I took the show on the road this past weekend and went to my hometown, Binghamton, N.Y. While I was there, I met up with some of my close friends. One of my best friends , Savannah, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for around 8 years. They own a beautiful house, a dog and a cat. He has a great career ahead of him and she is just about to finish her bachelor’s degree at Binghamton University.
My friend, Carlene, and I always ask her how they’ve kept it alive for so long. And finally, this past weekend, I think she just revealed the secret.
“You have to fight for each other,” Savannah said. “There have been times that I’ve just wanted to stop, and times when he has too, but you have to say, ‘No, what we have is too good.’”
And she’s right. These two love each other unconditionally. Her boyfriend, Tamer, is like an extension of my best friend, and I couldn’t have picked anyone better for her myself.
While their relationship is a great example as to how long-term really can work regardless of distance (he is often on the road for jobs) or time spent apart (their job schedules are somewhat opposite), I can’t help but wonder – even in the strongest relationships – when is it time to quit?
I’ve had my share of heartbreak and I’m sure I’ve been the cause of it as well. Just when you think you’ve found the right person, there is always that glitch – a glitch that may not be either’s fault. And while you may be aware of this glitch from the beginning, it’s hope that keeps you going regardless. Hope that it’ll work itself out because this person is exactly who you’ve been looking for, yet you didn’t know you were looking for them until they came into your life. The Hulk of superheroes in your eyes, perhaps.
Sometimes things don’t work out for a reason – the timing isn’t right, the distance is too far or personalities and goals don’t mesh, or there’s baggage from the past.
I’m a big believer in fate, at this point I have to be. So here’s my take:
As for the timing, it’ll come around if it’s meant to be. The distance can always be taken care of if it becomes serious enough to do so and both parties are willing to settle down. As for baggage, well, each person you meet is an opportunity to start anew. Now about the biggest factor – the personalities and goals: if you’ve found someone who can get you for the genuine you, then they’re a keeper. Fight for them.
Fight or flight is different in every scenario. Sometimes you know when things are done – other times it catches you off guard. But if you genuinely feel you have something left to give to that person and they’re willing to accept what you have to offer, then like Savannah said, you have to say ‘No, what we have is too good.’