Dating Diva

So you’ve met someone great and you’re gearing up for that first date. You’ve picked out the perfect outfit, know where you’re going and are in the process of figuring out what to do with your hair.

But something that can kill the connection even after all those crucial steps are met?

Terrible conversation.

Nothing is worse than sitting across from someone who you realize checks out perfectly via text messages and phone conversations, but is a complete dud in person as far as conversation is concerned.

So, here’s some advice to get them, or you, talking.

First, don’t try too hard. Don’t push conversation. You want to be natural and it’s natural in any conversation to have a silence or two.

If I’ve learned anything through my journalism background, it’s that people love to talk about themselves. Be prepared to ask your date questions about their hobbies, their job or anything else that is a somewhat light topic that can’t be answered with a ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Where did they grow up? Do they have any brothers or sisters? Play off questions like this. It will keep the conversation interesting for both of you.

However, don’t take this as an open opportunity to ask about ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. In fact, don’t take any opportunity on this first date to open up the ex-files. Believe me, you don’t want it and neither do they.

Also, unless you are as open-minded as God himself, do not bring up topics revolving around politics or religion. How about we don’t shoot ourselves in the foot before we’ve even digested our dinner, okay?

Last, don’t be afraid to joke about an awkward or embarrassing moment during the date. It’ll show that you don’t take yourself too seriously and you have a sense of humor, which can be hard to find in people sometimes.

Any more tips? Don’t hold out — share away!

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Get your train bags ready my beautiful Connecticut ladies, love is just a Grand Central ticket away.

New York has taken the 2009 top honors for the best city for singles, according to Forbes.com.

Last year, Atlanta took it all, but apparently it wasn’t hot enough to keep the flames going. That’s when the Big Apple stepped in.

So, how does a city get these rankings? Well, you have to look at a few different factors including the nightlife and the cost of living alone.

But, what gave New York the edge over, say, Los Angeles or Miami? The fact that it had the highest number of singles using online dating sites.

While the economy has been tanking and many are worried about the uncertainty of where their next paycheck is coming from, New York seems to have set its priorities from financials to finding love, Forbes.com reports.

Boston, Chicago, Seattle and Washington, D.C. came close to New York, but no cigar.

Many have said that New York is the perfect place to fall in love — whether it be just with the city or that someone special. But this is the first year that Forbes.com has confirmed that with their annual report.

Think they finally got it right?

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Here is a list of eight great places throughout Connecticut to take that special someone out on a date. I’ve given you the place, which is half the battle, so please, for the love of God, don’t blow it.

Cafe Java in New Haven

This little coffee joint is a cool, relaxed place to take someone you want to get to know. The atmosphere is different and well-decorated and the service is great. The coffee and drink menu is decent, including smoothies and blended drinks if you’re not feeling like something straight-up espresso.

There’s also a breakfast and lunch menu if you get hungry.

Beware though, seating is somewhat limited.

Black Eyed Sally’s in Hartford

If you’re looking for a place with a little edge to it, Black Eyed Sally’s is your match. It’s got burger sliders, pulled pork sliders, wings — and it’s all delicious.

They even have Fat Tuesdays at Sally’s with live acoustic rock and $5 pitchers and plates.

Market Restaurant in Stamford

Do you or your date have a little Michael Jackson obsession? Well, who doesn’t now that he’s dead, right? Anyways, MJ’s family has a little obsession with the ricotta donuts served up at Market Restaurant. So much so, that they ordered them so they could be served at his funeral.

Go check them out, apparently they’re to die for.

Club Comedy in Waterbury

This new comedy club is great if you’re ready for a laugh. It targets the 30+ age range, claiming that its comedians are “a bit spicy, but never gross.” The comedians come from all over the nation, so you never know who might just pop in for a bit.

The club offers a full cash bar and a light menu.

Arena at Harbor Yard in Bridgeport

This place always has a few events to choose from every month. From the Bridgeport Sound Tigers, to national bands to American Idol tours to circus acts, you really can’t go wrong. But be sure to plan ahead, as many of the events are sporadic.

Bella Fiore Restaurant in Norwich

Looking for something a little more romantic? Then this is your place. Bella Fiore Restaurant has a relaxed, candle-lit atmosphere with a wonderful Italian menu.

They have private corner booths for you and your honey to relax in while enjoying excellent service and decent wine.

Cuvee in West Hartford

This lounge is the perfect place to cozy up to your date. With chairs, loveseats and couches with privacy drapes throughout the place, you can’t help but want to get a bottle and get comfy.

The menu offers wine, champagne and some food.

Snapper McGee’s in Torrington

Is your date a little punk? Well, this punk rocker bar will be right up their alley. Just one catch according to them: “Cool cats, hipsters, hot broads and greasers are welcome; hotheads, bad attitudes, people with barbed wire tattoos and obnoxious drunk girls: please stay home!”

The bar even has a reputation for being haunted – if that’s what you’re into. Guests say that they’ve seen shadows in their pictures and have an eerie feeling at times.

Have more suggestions? Leave a comment!

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Something I’ve noticed about us women: We are persistent.

Whether it comes to our career, our family or our friends, we will stop at nothing to get what we want.

While I find this an amazing trait and probably the backbone for many of our successes, I also think this may be the great demise to some of us as well.

I was talking to one of my good guy friends yesterday. The conversation flowed to our recent dating stories. The central theme in his? That after a while, he would lose interest unless he was friends with the girl first.

Being me, I asked him about 40 roundabout questions regarding this. Why? Do they all have the same personality? What’s going on?

My conclusion? They all saw my friend as a personal challenge.

He even explicitly told one girl that if he were to start a physical relationship with her without being friends first, he would eventually not care.

What happened that night? They had a full-on make-out session.

Next day? He ignored her.

To take from “He’s Just Not That Into You,” she thought she could be the exception, not the rule.

This problem of persistence and continuously believing you’re the exception can give a girl a bad reputation.

But, as the movie states, most women are the rule, not the exception. And once we realize this, the game for guys becomes a little tougher, and in return, a little easier for us.

Don’t expect to change a guy’s ways right off the bat. If he tells you that he’ll lose interest, he probably will. If he tells you that he’s not really looking for anything right now, he probably isn’t. If he tells you he doesn’t want to commit, he probably won’t.

And no matter how awesome you are, it most likely won’t change his mind right away. Or at least not fast enough where it will be satisfying for you.

So stop chasing, wasting your time or doing anything else crazy to get him to notice you.

There’s so many other guys out there who are ready for casual dating, a relationship, or whatever else your little heart desires.

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Last week, I turned 23. It was kind of a big deal.

A big deal in the sense that most of my friends who are 23 or older are in serious, happy, marriage-bound relationships and I am not.

Shocker, I’ve just finally realized this.

I don’t necessarily feel the need to rush to find someone, more or less believing I’ll find the right person when the timing is right.

However, I’ve noticed that the questions have become a little more prevalent in conversations with friends and family as to if I’m “seeing anyone” or if I’ve “found anyone,” always asked with caring, slightly-sad, yet-possibly-optimistic-depending-on-my-response eyes.

I once joked with a friend that I’d get serious about finding someone once I turned 25, a search which he dubbed “husband hunting.”

But, jokes aside, what happened to the fairy-tale romances that you hear about where you meet someone and fall for them, no hunt involved. Do they even exist in a world as fast-paced as ours?

With our new crazy schedules that rarely involve 9 to 5, lifestyles that barely resemble those of our parents and social lives that revolve around cell phones, social media sites and e-mail, I don’t know if it does.

Or at least it doesn’t in the context Disney portrays and 1950′s romance soirees.

And if it’s out there for me, it’s yet to sweep me off my feet. And I refuse to settle until it does.

I also refuse to make up scenarios where I construe feelings I don’t have into feelings I do, or worse yet construe events that have happened into a better situation with more favorable outcomes.

With a divorce rate of nearly 60 percent in our country, I believe it’s okay to fess up to what you’re feeling and what has actually happened before becoming a statistic.

And until I do get swept off my feet, I’m content working on my career, being with my friends and family and just having fun being me.

No settling involved.

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