The past couple days, I really feel like my blog topics are lacking, I must admit I have been pre occupied with my actual life, family, and children to really put the thought I want to into the topics of my list for the time being.
Today, I am digging back into my list and my roots to talk about an issue that all parents will see at one time of their life once they become a parent and that is dealing with security in the choices you have made for your child.
Recently with all the new information on breastfeeding I see this coming up again. Mom’s, articles, internet bloggers, and newspapers talking about how the findings that breastfeeding saves lives are making some mothers feel guilty or they are putting them down, but that is not the case at all. For mothers secure in the choices that they have made, they should already know they made the best choice for their child, family, and situation and the opinions, facts, or medical studies should not be able to make them feel bad, especially if they are secure in their choices.
Not everyone can be as secure as others, it is a complex issue just as parenting in general is. And there are some people who struggle through life with insecurity issues, which not only impact their personal lives, relationships, or social skills, but will impact their parenting without their knowledge.
Some of the issues that we see the most insecurities are :
Breastfeeding : Women who aren’t being given the real information, or trying hard enough often feel like they are put down for making the choice for use formula because it may be easier. If they were truly secure in their choice to use formula or truly tried everything that they could to breastfeed and do what is best then they would not be and should not be saddled with the guilt. As a mother of one child I had no issues breastfeeding, and a child that I struggled, till he needed to go on formula for his own well being, I know both sides of this. Am I pissed that Benjamin needed formula? Hell ya! Am I secure in my choice to do what what right for him and put him on formula? Yup, because if I didn’t and continued to give him breast milk even with his reactions to it, he may not be with us here today.
Vaccinating: Another hot button issue. If you vaccinate, and you feel that you are making the right choice for your child, or the educated choice that is all fine and dandy. If you are blindly trusting what the medical community tells you what is right for your children or what you should be doing, maybe educating yourself further would be a great option. If you do not vaccinate, and are educated about it rather than believing what someone on the internet simply tells you, then you should be secure in your choices for your child’s health. You are their parent and as long as you are making truly educated choices in their health care, nothing to feel bad about!
Cloth Diapering : Another two way street. Cloth diapering is amazing for our environment, but doesn’t work for every family on the block. When my oldest was about 8-9 months old we bought cloth diapers and gave it a try. It simply did not work out well for our family. Do I hate that one diaper takes almost 20 years to break down? Yes! Do I value my sanity? Yes! Which is why we have continued to use pampers, and cut back on other environmental factors like paper towels, water wasting, and made the choice to actively recycle more.
Fast Food : Yes my toddler knows what McDonald’s is when we pass it driving down the street. Sure he asks for it, or even cries sometimes, but it is all about moderation. No, I am not going to let my child live on crap fast food, but having it occasionally is not going to kill him. Just like junk food like ice cream, cookies, cake, and other things I enjoy making are not going to kill him because I don’t let him eat them on a daily basis. He may ask for them, but that is where the parenting choices come in. I am not going to give in to my toddler because I don’t want to hear him complain. I am going to do what I know is best, and be secure in my choice.
TV : Yes, my child can name popular TV shows and Characters. Does he live in front of the TV? Nope. Does he want to live in front of the TV? Yup, but as a parent I make the decisions for him and that just doesn’t fly for us.
Baby Wearing : No, I am not going to spoil my child if I wear them while we are walking around in the grocery store. Do I own a baby stroller? Yes! We own two, a single one, and a double one that both of our children can stroll in. Do I enjoy wearing my kids in certain situations? Well, the younger one, the toddler is half my side and I really can’t wear him anymore, but my DH can and does sometimes. I am middle of the road in my baby wearing, but I am secure because that is what works for our family.
Natural Birth : I am not some kind of radical, hippy, overly crunchy nutcase because I don’t want to have another c-section, didn’t enjoy my c-sections, and long for a natural birth. Which is why I made the often unpopular decision of trying to have a VBAC with my second son. No, I was not going to kill him. Yes, I was going to do everything in my hands and power to avoid a second c-section. NO! I am not going to elect for a repeat cesarean next time around, I WILL try for a VBA2C because I KNOW it is a safer option than an elective repeat cesarean delivery. And I am secure in my choices not only for my health, but for the health of my future children.
No, this post is not made to come off to be a bitch, even though I have some serious aggression to get out these past couple days (thinking I need to go for a good run) and this is NOT meant to make me sound like a better parent, or a lesser parent than anyone else. This is me giving examples. Please, chime in with your own examples!
The point is, we are ALL good parents in some way shape or form, whether others think so or not, and if you are not secure in the choices that you have made for your children then you will continually be thrown into the icky feeling of parenting guilt. Avoid it before it even gets to that point!