Blogalogue

Compact little essays from a stay-at-home tourist.

Archive for 2005

A Trip To Staten Island

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If you keep a diary, you can post descriptive jottings here under “comments.” The following, an excerpt from “Journal of a Junk Junkie,” was written before the charred remains of the old Staten Island ferry terminal was replaced by its present lucent incarnation:

I go to Staten Island now and then, to experience the river more directly, and to escape the cacaphony, the geometric confinement of Manhattan. Walking down Broadway, I think of Walt Whitman doing the same. At the end of leafy Battery Park, with its public sculptures and over-explicit war memorials, juts the vast curved wreck of the old terminal, whose arcing facade rhymes in shape (and once, in bronze-green color) with Miss Liberty’s famed crown. Passengers wait below, in the shadowy dank limbo of a holding room that vaunts, through the twin black breaches of its slips, a shock of blaze-bright river.

The pitching, flat-footed ferry is the cadmium yellow of a taxi, or the inner yellow of a certain two-tone daffodil. The throng and I pour aboard. Bikes and cars are stowed cozily below. The boat gushes off with a great horn blast (a kind of maritime grunt) and leaves the black-toothed pilings in a foam of wash. The air smells large, oily, fishy. On board, everyone’s noises (shoe-shine hawker, amplified songstress, rap-rhythm battery salesman, beer concessionaire, etc.) is engulfed by the boat’s vibrant drone. I leave the churchy pews to go out on deck. I hang over the rail and watch the mesmerizing water, a stiff, steel-gray silk decked with frothy boas and furbelows. Vast old Brooklyn and penalesque Governor’s Island glide by. The Verazzano Bridge is etched faintly in the distance, no bigger than an eyelash. Abruptly, just ahead, looms a hulking barge bearing a tonnage of boxcars. (After adjusting to distance, most nearby things seem huge!) On the right, the Statue of Liberty salutes dreamily. Aft, the city, with its dazzling tabletop clutter of chrome and brass and steel, dwindles into a utopian poster . . . then a post card . . . then a postage stamp – as enormous, shrill gulls ellipse and circumflex astern.

In no time we dock at St. George; the ferry sideswipes the pilings, churns up the river like a steamboat, and shudders gracelessly into a berth. The ark empties into a reverberant cathedral of damp gloom which, like the depot on Manhattan’s side, has become an aviary of pigeons. Ah, the country!

Observations At Large — and Small

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This theme is a visual analogue to my first blog-a-logue, “Overheard in Passing.” I’m always on the lookout for odd visual phenomena seen around town. Please post your own observations of visual paradox here. Two examples:

(1) Role Reversal:
Seen uptown–Young mother and little girl, hand in hand. Mom wearing overalls adorned with colorful patches, hair in two blond, beribboned pigtails. Her 3-year-old in somber gray attire, hair neat and demure. Very amusing. Or scary. Made me wonder what their relationship is like.

(2) Tipping the Scales:
Recently, at Barnes & Noble I crowded into the back of the cavernous, standing-room-only lecture room, to hear John Irving read. I scrunched up to wedge myself between two tall men. My view of the podium was flanked by two large ears, a brown one and a pink one, both soft and velvety like parted theater curtains. Between them, in my telescoped view, stood the tiny author, far far away, his voice hugely AMPLIFIED. On either side of him was an enormous literary poster heralding novels about the very subject of smallness and enormity. On one side, MOBY DICK’s vast toothy mouth encompassed not only the dwarfed Pequod, but Mr. Irving himself; on the other side, hapless Lem GULLIVER lay lashed to the ground, guarded by a throng of Lilliputians who, at 6″ small, heed standard dollhouse-doll scale. And the subject of the reading? That too involved scale: a BIG book on an extremely intimate subject, once perhaps whispered about behind closed doors, now broadcast to the masses.

A few years ago I wrote a book that deals with scale, The Art of the Miniature (Watson-Guptill, 2002). Ostensibly it is about creating miniature environments out of found objects (e.g., a splinter of wood from a warehouse loading dock becomes a miniature loading dock, fractyl-style!); but in truth the book is about microcosms and macrocosms, and their relevance to human spiritual transcendence.

Recommended reading: The Poetics of Space, by Gaston Bachelard; Alice in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.

Bulletin Board Tags

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René Morgan came in to see me today and is now teaching me how to work this blog thing. One thing I said to him was, “If a web log is a blog, does that mean that a web link is a blink?” He liked that. Anyway, the subject of this blog is the sometimes hilarious, sometimes ridiculous, sometimes totally incomprehensible tags, always with phone numbers (now emails), that are meant to be torn from the fringe of tearables (terribles?) off public bulletin boards. Here are a few I’ve collected. Following each entry is my own comment. You are invited to post your own findings and/or comment on any of mine.

Like, if you have nothing better to do.

+ Berna’s Clean (well, I should hope so)
+ Living Intimately (too much information)
+ Eclipse Elliptical $300 $250 (I was waiting for it to go on sale, whatever it is)
+ Metabolism Breakthrough (does it hurt?)
+ Who Is Moo Shu? (Damned if I know)
+ Support Computers (like a support bra?)
+ Clean Air (only in Montana)
+ Pen Cap (huh?)
+ Flyer Distribution (with or without pilot license?)
+ Computer Guru (help me get back to my ‘om’ page)
+ Turkish Lesson (only one?)
+ Brain Scan — Reading Experiment (?)
+ Braids (what about ‘em?)
+ Take (I admit I took this from a Japanese restaurant, so it may be someone’s name; but I could also interpret it as “on the take”)
+ Ecstasy Now! (what more is there to say?)

I showed you mine; now let me see yours. See you next blog-a-logue…

Overheard in Passing

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I must be among the tiny minority of those who can’t stand overhearing others’ conversations.

For that reason alone, technophobe that I am, I’d rather be online than in line. At the bank or post office, I get trapped in captive-audienceville, forced to listen in on the palaver of strangers within earshot. This hardship has been exacerbated by the onslaught of cell phones, all launching ubiquitous snippets at once, on limited quotidian subjects, namely missed appointments, foiled meeting places, changed plans, lost directions, delayed trains, sudden headaches, and other principally urban laments. Little are the perpetrators aware – and less do they care – that they are literally on the air. Occasionally, however, a veritable gem zings my way, launched by one of a pair of passersby, or overheard as some out-of-context cell phone riposte.

Here are some I’ve recently collected. I invite you to do some public eavesdropping, and send in any humdingers you overhear. There is only one rule for this blogalogue: STATE ‘EM VERBATIM!

Two guys at breakfast in a Tribeca diner:
“I swear I didn’t have a weapon on me then, and I didn’t use no weapon, ever.”

Overheard on various Tribeca streets:
“Why don’t you just sell the f***king building and live like a fat cat in Palm Beach?”

“Next time he calls I’m going to say I’m busy getting a blow job.”

“Honey, I ain’t messin’ with no married man.”

Overheard at different times in Washington Square:

“I was so smoked I was up for two days.”

“I want a sugar daddy but the only thing is he can’t lay a hand on me.”

“Men don’t start modeling till they’re 22 or 23, when they lose the baby fat in their faces; but by then, women are done.”

“I was pimping for her, did I tell you that?”

And my number-one favorite of all:

“The thing I love is that for a while flying saucers were made of metal.”

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