Dating Diva

I love the movie, “The Notebook.” I’m a hopeless romantic. I cry at weddings. I cry when my friends get hurt by life’s daily tumbles. I also cry when I watch Marley & Me and the Lion King — every single time.

I’m completely okay with all of this.

It’s what makes me, me. It’s something I’m never going to try and change. I”m comfortable with who I am, my faults included, and maybe it’s my willingness to wear my heart on my sleeve that is my biggest weakness.

Beyond being a caring person, I am also a storyteller. A quirky writer. A creative soul.

I view my world through a lens where I see situations for how they will later play out at the mercy of my pen, or through the unforgiving eye of my video camera, or through code into my Web site. This serves me well as a writer, but not as a sensitive girl.

This is because I view my relationships, regardless of type, through the same lens. But what kills me about this is I am only one character in these stories, just a single character. I can only move myself through them. The others’ future moves are just as mysterious to me as mine are to them. I don’t know the outcome. And in the end, the outcome is left in the other person’s hands – meaning I may never know exactly what will happen until it has already played out. You’ll never know exactly what people will say, do or feel. Even if you think you know all there is to know about someone, they’re still bound to surprise you. Especially when the plot thickens.

I guess to put it bluntly, everyone that we come across is a contributing author to our life story. We can only react to how they act towards us. I guess that’s where the phrase, “life is about the give and take,” came from.

At one point or another, we all wish that we could cheat at our own stories. Maybe flip to the last page to ensure that it will all turn out okay, or skim the words through a difficult time so that we didn’t have to feel and act out every aching, brutal moment of it.

But we can’t. These moments are what make us grown and learn as individuals.

I’m living my own story, but I’m not writing it.

The minor control-freak in me is positively terrified by that statement. I just need to trust that the authors of my story have my best interest in mind for me, also known as a happy ending. Because what I do have control of is what authors I surround myself with. I need to seek out and trust in the goodness of people. And I always need to live out my story, trying to make the right move at all times, regardless of what is thrown at me by others.

Deep breaths. It’s time to trust that it will all end up okay. Believe in all things good in this world. Because if it’s not okay, it’s not the end. And those are absolutely beautiful words to live by.

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For more on Lisa, including fabulous DIY how-to’s, funny confessions and embarrassing realizations, you can check out her personal blog.

Follow Dating Diva’s daily adventures on Twitter: @LisaDiVirgilio

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Click. Click. Click.

Giggle.

Click. Click. Click.

The girl behind me at Starbucks is going crazy on her BlackBerry. And giggling every time a text message annoyingly rings in.

My obvious response? Sigh. She’s in l-u-s-t.

Thankfully, she’s with a friend who is quite inquisitive about this little situation we have on our hands so I’m about to get the full scoop. (And, fingers-crossed, material for another column. Score!)

Dating Diva’s Note: Despite what your mother has told you, eavesdropping on strangers in your same age-range is one of the most delightful things to do while waiting in the longest line of your life for your first caffeine fix of the day.

“He’s amazing. He’s an architect at…I forget the firm…but yeah. He is so cool and just bought his own four-bedroom house in West Hartford and has a great car and really likes that expensive sushi place that I like in Madison,” said BlackBerry Worshipper.

Her friend, who I’ve now dubbed Voice of Reason, then asked, “Awesome, so basically you just know how big his bank account is. But is he funny? What does he like to do when he’s not paying his mortgage?”

If we weren’t in public (read: if I wasn’t so close to ordering my beyond delicious latte) I would have promptly turned around, hugged Voice of Reason, and then asked her to be my new best friend.

“Well,” BlackBerry Worshipper began to answer. “I don’t really know, he likes to eat sushi. And text, obviously…but seriously though, who cares? He’s secure and stable and is good at life.”

And then, I vomited in my mouth a little.

Just kidding.

Not really.

Oh, my little technology loving friend. I’ve got news for you.

We as a generation are entering the stages of our lives where we are no longer judging each other’s success rate by how many friends we have or how great we are at certain activities. Now, it’s about the job and the paycheck. And somehow, in BlackBerry Worshipper’s mind and I’m sure many, many others judging by other conversations I’ve heard, the bigger the paycheck the more “stable and secure” the person.

No.

No. No. No.

This couldn’t be more wrong.

Remember Freddy Frat Guy that was able to do forty-second keg stands and he still believed that after he was able to hold an “intellectual” conversation about how liberals were ruining the world? Yeah, he grew up to be Freddy-the-big-fat-check-financier.

How about Silly Suzie who you could always count on for the best weekend stories of air-headed debauchery? She’s now running a law firm but still goes out every weekend to “keep the name alive“. Still think that just her job makes her absolutely amazing at life decisions? Probably not.

Everyone, but women especially, need to stop looking for stable people by searching through their wallets. While yes, it is nice to have a partner who you won’t have to lend your hard-earned green to so he can cover his electric bill…and heat bill…and bass guitar payment that will someday make him rich, you also shouldn’t consider a man who can cover his bills a completely stand-up citizen.

Madoff, anyone?

Maybe in the down economy, anyone that can pay for their bills is considered a well-off person, both financially and emotionally. But money, as we’ve been preached to about, is not everything.

I’m not about to get all crazy feminist on you in this post, but a majority of us women at this stage in the game have access to ways to better ourselves than just reaching into men’s wallets. That’s all I’m saying.

Get to know the guy beyond the coin before you rule that he‘s a great life-achiever. Or at least know his favorite color, BlackBerry Worshipper. You’re killing other quality divas’ reputations with your shallow success-quality scale.

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You can follow Dating Diva on Twitter: @LisaDiVirgilio

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Well, it’s about that time. I’m packing my bags to head to New York for a great career opportunity that will also bring me closer to my family and friends. But don’t worry, I’ll still be writing about my own and my friends mishaps in relationships and life because God knows that writing supply will never dwindle.

With the unbelievable amount of pros that come with this next big step, one huge con is slowly setting in.

The move will take me away from one person that I really care about.

Superman has meant a lot to me in the past couple months. We’ve been through more than I think any two people should go through in such a short period of time — but we always seemed to do it with grace, especially since he has a touch of Martha Stewart in him. He’s from Connecticut, should we expect any less?

I just want to publicly thank Superman for all the time and energy he’s given to me. I know and accept that I’m quirky, outrageous, odd and sometimes downright unbelievable, but for some reason or another, he can handle it — whatever “it” may be. And that, my friends, is a feat all within its own.

Superman has been the one person who has crossed my path in a long time that instantly I knew I could trust. Maybe it was because he spent hours figuring out how my crazy little life stayed afloat when all signs pointed to it sinking, or because slowly but surely he was willing to share some of his life with me. Or, maybe it’s because he reads this blog which could basically be an ever-evolving peep-show into my head. But on second thought, I don’t think he gets that much advice from this blog as he does usage for bedtime reading, as on more than one occasion he’s ripped a post of mine apart showing me that maybe I don’t know everything.

DISCLAIMER: It still holds true that I do, for the most part, know most things. (Source: Me.)

Either way, thank you, Superman, for:

• showing me that life doesn’t have to be stressful. And when it is, deep breaths will help.
• how to place all the stress of your entire day in a muscle-knot in your back. It’s efficient.
• reminding me when I need it that no matter how much work you do, sometimes it won’t be appreciated. That’s why you need to appreciate yourself and not worry about what others think or say.
• getting upset when I forget to do things…like eat.
• putting up with my messiness, and even helping me to clean.
• giving me catch-phrases to use…and claim that I came up with. I did come up with “the dubs,” which is epic.
• telling me that things DON’T happen for a reason. Instead, you make the decisions and actions and have no one to blame but yourself – so always do the right thing.
• making me sit back and enjoy the ride and not spend all my time thinking about the destination point. “Where are we going?” “We’re going.”

You’ve definitely impacted my life and I hope that I’ve given you at least 24 percent of what you’ve given me. I see you.

Has someone like this come into your life when you’ve least expected it? Leave a comment and give them the credit they deserve.