Pregnancy, Parenthood & Playtime

The past couple days, I really feel like my blog topics are lacking, I must admit I have been pre occupied with my actual life, family, and children to really put the thought I want to into the topics of my list for the time being.

Today, I am digging back into my list and my roots to talk about an issue that all parents will see at one time of their life once they become a parent and that is dealing with security in the choices you have made for your child.

Recently with all the new information on breastfeeding I see this coming up again. Mom’s, articles, internet bloggers, and newspapers talking about how the findings that breastfeeding saves lives are making some mothers feel guilty or they are putting them down, but that is not the case at all. For mothers secure in the choices that they have made, they should already know they made the best choice for their child, family, and situation and the opinions, facts, or medical studies should not be able to make them feel bad, especially if they are secure in their choices.

Not everyone can be as secure as others, it is a complex issue just as parenting in general is. And there are some people who struggle through life with insecurity issues, which not only impact their personal lives, relationships, or social skills, but will impact their parenting without their knowledge.

Some of the issues that we see the most insecurities are :

Breastfeeding : Women who aren’t being given the real information, or trying hard enough often feel like they are put down for making the choice for use formula because it may be easier. If they were truly secure in their choice to use formula or truly tried everything that they could to breastfeed and do what is best then they would not be and should not be saddled with the guilt. As a mother of one child I had no issues breastfeeding, and a child that I struggled, till he needed to go on formula for his own well being, I know both sides of this. Am I pissed that Benjamin needed formula? Hell ya!  Am I secure in my choice to do what what right for him and put him on formula? Yup, because if I didn’t and continued to give him breast milk even with his reactions to it, he may not be with us here today.

Vaccinating: Another hot button issue. If you vaccinate, and you feel that you are making the right choice for your child, or the educated choice that is all fine and dandy. If you are blindly trusting what the medical community tells you what is right for your children or what you should be doing, maybe educating yourself further would be a great option. If you do not vaccinate, and are educated about it rather than believing what someone on the internet simply tells you, then you should be secure in your choices for your child’s health. You are their parent and as long as you are making truly educated choices in their health care, nothing to feel bad about!

Cloth Diapering : Another two way street. Cloth diapering is amazing for our environment, but doesn’t work for every family on the block. When my oldest was about 8-9 months old we bought cloth diapers and gave it a try. It simply did not work out well for our family. Do I hate that one diaper takes almost 20 years to break down? Yes!  Do I value my sanity? Yes!  Which is why we have continued to use pampers, and cut back on other environmental factors like paper towels, water wasting, and made the choice to actively recycle more.

Fast Food : Yes my toddler knows what McDonald’s is when we pass it driving down the street. Sure he asks for it, or even cries sometimes, but it is all about moderation. No, I am not going to let my child live on crap fast food, but having it occasionally is not going to kill him.  Just like junk food like ice cream, cookies, cake, and other things I enjoy making are not going to kill him because I don’t let him eat them on a daily basis. He may ask for them, but that is where the parenting choices come in. I am not going to give in to my toddler because I don’t want to hear him complain. I am going to do what I know is best, and be secure in my choice.

TV : Yes, my child can name popular TV shows and Characters. Does he live in front of the TV? Nope. Does he want to live in front of the TV?  Yup, but as a parent I make the decisions for him and that just doesn’t fly for us.

Baby Wearing : No, I am not going to spoil my child if I wear them while we are walking around in the grocery store. Do I own a baby stroller? Yes!  We own two, a single one, and a double one that both of our children can stroll in. Do I enjoy wearing my kids in certain situations?  Well, the younger one, the toddler is half my side and I really can’t wear him anymore, but my DH can and does sometimes. I am middle of the road in my baby wearing, but I am secure because that is what works for our family.

Natural Birth : I am not some kind of radical, hippy, overly crunchy nutcase because I don’t want to have another c-section, didn’t enjoy my c-sections, and long for a natural birth. Which is why I made the often unpopular decision of trying to have a VBAC with my second son. No, I was not going to kill him. Yes, I was going to do everything in my hands and power to avoid a second c-section. NO! I am not going to elect for a repeat cesarean next time around, I WILL try for a VBA2C because I KNOW it is a safer option than an elective repeat cesarean delivery. And I am secure in my choices not only for my health, but for the health of my future children.

No, this post is not made to come off to be a bitch, even though I have some serious aggression to get out these past couple days (thinking I need to go for a good run) and this is NOT meant to make me sound like a better parent, or a lesser parent than anyone else. This is me giving examples.  Please, chime in with your own examples!

The point is, we are ALL good parents in some way shape or form, whether others think so or not, and if you are not secure in the choices that you have made for your children then you will continually be thrown into the icky feeling of parenting guilt. Avoid it before it even gets to that point!

Yesterday the Shelton Community came together to remember Viviana Cavalli, whose life was ended far too early in a car accident late November of 2009. Friends and family gathered together to release painted butterflies, award scholarships, and remember their dear friend.

Earlier in the year I wrote an article on the Butterfly Project and the good they are doing in the Shelton Community.
To learn more about the Butterfly Project, check out their facebook page.

When signing onto the Connecticut Post this morning, I clicked on an article about St. Vincent’s Medical Center in Bridgeport being deemed a “Baby Friendly” hospital in Connecticut. The standards for becoming a “baby friendly” hospital revolve around breastfeeding for new mothers and babies.

But what is not being discussed in this article are several factors that should be impacting mothers choices on having their babies at St. Vincent’s Medical Center.  First being that St. V’s has the highest surgical birth rate in Connecticut. At 44.5% of all babies being born by cesarean section they hold the highest c-section rate in all of Connecticut.  That is also accompanied by a ban on vaginal birth after cesarean. Meaning women cannot choose the kind of birth they may want if they have had a previous cesarean section. While their ban is not an official ban on vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) it is what people in the birth community call a “defacto ban”.  No provider on staff at St. Vincents will allow a mother a trial of labor after a previous surgical birth.

Why is this alarming for local women?

For several reasons. The World Health Organization recommends a cesarean birth rate for a hospital to be no higher than 15% including their high risk patients. St. Vincent’s exceeds this by nearly four times.  Along with the fact that they are not allowing women to make medical decisions based on evidence based medicine which shows that VBAC or Vaginal Birth after Cesarean is safer for mother and baby than elective repeat cesarean sections.

Birth advocates in the state planned a protest in front of St. Vincents medical center earlier this spring but were unable to obtain a permit to stand on public sidewalks. With threats of arrest or tickets, local mothers opted not to exercise their first amendment right to assembly.

I hope women will take the time to research St. Vincent’s Medical Center more, and make an informed choice on where to give birth to their baby, rather than jumping at the chance to visit a “baby friendly” hospital.

Looking for something fun to do with your family this weekend?  The Hartford Courant published some deals for families to have fun around the state, so I wanted to share a couple with my readers.

The Mark Twain House & Museum
On Saturday local cultural arts organizations will be partnering up with the museum for a day of activities, including storytelling, music, and activities for the whole family.  Tours of the house will be offered at regular admission prices. For more details visit http://www.marktwainhouse.org/

The Beardsley Zoo
Bridgeport’s Beardsley Zoo will be offering 15% off regular admission for up to 4 tickets all day on Saturday. Bring your family to visit the animals on a beautiful summer day!  For more details visit http://www.beardsleyzoo.org/

Mystic Aquarium
Saturday Mystic Aquarium will be offering Free rides on the XD Theater Motion Ride and a Free Fountain Drink from the Penguin Cafe to the first customers through the gate.  For more information visit http://www.mysticaquarium.org/

CoCo Key Water Resort
Saturday the newest indoor water park in the North East will be offering free admission to the first 100 visitors to the indoor water park located in Waterbury.  For more information on CoCo Key visit http://www.cocokeywaterresort.com/

A new research study I stumbled across in the Health Day Medical News recently suggests that babies born via cesarean section may be more likely to  suffer from Celiac disease later on in life.

“Researchers analyzed data on almost 2,000 children seen at gastrointestinal outpatient clinics for celiac disease, Crohn’s disease, ulcerative colitis and other gastrointestinal diseases, and compared their rates of C-section vs. vaginal delivery to children who had not been diagnosed with any gastrointestinal conditions.

Compared to children born vaginally, children delivered by C-section were 80 percent more likely to develop celiac disease.”

As a mother of two boys both born by a surgical delivery, this is more alarming because of their clearly increased risk. While researchers are not certain why this is happening, they speculate that the children born by cesarean section may be more likely to suffer from this disease because they are not being exposed to the different healthy bacterias they should be in the vaginal canal during a vaginal delivery.

“This alters the infant’s colonization with gut microflora, or “good” microbes, that aid in digestion and fending off pathogens.

Previous research suggests there are differences in the intestinal bacterial flora between children born vaginally or by C-section.”

Interesting but this is something many researchers have been discussing for quite some time. Babies who are not being exposed to the good bacterias during a vaginal birth may have some kinds of disadvantages when compared to the kids who have been exposed to these bacterias.

Yesterday I was asked a question on Formspring.me which kind of got my mind really going. I am sure it was meant to be an insult from one of my fans out there, but I think it just rang true of what a lot of people out there actually think.

While the questions was worded very poorly, and the grammar was that of maybe a third grader, this is what it said :

Have you ever held a real job? Mothering does not count..I am a mother and I have a full time job outside the home…so i have two full time jobs…McDonald’s does not count either.

While the answer to that question was very simple, cut and dry, it sparked a great post for me to write!  First off, yes, I have worked full time, and I have done so since I was 17 years old and graduated high school. For the first year and a half after high school till I moved to North Carolina when I was 19, I was the receptionist and office manager at a local Chiropractic office. After moving south, I was a full time Customer Service Rep for Cingular in their call center on the “save team” which sucked. I dealt with all the raving lunatics that wanted to cancel their cell phones and not pay the early termination fees of their contract.  After moving back home to Connecticut, I got a great job working at a mental health hospital in the Pediatric and Adolescent unit. I loved it, unfortunately I choose not to stay long term because of how heart wrenching it was for me.

But clearly you get the point.

But now the point of my post. When my husband and I (boyfriend at the time) sat down and decided that children were what we wanted, and started trying to get pregnant.  All along we knew that once we did have children, I would take on the roll of a Stay at Home mother, because that is what we wanted and knew would be best for our family.  Growing up, we both had mothers who were able to stay at home with us, and that is something that we cherished. On top of that, the absorbent amount of childcare costs in the area we live, it would be foolish for me to go back to work.

But why is it so important to me to stay home with my boys?  It is so much more important to me that just staying at home, or just the choice of skipping the huge daycare costs, it goes down to my own line of thinking when it comes to children today.

Now, I don’t want to start a huge war with the SAHM’s Vs. the WOHM’s (Work out of the home moms) but personally I feel like for most children, stay at home mothers, or a stay at home parent is far more beneficial to the child, their development, and will benefit them long term by having that support system, and parent.  Not to mention that any mother who can stay at home with her children, and be Mom 24/7 deserves a medal.

Before I was a mother, and before I was a SAHM (because I worked part time when my oldest was 5-9 months old) I didn’t understand what it was like to be Mom all the time. No break, no work, no adult interaction for a couple days (besides my spouse) and honestly I think SAHM’s have it much harder, at least mentally.

I have really realized how stressful, and overwhelming being a SAHM of more than one child is in the past year since Benjamin was born, and my husband finally went back to work. It was amazingly helpful in the first 4 months of Benjamin’s life to have him around and helping me, especially after a second surgical birth, but we certainly needed to get back to life as we knew it before the lay-off heard ’round the world.

Moral of my story and point of my post today?

Stay at Home Mothers are not lazy women who sit around eating bon bons all day, and complaining about how wild their children are. At least in my house.  We have daily activities, lessons, day trips, art projects, and anything else a child should, or would be doing in pre-school or at a daycare, on a more one on one level.

If more children were given this opportunity, I truly believe our society as a whole would benefit greatly.

Contrary to popular belief that patient choice cesarean sections are currently driving up the cesarean delivery rate, a study shows this not to be accurate.  The 2005 Listening to Mothers survey followed 1,573 women over the period of one year observing their experience with childbirth. Recently on top of the very important Listening to Mothers Survey, Canada jumped on the bandwagon observing all delivered in British Columbia from 2004 to 2007.

“Only a small proportion of C-sections — two per cent — were performed because mothers requested them. The wide variation remained even after researchers accounted for medical conditions and maternal characteristics that could necessitate an assisted birth, such as smoking, weight gain, diabetes and high blood pressure.”

Now, while this survey may not have taken place in The United States, the birth patterns in Canada, especially British Columbia have been mirroring those of The United States for quite some time. While our cesarean birth rate is increasing annually, so has the number of c-sections taking place in Canada. While the options for VBAC have been decreasing in The United States, they have also began to decrease in Canada. It is almost as though first something happens in The United States, then the trend moves north and Canada starts.

“The Society of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists of Canada says caesareans should be offered to a pregnant woman only if there is a valid medical reason to perform one.

“C-sections are meant to save lives,” said Hanley. “So if a baby’s heart rate drops suddenly, or the mother’s placenta is beginning to tear, or the baby is in an awkward position, then a C-section will likely be recommended.”

It is no secret that I believe exactly what TSOG in Canada believes. As it only makes sense. We should not be offering major surgery for no medical reason.  What would happen in other aspects of medicine if we did this?   People electing to have a kidney removed just because, or an arm amputated because they want to?  It seems silly right?  Of course no sane person would opt for such a serious major surgery right?

The cesarean section is not only the #1 operation in The United States, but it is greatly overused according to The World Health Organization, which increases health issues for women in the next 50 years of our Country.

“Caesareans and subsequent pregnancies could have severe repercussions for the mother: bleeding or infection from the incision, cardiac arrest, postpartum depression, and a higher chance of needing a hysterectomy, a surgical removal of the uterus.”

Moral of the story today? Women are not driving the c-section rates up like many professionals in The United States are insisting is the cause for the increase of surgical deliveries.  It is the medical model of care surrounding birth and obstetrics, the lack of birth options for women, and the amount of hospitals that ban VBAC all over The United States and Canada!