At one time or another, we will always be on the receiving end of some kind of unsolicited parenting advice, especially when you are a first time parent. We all know babies do not come with instruction manuals (even though we wish they would) but over the years people have not only tried to write manuals for parenting, or “what to expect in the first year” but it simply does not work because every child, family, and parents are so different. Some of us parents, especially the ones who are “new” to the parenting scene seem to be the first targets for everyone around us to hand over their unsolicited parenting advice.
While some people do not mind the suggestions, and advice, there are some parents who really are bothered by the suggestions. Which is where my post today comes in. Not only am I going to address the parents who are on the receiving end of the advice, but also those on the giving end, in hopes some will think twice next time they want to share how they did thing’s 30 years ago.
First, parents on the receiving end. Sometimes we have no choice but to listen to these suggestions that are so outdated our parents didn’t even go by them, but remember, sometimes the best thing to do is smile and nod, and let it go in one ear and out the other, or simply and politely inform the the giver of the new recommendations from whatever organization du jour. AAP, WHO, or AMA. (American Academy of Pediatrics, World Health Organization, or American Medical Association) Sometimes helping to educate the giver also is a smart option. It helps them to understand why you may or may not heed their advice. A great example is the changes in advice for infant cereal. When I was an infant people thought nothing of putting the cereal in a newborns bottle. Today, cereal is not recommended till 4-6 months of age (depending on who you are asking) and it is NEVER recommended to be placed in a bottle because of the choking hazard that it presents. Then, and now.
Now onto the serial advice givers! Remember, being a new parent is hard enough without people pointing out what others think you are doing wrong. Whether or not you are just trying to be helpful. Sometimes you will come off as critical or judgmental. Also, remember what may work for your children, or one of your children will not work for the next, and I have learned that first hand with both of my boys, as well as other friends children.
Some kids thrive on a schedule, some do not. Some enjoy solid foods, and all kinds of foods, some are picky. Some will sleep anywhere, and some will only sleep in their infant swing or bassinet. Some love the car, some hate it.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to keep your advice to yourself until you are asked for it. It can help to avoid future conflict or possibly hurting someones feelings in the long run.
Postpartum mothers, especially in the first few weeks can be total hormonal wrecks, I know I was after both of my children, and heck sometimes I still am even though my little guy is almost 4 whole months old.
Just remember next time, is my advice or comment going to help or hurt?
