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Out for a fun night with the ladies, I cozied into our corner table at the Tiki Bar. Not exactly known for its style and class, but more for its relaxed, fun atmosphere filled with a few hundred stuffed animal lions, fake palm trees and peanut shells which will stay embedded in your shoe soles for days to come. All in all, exactly what I needed.
A man in like mid-20s came into the bar, dressed up – presumably straight from work – with slacks and an untucked dress shirt. He was an average-looking guy, but for the crowd that had gathered at Tiki, he was quite the looker.
None of my friends or I are “looking” for someone, so we just let it slide. My friend, Andrea, who has the personality of Kathy Griffin and Rachel Dratch all rolled up into a cute 5’3” package, was at the bar ordering a drink when he asked her what she was buying. We all found this hilarious as Andrea completely dismissed his attempts. Someone with so much personality not wanting anything to do with you is usually a bad sign.
Eventually, he made his way over to our table. We were friendly, but I saw where this was heading. Within fifteen minutes, he had told everyone his life story. When Andrea, who as I said is one of the sweetest people I know, began to ignore him, well, I knew he was bad news completely.
But here I was, stuck in a conversation which could be better described as a vicious version of “covering the grenade,” if you will. He continued to tell me that he never wanted to get married. He then made huge assumptions about my friends to me as if he and I were best friends for years and gossiping about my girls while they were right there was okay.
FYI: It was not okay.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, he got a hold of my number and began texting me – violently. We all know my hatred towards textionships. This being fueled with the fact that I was never interested in his advances to begin with coupled with the understanding that the kid was comprised of pure jerk only made the situation worse.
I received over twenty text messages and 2 phone calls in a matter of twenty-four hours. I don’t have time for this. People with personal assistants don’t have time for this.
I’d like this post to be a warning of the following:
1.) You’re not going to get “in” with a girl by becoming over-familiar with her immediately. We have boundaries, too.
2.) If you are approaching a lady at the bar who is with her friends, understand that her friends are her priority – and probably will be until the day you put a ring on it. So no luck trying to conquer and divide the first night.
3.) As much as you’d like to set limits the first night, don’t tell a girl what you’re looking for, or more specifically, what you’re not looking for. It comes off as arrogant. I was clearly not interested, so now, by you thinking I was interested and wanting to set boundaries, I am puking in my mouth a little. This has ruined my night. Understand? Moving on.
4.) Do not, and I repeat again, do NOT text a woman more times than you have fingers on one hand in a solid 24 hours if she does not respond. Yes, she received them. Yes, she is ignoring you.
Has something like this ever happened to you? Share your stories!
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