Imagine this: A relationship that has everything – the dates, the long talks, the kisses, the food sharing, the late nights and the early mornings, all without a glitch. Well, one glitch. The fact that it isn’t a relationship.
After a completely and utterly informal survey amongst my closest friends, I’ve discovered that these are happening more and more often lately. People are becoming connected to one another – much past that of a hook up – yet are hesitant to define it.
Could it be that as we grow older, we’re more scared to jump into a relationship than we were back in our glory days of high school or college? That we’re scared to let someone in and shake up the person we’ve just learned that we are?
It’s hard to say – especially being on the younger side of this phenomenon. But I will say this, sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Why fix something if it isn’t broken?
I say this almost to convince myself, as I am one of the few who still believe that something is legitimate if and only if it has a title. You can walk away and never respond to someone who wasn’t your boyfriend without feeling absolutely terrible regardless of what you‘ve invested. But, if there’s a definition of the relationship, it makes cutting ties a little harder. On the plus side, it also makes the bond that you two share a little stronger and definitely much, much sweeter.
So erase the what if’s, the how come’s and the what now’s and just take the plunge. It’s worth it.
I agree with Mark that one always likes the other more and it can be very emotionally damaging. This IS an increasing phenomenon and it sucks. Grow some balls and officially date the person and if it isn’t working have the balls to break-up and not let it linger! Geez. Not that complicated. Seems the fear of confrontation and conflict prevent anything from happening anymore. I also agree with Hien. Need an article defining dates and the best approaches.
I like how you ended it with a fact that you must risk it and not worry. Everyone has there own path with relationships and life in general but without effort that path can pass you by.
Lisa,
Right on with equating legitimate relationships to those with actual titles.
Why can’t guys get up the nerve to ask girls out on real dates anymore in our generation? To the few men out there still brave and manly enough to ask women out on actual dates with the intention of beginning a mature relationship – bravo.
I actually have a topic request for you, Lis, if you haven’t written about it already: Defining a real date. This is almost a dead art form for Generation Y.
Lisa, I’ll bet YOU never had a problem getting a date!
Of course as we grow older we’re more scared to jump into a relationship but that doesn’t necessarily mean we’re not in one. The relationship has just changed from the time that we were in high school.
The problem I see with a relationship that you speak of is that, one person always winds up wanting more than the other. It starts out casual, friends with benefits, whatever, and then, one person grows fonder of what they have with that person. The other person is oblivious to the situation until he’s made aware by the other party and therein troubles arise.
So, what starts out seeming like something good for everyone involved, ultimately ends in someone’s feelings getting hurt. I’m not saying it can’t work but, those are very rare situations in which it can.
the phenomenon is called “Friends with Benefits”, “casual dating” or in the college term “Sport F*cking”. It takes the place of serial monogamy. You mention “the kissing”. Ummm, this isnt grade school, people are humping like monkeys. In fact, they are probably doing more humping than kissing. Anyways, strap on a jimmy hat and have fun.