Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond
About Rebecca Haynes

Archive for May, 2010

Turn off the texting

Friday, May 28, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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How did we ever live – back in the “olden days” – without cell phones? I wonder about my reliance on that little device, but even more, I wonder about the kids and the way the phones function for them. They’re not even phones. They’re just small pieces of electronic gadgetry that keep them connected to everyone – at all times.

During dinner the other night, the cell phone in my 19-year-old’s pocket (he recently returned home from college for the summer) vibrated at least once a minute. Or at least it seemed that way to me. It’s like the second he or any of his friends have a thought, they’re texting each other about it. According to our cell phone bill – he sends and receives thousands of text messages each month.

I just don’t know how anybody can get any work done when they’re constantly receiving these little interruptions. I know for a fact that to get anything of substance accomplished during my workday, I have to turn off the e-mail and check it once an hour or once every few hours. Otherwise, the computer is constantly beeping to let me know something new has arrived in my inbox – a distraction that can keep me from being productive, especially since my e-mail doesn’t do a very good job of keeping spam at bay.

I asked my son how he gets any studying or homework done. After all, wouldn’t these constant cell phone text interruptions destroy his train of thought – the same way e-mails interrupt mine during the workday – and keep him from any serious studying? He doesn’t think so. Maybe they’re just so used to the technology it doesn’t bother them? Personally, I still think people need quiet, uninterrupted time to really study anything, learn anything, write anything or be as productive as potential allows. And… I’ll keep telling that to the kids, suggesting they shut down their cells while engaging in any intellectual activity.

Too much information

Wednesday, May 26, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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It worries me that kids today share way too much personal info on social networking websites. Some information should remain private, no matter how proud, relieved, sad, happy or excited to share information or ideas they may be. Some things are better kept to yourself (and the people with whom you can verbally share the info) and not put out there on the Internet for absolutely anyone to see.

Truth be told, I am still a bit afraid of facebook – especially since they’ve made all of the privacy settings less private. I have never been a person interested in putting information about myself out there for all to see. Of course, if you talk to anybody with whom I’ve worked over the years they’ll tell you that I’m not shy about sharing information by way of mouth. And some, I guess, would argue that I’m doing just that through this blog, although so far, I think I’m being careful about the level of detail I’m sharing. It just makes me nervous to think that complete strangers can get information about my life (or the lives of my family members) based on what they can find on the Internet.

My kids get annoyed with me if I make a suggestion about what I see on their social network pages. Mind you, I do my best to keep my distance and I don’t comment much. When I do, it’s a personal note to them, not something that gets posted for all to see. It’s a fine line a parent walks. Luckily for me, my kids are good kids and I really don’t have to worry about their intentions. But the fact that – I think – they believe basically everyone is good, and don’t stop to think how innocent information or photos could ever be used against them by someone with bad intentions, is a concern.

So I’ll continue to walk with trepidation on the Internet. And do my best to share my feelings on the matter with the kids. Of course, as their mother, if I felt the info they were posting must come off any site I would tell them and they would do what I ask. But for everything else, I’ll continue to offer my opinion when I think it’s necessary – whether they take my advice to heart or not.

Ahhh, the clean!

Monday, May 24, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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There’s nothing better than a clean house and mine is looking pretty darn good (if I do say so myself) — both inside and out.

The ever-present clutter is gone, floors are mopped and vacuumed, furniture is dusted, kitchen and bathrooms are clean and spotless and everything is in its place. Outside, the grass is green and mowed, the flowerbeds and pots are planted and blooming, the stone walls have been powerwashed and everything has been trimmed and tidied appropriately (much of this due to huge amounts of work on my husband’s part).

It took some great motivation, of course, to get this all done and, more importantly, to get it all done at the same time. Out-of-town family begins arriving at dinnertime today in anticipation of our oldest’s college graduation on Saturday. And we’re having a big party on Sunday to celebrate, with lots of family, friends and neighbors expected. I am so excited I can hardly get my work done!

Of course, I wish I could keep my house this clean all the time. “If everybody would just pick up after themselves there’s no reason why it can’t stay like this,” I’ll say to whoever is listening. Problem is, I’m just as guilty as anybody else, letting things begin to pile up a few short days into trying to keep up with the clean.

But I’m not going to worry about that now. Instead, I’m going to enjoy the company of family and celebrate our son’s accomplishment — from our nice clean house!

What’s for dinner?

Friday, May 21, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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I must admit that this past year I’ve gotten a bit lazy about fixing weeknight dinners. After all, there were only three of us left in the house. But now that a fourth has returned from college, and a fifth is expected back in another week, I’m feeling pressure to put a nice dinner on the table.

It’s something I used to do with regularity, but I’m having a hard time getting back into the habit. Remember those lists I talked about in an earlier blog? Well, somehow I always forget to add “take meat out of freezer” or “marinate chicken before leaving for work” to the list. The result? Staring into the cupboards, freezer and refrigerator — usually between 6:30 and 7 p.m. — and trying to come up with a creative way to turn the assorted items I see into a meal fit for a family — in 30 minutes or less.

In the past, when I’d say I had to get to the grocery store, my husband would sometimes chime in and say there was no need to shop, that we had plenty of food in the house. I used to wonder what he would say if I took that advice and served up a dinner of diced tomatoes with Italian seasoning, garbanzo beans and potato and cheese pierogies or shoestring fries — items that often can be found in my pantry or freezer.

Is it just middle-age catching up to me? Or do all moms lose their desire and creativity to pull together a dinner after getting home from work? In a perfect world, the kids would have had dinner ready when my husband and I got home from work. And sometimes, they did. But often, they were busy with their after-school activities and weren’t getting home until later themselves.

I still enjoy cooking, of course, but prefer it when I have more time and can cook at a leisurely pace, sipping wine as I work. I’d rather do it on my own terms, without the ever-present dinner deadline.

In the meantime, I’ll try to answer that age-old question, “What’s for dinner?”

Learning to say ‘no’

Wednesday, May 19, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Parents today often are accused of spoiling their children, handing them whatever they want and as a result, giving them a sense of entitlement. I’m sure there have been times when I’ve fallen into that trap. Not because I want my kids to be brats, but because I just want to give them the things or experiences that I wasn’t able to have when I was their age.

Recently we had a cheerleading dilemma. Our daughter wanted to try out for a club program that would have meant contracts, regular gym fees, coaches’ fees, competition fees, expensive uniforms and all the paraphernalia that goes with them, and other fees I’m forgetting at this moment. She wanted to do it, she said, because it would make her better. Already on her school’s varsity cheerleading squad, she thought joining the club team would give her more experience and help sharpen her skills even more. And she’s right – I’m sure it would.

So her father and I discussed it. She’s old enough, we thought, to be more vested in the process and show some respect for where all that money comes from that enables her to do the things she wants to do. Because she’s earning money by regularly walking a neighbor’s dog, we thought it was reasonable to ask her to contribute some of her own dollars toward the costs of club cheerleading. But wide eyes and the word “Why?” were the first response.

She’s a good kid, but I have some work to do. And for now at least – no club cheerleading.

Home for the summer!

Monday, May 17, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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My house is a little less empty now. My middle child, who just finished his freshman year at college, came back home over the weekend.

I made the drive to get him on Saturday, leaving the house early to allow for the long trip. My husband stayed behind, needing the day to continue preparations for the upcoming college graduation party we’re throwing for our other son. Some of our friends teased him for leaving the long drive to me. But I don’t mind.

Driving back home I got to hear all about G’s classes and how they ended, what he thinks his grades are going to be and what he’s going to need for next year’s dorm when he moves into a larger suite-style unit. He talked about his friends and his girlfriend. He sounds happy. He’s changing his major but is excited about it and I am too. The new one suits him. He’s in a good place and isn’t that what all parents want for their kids?

Last night I made a nice dinner and we ate outside on the back patio. It was a beautiful evening and our yard is looking fabulous in anticipation of the party! But the best thing for me was having that fourth smiling face back at the table.

All cheer, all the time?

Friday, May 14, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Here we go again!

For several years, my daughter was a competitive gymnast, training five nights a week and home for dinner only on Saturdays and Sundays. Monthly gym fees were high – more than most typical car payments. And that didn’t include the fancy rhinestone-studded competition leotard, the team warm-ups and the fees for all the various competitions they entered – some requiring overnight stays and all the costs associated with travel.

Then there was the fact that we had no life. Even with carpooling, I still had to be at the gym most nights to pick her up and had to make sure she was being picked up after school and taken to practice.

But after a few years, she burned out and “retired” just shy of her 12th birthday. At first I was sad. I missed some of the other parents I’d become friends with and I missed watching such a beautiful sport up close and personal. But it didn’t take long until I started to appreciate the fact that my evenings were once again my own; that I was no longer part of a culture that was often drama-filled and stressful. And then there was our budget, which was actually ours again. What a relief to not write those checks 12 months out of the year!

During her 3-year hiatus from gymnastics, K played school sports – volleyball and softball (her school is too small to field a gymnastics team). But now she’s a cheerleader. Some of her friends convinced her to try out for her high school’s winter competition cheer team. She made it, of course, and liked it. It enabled her to tumble and take some of those gymnastics skills out of mothballs. And she’s already made next year’s team.

On top of that, she wants to return to the gym where she trained for gymnastics and join their competitive club cheerleading squad. Our house would be all cheerleading, all the time. Between club and school practices, she’d be busy 6 days a week. She’d have to give up volleyball. And doing the club team means jumping back into the world of contracts and monthly gym fees and coaches fees and uniform fees and competition fees! My head was spinning after getting all of the information. It’s a commitment I’m not so sure I want to make and my husband feels the same way.

The final tryout is Monday, which forces a quick decision. I’ll keep you posted… and no, this picture is not my daughter.

Deciphering clutter from treasure

Wednesday, May 12, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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How has my life gotten so cluttered?

Granted, I live in a small house with not much storage space, but it seems more stuff comes in than goes out. I have piles of paperwork on my dresser. Really, it would be embarrassing for anybody to see how cluttered that piece of furniture is at the moment! I also have a pile of paperwork on the floor next to my bed.

I’m trying to be better about the common living areas, but I often have piles on the dining table or the sideboard. It’s usually stuff that I don’t want to throw away but don’t know what to do with. Or it’s forms or papers that need my attention – but not my immediate attention. Or it’s receipts I need to record in Quicken (something I get around to doing about once a month or when my husband requests it, saying he’s going over the latest bank statement and missing lots of transactions).

Then there are the overwhelming projects I haven’t yet tackled that would help get rid of clutter. Like the boxes of pictures under my bed – you know, the kind that came in fold-over envelopes back in the day when you had to take your roll of film in to get developed. I’ve attempted this organizational project on more than one occasion. At one point, I did get them kind of separated by year and season and appropriately marked. Just wasn’t enough.

As it is, I’m afraid I’ve already been too relentless at throwing things away. Some of the kids’ school projects and works of art have been saved (again in a pile somewhere – usually a closet), but most were long ago taken away in the weekly trash pickup.

We’re getting lots of out-of-town guests soon – family members who will be here to attend my son’s college graduation. In preparation for that (and figuring out where everybody’s going to sleep) we’ve been cleaning out. Next on the list is the closet in the room my boys have shared, but that mostly sat empty this past year as they were both away at school.

What do I do with the big plastic bin of their favorite tiny metal toy cars and trucks; the same bin they’ve opted to keep each time we’ve tried to clear out their closet before. Or the binders filled with the Pokemon cards they used to be so enthusiastic about collecting? “We can sell them on eBay,” was the comment I heard from one of them when we cleaned out the last time. And what about the boxes and binders filled with their hockey cards?

The mother in me wants to save some of these things. I mean, one day they’ll have children of their own and wouldn’t it be nice to be able to give them that container of cars and say “Here, these were mine when I was little.” Or what about having toys in my house for the days when my grandchildren will visit. They’ll need something to play with, right? OK, so I’m getting ahead of myself.

Looks like my de-cluttering work will continue to be a challenge!

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