Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for 2010

No longer a child

Friday, December 17, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

I think we’ve worked out a good co-existence with our adult son. A recent college grad with a job — thank goodness — he’s living at home because the job is close by and living here allows him to save money and start paying down his student loans. It’s not a permanent arrangement, by any means. I would guess that a year from now he no longer will be under our roof.

Although I’m sure he gets annoyed at the household chores/repairs we sometimes ask him to do, I think we respect his privacy and don’t treat him like a child. But I was worried about him the other night. It was past 8, going on 9, he wasn’t home from work and I hadn’t heard from him.
So I broke down and sent a text. “Should I be worried about you?”

He replied right away. He was sorry. Went out with some friends after work and didn’t watch the time. He thought he would have already been home by then.

I think he knows I try to give him space. But he also knows to give me a heads-up the next time. Once he moves out, I’ll have no knowledge of his comings and goings. But until then…

Holiday list revisited

Monday, December 13, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

Now that I got everybody’s wish lists for holiday gift-giving, what happens if I don’t want to get any of it?

Seriously, only one of the kids had a wish list that actually had appropriate items. And at what point do they stop asking for various video games and the paraphernalia that goes along with them? I guess I could answer that question myself, since our oldest had none of that on his list at age 22, while our 19-year-old’s list fell mostly in that category.

I have such a distaste for video games. I don’t play them (maybe I should?) and I hate that the activity seems to be the first things some kids go for when they have free time — and probably even (gasp) when they’re supposed to be studying. Is it bad or unrealistic that I had hoped to see other things on the list that I know he probably needs, like some new clothes or maybe things for his dorm that don’t involve game controllers?

Guess it’s wishful thinking on my part.

Getting the holiday spirit

Monday, December 6, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

Are you getting into the holiday spirit yet?

I am, and this morning’s light snow added to it, I think. Plus, I’m trying very hard to stay focused on what’s important, which is sometimes difficult to do.

Our Christmas tree is up, but not yet decorated. And all of the boxes of decorations — for said tree as well as the rest of the house — are sitting in the living room. I plan to tackle that task in the upcoming evenings and hope to be done by mid-week.

I got a good start on holiday shopping this weekend and am hopeful the out-of-town gifts will actually all be on their way out of town this coming weekend. Can’t really explain my non-panicked attitude this year. Maybe it’s age?

Of course, am still waiting for one errant wish list from our son away at school…

But I’ve promised myself that I will keep family and friends foremost in my plans and actions this year and that I will enjoy the holidays as stress-free as possible. Of course, those holiday cards are still waiting to be dealt with.

Will weigh in after it’s all over to let you know how successful I was!

When to butt in?

Friday, December 3, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

When do your kids learn to speak up for themselves? I don’t remember this being such an issue with my oldest, but there were times it was an issue for the other two and has especially become something I’m concerned about with my youngest.

Mind you, I always encouraged the kids to assess their problems and learn to handle them on their own. But I also let them know I was available if help was needed — if they just needed someone to talk it over with so they could figure out what to do, or if they needed more proactive intervention.

But K doesn’t want me to e-mail anybody or ask anybody any questions. And by anybody I mean coaches, teachers, authority figures, etc. In fact, she gets downright testy when she discusses an issue she’s having that needs to be taken care of that she hasn’t tackled on her own and I suggest that perhaps I should make a phone call or send an e-mail. In last night’s particular instance it had to do with safety issues at cheerleading practice that I think, as a parent, I need to weigh in on if she’s not going to step up and handle it.

You’d think by her response that I threatened to blow up her naked baby pictures and plaster them all over the halls at her high school.

I tried to make it clear that because this is an issue that deals with her safety, she must discuss it with her coach at tonight’s practice. If she doesn’t, I will have to butt in.

We’ll see…

‘Wish’ful thinking

Wednesday, December 1, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

As the holiday season kicks into gear, it’s time to ask the kids to compile their Christmas wish lists. Those of you with older kids know that the gift-giving gets a little harder, i.e. more expensive, than those years when you could just waltz into the toy store and pick up everything on said list — and often stay within your budget.

Nowadays, one or two items adds up to what you used to spend on the entire list — that is, if you can get one.
G was home from college over Thanksgiving and we asked all of the kids to get us their lists, knowing that grandparents will soon start to inquire since most of our gift-giving outside the immediate family requires packing up boxes and shipping cross-country.

K, who is weeks away from 16, got us her list right away — it’s even titled her “Christmas & Birthday List.” But it will be a bit more difficult to get ideas from the boys. And mostly because they are aware that the things they want go over most gift-giving budgets. As a result, our Christmas morning is becoming more about opening envelopes with checks and gift cards than about opening beautifully wrapped packages.

I’m not sure if that’s harder for them — as they realize some of that wide-eyed surprise and wonder is lost as they get older — or for me (for the same reason!)

Happy Thanksgiving

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

It’s Thanksgiving and G is home from school for a few days. That’s a good thing.

Food is bought and preparations are nearly done to put together the traditional meal. Tomorrow, like most, we’ll gather around the table and give thanks for family and friends, health and all of the blessings we enjoy.

Have a wonderful holiday and enjoy being with the people you love.

Understated, but Potter-mania nonetheless

Monday, November 22, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

Our house has grown up with Harry Potter. C was 10 when “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone” hit the U.S. He ate it up and looked forward to each new book.

We added each novel to our library and the other kids read them as well. Even as they grew — especially C, who was in college when the last book, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” was published — they never seemed to lose interest in what happened to Harry and company.

Neither did I, although I admit it took me a while to jump on the bandwagon. I didn’t start reading the series until the fourth book came out. But once I started, I couldn’t put them down and just like the kids they were written for, I couldn’t wait for the next installment. I basically sequestered myself and read nonstop when both “The Half-Blood Prince” and “The Deathly Hallows” arrived (of course we pre-ordered them to arrive on our doorstep the day they hit bookstores). I did not want to find out what happened from anybody else.

So the movies have been big fan favorites in the house as well. I wondered what C would do. Whether the new Potter movie just out would be something he’d want to see. To my delight, it was. He went yesterday with a friend — someone his age who also grew up with Harry, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Hagrid and the whole Hogwart’s crew.

My turn will come this week, when I should be able to set aside some time and take K, who’s been begging to get to the movie theater ASAP to see it. I was sad when the whole adventure came to a close with the last book. Can’t wait to spend a couple of hours with these wonderful characters again.

In search of a hobby

Friday, November 19, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes

I need a hobby.

I used to have them. I played a couple of instruments, attended exercise classes on a regular basis, I read voraciously, crocheted, and admittedly, even played Dungeons and Dragons once a month with a group of work friends and some of their spouses back in the mid-80s. I’m sure I could list other things if I searched my memory.

These days it seems that I go to work, come home, and either read, watch TV or if necessary, do chores. When the kids were small, I had very little extra free time. My evenings were filled with cooking and laundry, cleaning and any errands that needed to be done. And weekends were spent at hockey games and gymnastics meets and carting kids to and from birthday parties and all sorts of other places they needed to go.

But now my kids do their own laundry. And because I’m often not home until past normal dinnertime, they also are more prone to fending for themselves when it comes to the evening meal. They run their own errands, since two out of three are drivers. Cleaning is another story, but I no longer help them with their rooms or the upstairs bathroom. Hockey games are a thing of the past (unless I’m watching the NHL on TV) since the boys have aged out of anything but a recreational men’s league.

Of course, gymnastics has been replaced by cheerleading and for a few months out of the year, many weekend days are spent at cheer competitions. But the bottom line is, I should have much more free time these days.

So why can’t I jump back into a hobby? What is holding me up? I can’t explain it. Is it laziness? Fear of something? I need to figure it out. What do other moms do as their kids and family become less dependent on them? Many handle this transition a lot better than I — and have no problem filling their free time with fun and meaningful activities!

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