Dating Diva

I’ll tell you something right now. No girl has a strict set of rules that she applies to every single man that she takes up for a date. We may have set behavior to preserve our image or our dignity, but other than that, the “rules” are out the window. No girl goes home and checks her time-line to see what and when things should happen.

We don’t all have a specific type in mind. Sometimes we date for wit, sense of humor, personality, or yes, even the occasional looks. But we switch up our taste just like we switch up our style. I would find it hard-pressed to find a woman who continuously dated the exact same kind of man. Well, hard-pressed to find her, but easy-street to tell her why things never worked out – it depends on how you look at it.

That being said, you’re different than our ex-boyfriend. I mean, clearly, that’s why you’re sitting across from me and he’s not. So, don’t ask us about him right away. We probably don’t want to talk about him, and it’s uncomfortable. Speaking of question-asking don’ts, don’t ask us about anything having to do with sex. It’s tacky, classless and really not needed on the first date. Regardless of how cool of a girl you think she is, she’s judging you by what you ask her, how you treat her and how comfortable she can be around you. Bringing up a risqué subject on the first one or two dates isn’t going to work in your favor, trust me.

Also, we don’t always want to go out for just drinks, dinner or a movie. Use your imagination. Take us somewhere we’ve never been or do something with us we’ve never done. Maybe take us hiking, or to a waterfall. Do something that’s memorable if you want to be memorable. I believe I can speak for all of us ladies when I say run-of-the-mill dates are quickly going out of style. So let’s make a conscious effort to switch it up, gentlemen.

Another myth I’ve heard from my guy friends is that if a guy gets the “cheek response” when he goes in to kiss a girl, she’s not interested. For clarification: the “cheek response” is if you go in for a kiss and the girl offers her cheek instead of her lips. If a girl gives you the cheek on the first night, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not interested. A lot of girls do this because kisses, to us, can be really intimate. So, don’t be shy to ask her on a second date after you got the cheek. At least this way you’ll know if you got the cheek for a bad reason if she says no.

Also, not every girl is dying to get into a relationship. Some girls like to have fun and date around. And by “date around,” I do not mean “sleep around.” Sometimes we like to go out with a guy, have him over for a movie or dinner or just go walking with him without any expectations. It doesn’t necessarily mean we’re seeing wedding bells, it just means we may be interested, but not really ready to take it to the next level. And that’s okay. Don’t rush it, or you’ll leave us feeling satisfied with the time that you and I have already spent together, and really not looking forward to the future time we could be spending with you.

And while we’re on the subject of relationships, no, there is not a set in stone rule as to how long a girl needs to get over her ex. While I don’t recommend trying to start seeing someone two days after she left her five year relationship, I also don’t recommend waiting it out a few months before you show interest. Be there for her, but state your intentions as well. The last thing we need is to have someone who we thought was just a friend and there for us all of a sudden saying that they were only doing this because they thought it would lead to romantic involvement. Nothing good will come of that.

Hopefully these information tid-bits may help. Follow me on Twitter to ask me questions directly or give me some ideas for posts you’d like to see!

As I was treating myself to a manicure and pedicure the other day, a guy in his late 20’s, clearly straight from a basketball game, came walking into the spa.  Without the blink of an eye he said he was there for a “sports pedicure.”  At first, I thought this was some male version of a female pedicure – that there was something about this that made it manly.

No. Wrong.

It’s everything that I get done to my feet, only without the polish.

Note: The lady that was doing my pedicure said that sometimes men do get clear polish, so I guess that justification to call it a “sports” pedicure is out the window.

Listen, you can’t just put the word “sport” in front of something and expect it to magically be less feminine.

I sincerely appreciate good hygiene. I enjoy when a guy showers at least once a day, shaves his face and makes a conscious effort when he dresses himself.  Believe me, these things never go unlooked.

I even knew a guy who regularly had his back and chest waxed – this, my friends, is absolutely above and beyond normal procedure.  A+ for effort.

However, I become uncomfortable when it’s taken to the level of clear nail polish.  Something about that throws it over the line and can no longer, in my eyes, be considered “manly.”

Fine, get your manicures, pedicures or even spa facials. But if you’re going to do it, just do it. Don’t throw the word “sport” or any other macho term in front of it to make yourself feel more at ease with the situation. We don’t dress it up, neither should you.

Out for a fun night with the ladies, I cozied into our corner table at the Tiki Bar. Not exactly known for its style and class, but more for its relaxed, fun atmosphere filled with a few hundred stuffed animal lions, fake palm trees and peanut shells which will stay embedded in your shoe soles for days to come. All in all, exactly what I needed.
A man in like mid-20s came into the bar, dressed up – presumably straight from work – with slacks and an untucked dress shirt. He was an average-looking guy, but for the crowd that had gathered at Tiki, he was quite the looker.
None of my friends or I are “looking” for someone, so we just let it slide. My friend, Andrea, who has the personality of Kathy Griffin and Rachel Dratch all rolled up into a cute 5’3” package, was at the bar ordering a drink when he asked her what she was buying. We all found this hilarious as Andrea completely dismissed his attempts. Someone with so much personality not wanting anything to do with you is usually a bad sign.
Eventually, he made his way over to our table. We were friendly, but I saw where this was heading. Within fifteen minutes, he had told everyone his life story. When Andrea, who as I said is one of the sweetest people I know, began to ignore him, well, I knew he was bad news completely.
But here I was, stuck in a conversation which could be better described as a vicious version of “covering the grenade,” if you will. He continued to tell me that he never wanted to get married. He then made huge assumptions about my friends to me as if he and I were best friends for years and gossiping about my girls while they were right there was okay.
FYI: It was not okay.
As if this wasn’t bad enough, he got a hold of my number and began texting me – violently. We all know my hatred towards textionships. This being fueled with the fact that I was never interested in his advances to begin with coupled with the understanding that the kid was comprised of pure jerk only made the situation worse.
I received over twenty text messages and 2 phone calls in a matter of twenty-four hours. I don’t have time for this. People with personal assistants don’t have time for this.
I’d like this post to be a warning of the following:
1.) You’re not going to get “in” with a girl by becoming over-familiar with her immediately. We have boundaries, too.
2.) If you are approaching a lady at the bar who is with her friends, understand that her friends are her priority – and probably will be until the day you put a ring on it. So no luck trying to conquer and divide the first night.
3.) As much as you’d like to set limits the first night, don’t tell a girl what you’re looking for, or more specifically, what you’re not looking for. It comes off as arrogant. I was clearly not interested, so now, by you thinking I was interested and wanting to set boundaries, I am puking in my mouth a little. This has ruined my night. Understand? Moving on.
4.) Do not, and I repeat again, do NOT text a woman more times than you have fingers on one hand in a solid 24 hours if she does not respond. Yes, she received them. Yes, she is ignoring you.
Has something like this ever happened to you? Share your stories!
You can always check out what Dating Diva is up to by following her on Twitter!

I took the show on the road this past weekend and went to my hometown, Binghamton, N.Y. While I was there, I met up with some of my close friends. One of my best friends , Savannah, has been in a relationship with her boyfriend for around 8 years. They own a beautiful house, a dog and a cat. He has a great career ahead of him and she is just about to finish her bachelor’s degree at Binghamton University.
My friend, Carlene, and I always ask her how they’ve kept it alive for so long. And finally, this past weekend, I think she just revealed the secret.
“You have to fight for each other,” Savannah said. “There have been times that I’ve just wanted to stop, and times when he has too, but you have to say, ‘No, what we have is too good.’”
And she’s right. These two love each other unconditionally. Her boyfriend, Tamer, is like an extension of my best friend, and I couldn’t have picked anyone better for her myself.
While their relationship is a great example as to how long-term really can work regardless of distance (he is often on the road for jobs) or time spent apart (their job schedules are somewhat opposite), I can’t help but wonder – even in the strongest relationships – when is it time to quit?
I’ve had my share of heartbreak and I’m sure I’ve been the cause of it as well. Just when you think you’ve found the right person, there is always that glitch – a glitch that may not be either’s fault. And while you may be aware of this glitch from the beginning, it’s hope that keeps you going regardless. Hope that it’ll work itself out because this person is exactly who you’ve been looking for, yet you didn’t know you were looking for them until they came into your life. The Hulk of superheroes in your eyes, perhaps.
Sometimes things don’t work out for a reason – the timing isn’t right, the distance is too far or personalities and goals don’t mesh, or there’s baggage from the past.
I’m a big believer in fate, at this point I have to be. So here’s my take:
As for the timing, it’ll come around if it’s meant to be. The distance can always be taken care of if it becomes serious enough to do so and both parties are willing to settle down. As for baggage, well, each person you meet is an opportunity to start anew. Now about the biggest factor – the personalities and goals: if you’ve found someone who can get you for the genuine you, then they’re a keeper. Fight for them.
Fight or flight is different in every scenario. Sometimes you know when things are done – other times it catches you off guard. But if you genuinely feel you have something left to give to that person and they’re willing to accept what you have to offer, then like Savannah said, you have to say ‘No, what we have is too good.’

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
I’m pretty sure this is a myth set in truth. Stay with me, here.
Fact: When you haven’t seen someone in awhile, it’s their faults that fade away, not their positive attributes.
Fact: Reuniting with loved ones is always great and the steps to getting there can give you that butterflies-we-never-knew-we-loved-each other-this-much feeling.
Myth: Those faults that faded away will continuously remain unhidden after your reunion.
Myth: Absence is a great way to see if you two are meant to be. If you struggle through it, clearly the feelings were worth all the hurt and anguish.
FACT: Absence can, at times, be the devil in disguise.
I’ve never been one to stop a relationship due to distance. I do have my doubts on the ability of these relationships to succeed if distance continues to play a role and there is no plan to eventually unite. But I think the true key to these relationships working is the ability for both parties to be in agreement about the end result.
Will we play it out and see what happens? Should we end it now before emotions are involved? Should one make the sacrifice to move to the other?
I can’t answer these questions – not for myself or for you, unfortunately. It’s only a feeling and a mutual trust between the two of you that will answer these.
What I do know is that feelings are involved with two individuals for a reason. Regardless of if you live with your loved one or if you’re 1,000 miles away. There’s something magnetic that will make or break a relationship. That’s what attracted you to your lover in the first place. It’s the strength of that bond that will hold things together or tear them apart. Be aware of not only that strength, but the ability to break from that strength as well – be it your ability or your partners.
If you don’t think you can make it through with the other person so far away – don’t be ashamed to admit it. Distance relationships are for certain people, not for everyone. Most importantly: whether you cut these feelings off overnight or hide them, just make sure the move you’re making isn’t one you’ll regret later on.
Sometimes things can’t be undone.
So I guess, through our logical explanation the truth is: absence makes a relationship, which can at times be difficult just on its own, a whole lot harder.
Puzzle solved.

I’ve received a lot of e-mails asking for creative, cheap date ideas. After some thought, I’ve come up with a few for you guys to test and come back to me with the results. Let me know how it goes.

Explore
Located directly across from Quinnipiac University in Hamden, Sleeping Giant Mountain is great for a sunny day. It has hiking and nature trails, look-out towers, scenic vistas, stream fishing and picnicking areas. There’s even a castle on the very top if you’re motivated enough to get up there.
What makes this park stand out is that it’s actually rumored to be haunted. Apparently, at the top where the castle is, a man in black has been seen aimlessly roaming around. When approached, he vanishes into thin air.
This probably isn’t a great first date idea if you go later in the day, especially if you scare easily.
Let me know what happens.
Volunteer/Charity
There are so many great organizations in Connecticut that need your help, even if only for a day. Consider calling your local humane society to take a quick class together that will allow you to take the dogs at the shelter out for a walk. You have no idea how goofy men can be when it comes to animals – it’s adorable.
Also, now is the season for many American Cancer Society Relay For Life walking fundraisers. Typically sign-up fees range between $10-$20 per person and include a t-shirt. Find one close to you here and sign yourselves up. Not only will you be getting some exercise together, but you’ll both be doing it for a great cause.
Model
If you’re brave enough and/or need a trim, a fun idea for a date could be to volunteer yourselves as models at a beauty school. Brio Academy is a great place that offers anything from cuts, to coloring to waxing and has many locations throughout Connecticut. The services are inexpensive and you two can hit the town (hopefully) cuter than ever.
Glow
It’s pretty amazing what they make in glow-in-the-dark now. Frisbees, golf balls, tape…you name it. Use your imagination.
Create
Go to a crafts store and get a large canvas along with some crazy-colored canned paint. Set it up outside in the beautiful 80 degree weather we’ll be having this weekend. Now, play Picasso…kind of. Throw the paint at the canvas to make one of those crazy paintings that they can charge $1,000 for because it “encompasses so much emotion.” Hey, if it’s good enough, throw it up on eBay.com for sale and profit off of that date – now that’d be something new.
Trashy
Going to flea markets and garage sales has always left me with a little bit of a dirty feeling. That being said, you can find some really cool things there to spruce up your pad on a teeny tiny budget. Take your love with you to be your wingman and help you some fun things to bring back. Check in the advertisements of your local paper for when and where these sales will go down.
Shake It
I know, gentlemen. A majority of you may find this excruciating. However, taking a dance class together can not only be a great reminder to her as to why she should keep you around, but you may also enjoy it as well. Plus, think of how much more in control you’ll feel when she asks you to take her dancing and you have more than just the “sprinkler” move under your belt. Consider it an investment in your future.
Check out local dance classes in Connecticut here.

More ideas? Tweet them to me!
@LisaDiVirgilio

As I was meandering around the Web, I found this article from USA Today that talks about the popularity of Twitter and its ability to interfere in some relationships.
I wonder what Twitter-fanatics Demi Moore (@mrskutcher) and Aston Kutcher (@aplusk) have to say about this.
Your thoughts?
Catch up with the Dating Diva by following her on Twitter.com!

I’ve received a lot of e-mails asking what I thought about leaving a relationship due to feeling “stuck” and having nowhere else to go. One person wrote, “I can’t walk away too soon in hopes that maybe things will change. I think I should just stick around to see what happens.”
Something I do not agree with – people who stick around in a situation or relationship just to “see what happens.”
You have better things to do.
Don’t waste your time. If you’re sitting there waiting for something to happen, chances are the
other person isn’t as involved as you – or else you’d be making things happen together. A relationship is something – near or far – that two people have a hand in to make work. There is no “seeing what happens,” but there is a “seeing where this takes us.” And there is an immense difference in those two statements.
I get it, I get it. He or she great. Amazing even. They can make you feel fabulous and real. They says all the right things. But if they’re not committing after being asked to, or even making an effort to do so, there’s a possibility they’re making others out there feel the same fabulous way that they’re making you feel.
Not so awesome now, right?
Great advice I once received on this was as follows:
“When a man tells you he doesn’t want commitment, repeat it to your friends, family or write it down. That forces you to see, hear and accept that he means it..and believe me, he does.”
You deserve to be happy and be with someone who is happy to be with you. Remember that.
That being said, I’ve compiled a short list of break-up songs that will get you back on track in no time at all.
“Ex-factor” – Lauryn Hill