Dating Diva

A few days ago, I had an interesting conversation with an old friend of mine from college. We were catching up via BlackBerry messenger and he was telling me of a situation he was dealing with on Facebook.com.
Apparently, the Facebook poke and chat features are potential catalysts for the end of romantic relationships. He said how he had three females who were in relationships, two of those relationships being marriage, constantly poking him and saying explicit things through the “pop-up” chat feature. This is where he turned things over to me and asked my opinion on it all.
I guess since my job is to give out dating and relationship advice, I should have had an answer other than “bahh…umm.” However, that was not the case.
All I could think of was, “Oh my gosh, if I had a hubs who was pulling that it’d be so over.”
And in that instant, I made a pact to get myself and my currently non-existent husband off of Facebook.com the day I get married. Or sooner. You can call it distrust, I just call it disaster prevention.
Before you think I am a Facebook hater, I want you to know that I understand and appreciate the positive things that the social-networking site can contribute to its users. It lends itself to re-connection with lost friends, the opportunity to meet new people that you will be attending college or work with and the ability to share great memories through pictures and videos.
Oh, and let’s not forget about the amazing ability it has to lure you into stalking even against your own will.
Another friend of mine in the graduate program I currently attend once told me that a Facebook “poke” could be the first step in a possible hook up. However, he stated later that it is all dependent on the time frame between the poke and the actual in-person meeting that determines the actual meaning. The sooner the poke to the meet-up, the more reasonable it is that it was considered a “let’s hook up and see where this goes” poke.
Really? All from one slick click of the mouse?
Listen, I know you are probably thinking that these women mentioned earlier are most likely not happy in their relationship, are looking for a way out or are just not top-quality people.
Agreed, agreed, agreed, my friend.
However, as someone very close to me said this morning when I broached the subject with him, “I really don’t see how Facebook could ever positively contribute to a relationship.”
Agreed, agreed, agreed.

Standing in the check-out line at Shaw’s in Hamden today, I watched as two people ahead of me innocently flirted with one another. It was sweet and cute, like the beginning of “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I was positive there was going to a number exchange any minute.
However, I’ll tell you exactly when it got awkward.
She was in front of him in line, and began to place her items on the conveyor belt. Her cart contained the largest amount of feminine products I have ever seen purchased at one time. And with each item she slammed down, I could see him recoil a little more. She even began to chit-chat about them, explaining why she purchased the brands she did. I understand she was there to get her shopping done and not to pick up men. However, she was now there to serve as entertainment (and blog material) for me.
Thank you.
I’d like to use this post as a warning to any woman who finds an attractive guy to flirt with in the check-out line at a grocery store. Maybe it’s not the best idea to draw attention to personal feminine hygiene items when you’ve barely gotten eachother’s names down. Or at least don’t try to make conversation about them. I’m all about confidence, but really, that’s where I draw the line.

Today, while I was having lunch at DISH with co-workers, the topic of the use of technology in dating came up. One of my co-workers explained that when she had returned to the dating world after being in a long-term relationship, she didn’t realize how much it had actually changed as far as communication was concerned. And she’s right. Between text messaging, BlackBerry messaging, MySpace, Facebook, Twitter and AIM, the possibilities of “non-voice” communication are basically endless.
But is the dating world adapting to new social networks and media complicating it more than pushing it forward?
A while ago, I met a cute guy while out with friends. He was personable, motivated and educated. Score, right? He said he’d love to call me sometime, so we exchanged numbers.
Well, by “call” he meant “text” and by “sometime” he meant “every waking moment.”
Had his texts been interesting or witty, I would have loved this. But Mr. Personable was not so fascinating through typed word. At all. Furthermore, he expressed (through text) that he hated to speak on the phone and had over 12,000 roll-over minutes because of his hatred of voice communication. Within 48 hours, I knew I had to end this “textionship.”
Have you experienced something like this?
Check out my co-worker’s similar experience on her blog.

I’m the kind of girl who rarely gets attached. I guess you could say I date like a man. If it works out, great. If not, next please.
I didn’t grow up with this mindset, though. I’ve been in committed relationships that have gone awry just like everyone else on the face of the planet. And after every single one that does I think to myself – have I put myself so far out there that there are pieces of me I can’t get back?
Talking to a close male friend of mine this past weekend who just endured a rough break up with a long-term girlfriend, I came to realize that women aren’t the only ones who put themselves out there and hope for the best. Men also give pieces of themselves to us that they risk losing too. I know this sounds so simplistic that it’s almost irrelevant, but at the same time, it’s refreshing to actually see it in play.
My friend explained his relationship detail for detail, in a way that only someone who had been really engaged and committed only to find out the other party wasn’t would. This was a side of him I had never seen. He’s usually the stereotypical male, showing just enough emotion to get by. But now, it was all out on the table for me to dissect. I couldn’t help but sit there, drinking my cosmo, and wonder if we were all the same. Male, female, straight or gay. Regardless of how we act towards our significant other, we’re offering them something that’s fragile. And when push comes to shove, some of us may just be better actors after the break up, better at keeping it together and/or keeping it off our minds all while picking up the pieces.
And how is this accomplished? By finding the ultimate rebound guy/girl? Immersing ourselves in work projects? Getting a gym membership we can barely afford? Moving to a country that takes a 26 hour plane ride to get to? Well, maybe. But let’s keep it local for now.
Every weekend, thousands of men and women in Connecticut go to bars, parties, restaurants and clubs. Some go for the jager bombs and a good time with friends while others are in search of something more. By more, I mean finding someone to have a good time with – not necessarily getting into a full-blown relationship with that has wedding bells around the corner. Just someone who we want to see again. Someone who gets us excited to be around and makes us want to open up a little. And maybe, just maybe, some of us are looking to get those pieces back of ourselves that we lost in the past through that new person. But, enough of this in-depth soul-searching.
Moving on.
After all of this sporadic hoopla, let me just give you an idea of what you can expect to see here. Throughout my adventures described in this blog, I intend to help you narrow down the places to search and weed out the places that aren‘t worth it in the Connecticut dating world. Oh, and I’ll let you experience my most awkward dating and relationship moments and horror stories from the present and the past in hopes that you don’t repeat my mistakes. Or, at the very least, you’ll get a good laugh from them.
And please, don’t be shy about leaving your experiences too. I can’t be the only out there who is socially awkward at times. If you don’t feel comfortable posting for the world to see, you can drop me an e-mail at datingdiva@email.com.
Until next time – DD