Ok, where are you guys? I know you’re out there. You’ve been quite silent and I’m wondering how to engage your thought processes? Should I talk dirty? Ok – if that’s what it takes, I will. Let’s talk about sex because, after all, that topic seems to always be confronting us wherever we go, no? Sex sells, so then surely we should be able to talk about it. And we should especially be conscious of talking about it to children – to prepare them for the bombardment they are already experiencing and will continue to experience. How do you talk to your kids about sex?
For those of you who have already confronted the issue, how’d ya do it? Did your child back you into a corner and ask some VERY interesting questions – and you just had to give in and give some accurate information? Did you bring it up one day during an opportune moment and ask your child what they knew about something? Did you act very matter of factly – even though you were dying inside? Did you and your child stumble across something (a tv dialogue, a headline, a statement made in school) and they asked you to clarify? All are interesting scenarios.
This is a very discomforting topic for so many parents. The first discomfort that tugs at parents’ hearts is that this discussion is an indication of a child’s growing up. It’s a grown-up topic, therefore a reminder that a child does grow into their own independent adulthood. The second discomfort comes from the belief that at young ages, certain ‘adult topic’ information is not necessary for children. This is absolutely correct – BUT – every age needs to be given ever-expanding amounts of information about their body’s functioning and expected changes. This information needs to be provided in very matter-of-fact ways – a penis is a penis, a breast is a breast, and a vagina is a vagina – and everybody’s body changes as they grow up. Language used and amounts of information are weighted against a child’s age and maturity but the conversations must be held. This accuracy serves more than one aspect of a child’s life. An informed child is a protected child. When a child knows about body parts and their right to personal privacy, they are more likely to know how to resist a potential assault and if in case they are victimized, they will be more likely to tell someone about it.
And a third discomfort comes from the fact that while “the” talk might be relatively simple early on – the older the child gets the more complicated it gets. As a child ages, their body is changing, BUT more importantly, they are now needing to make decisions about how they will treat their body. Their hygiene and their use of their body will now start to affect their growth and social relationships. The conversations are becoming more focused on morality and decisions than on the physiological changes. Then it’s time where the ‘shoulds and should-nots’ are thought about but you need to explain them in ways that are not sounding too judgmental and prudish!! Each generation starts to change boundaries and parents need to know how to push back – or accept the changes.
So tell us about your sex talks!!! I know you’re out there – and now I’ve talked to you about sex. Share your wisdom with all of us.
G
