometimes things don’t work out for a reason – the timing isn’t right, the distance is too far or personalities and goals don’t mesh, or there’s baggage from the past.
I’m a big believer in fate, at this point I have to be. So here’s my take:
As for the timing, it’ll come around if it’s meant to be. The distance can always be taken care of if it becomes serious enough to do so and both parties are willing to settle down. As for baggage, well, each person you meet is an opportunity to start anew. Now about the biggest factor – the personalities and goals: if you’ve found someone who can get you for the genuine you, then they’re a keeper. Fight for them.
Fight or flight is different in every scenario. Sometimes you know when things are done – other times it catches you off guard. But if you genuinely feel you have something left to give to that person and they’re willing to accept what you have to offer, then like Savannah said, you have to say ‘No, what we have is too good.’

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
I’m pretty sure this is a myth set in truth. Stay with me, here.
Fact: When you haven’t seen someone in awhile, it’s their faults that fade away, not their positive attributes.
Fact: Reuniting with loved ones is always great and the steps to getting there can give you that butterflies-we-never-knew-we-loved-each other-this-much feeling.
Myth: Those faults that faded away will continuously remain unhidden after your reunion.
Myth: Absence is a great way to see if you two are meant to be. If you struggle through it, clearly the feelings were worth all the hurt and anguish.
FACT: Absence can, at times, be the devil in disguise.
I’ve never been one to stop a relationship due to distance. I do have my doubts on the ability of these relationships to succeed if distance continues to play a role and there is no plan to eventually unite. But I think the true key to these relationships working is the ability for both parties to be in agreement about the end result.
Will we play it out and see what happens? Should we end it now before emotions are involved? Should one make the sacrifice to move to the other?
I can’t answer these questions – not for myself or for you, unfortunately. It’s only a feeling and a mutual trust between the two of you that will answer these.
What I do know is that feelings are involved with two individuals for a reason. Regardless of if you live with your loved one or if you’re 1,000 miles away. There’s something magnetic that will make or break a relationship. That’s what attracted you to your lover in the first place. It’s the strength of that bond that will hold things together or tear them apart. Be aware of not only that strength, but the ability to break from that strength as well – be it your ability or your partners.
If you don’t think you can make it through with the other person so far away – don’t be ashamed to admit it. Distance relationships are for certain people, not for everyone. Most importantly: whether you cut these feelings off overnight or hide them, just make sure the move you’re making isn’t one you’ll regret later on.
Sometimes things can’t be undone.
So I guess, through our logical explanation the truth is: absence makes a relationship, which can at times be difficult just on its own, a whole lot harder.
Puzzle solved.