Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond
About Rebecca Haynes

Archive for September, 2010

Feeling disconnected

Wednesday, September 29, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Do you ever feel disconnected to your family?

I’ve been feeling that way for a week or so now because I’ve been getting home from work later than usual. Last night everyone was already in bed when I got back, which was unusual considering that it was 9:45 and usually people are still up until at least 10:30.

My daughter hasn’t been feeling well — a bad cold, or at least symptoms that mimic a bad cold. But she was already asleep when I got home, so I couldn’t ask her if she was any better. Then this morning she was in the upstairs bathroom getting ready when I got up. Rather than speak to her through a closed door, I thought I’d hop in the shower and talk to her after I got out. But she left for school early and was gone when I was done. Thwarted!

I hope she feels better today. I feel like a very bad mother and look forward to getting past this bump in the road and getting back to my normal routine — where I feel a bit more on top of things.

Encouraging the chef within

Monday, September 27, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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I’ve decided I’m going to have more “formal” cooking lessons for K.

She loves to bake and has taught herself to follow recipes. Over the summer, she’d get the urge to be creative in the kitchen on those days when she didn’t have anything in particular to do. Often I’d come home from work to find various types of cookies sitting on the kitchen counter. And when I’d ask for everybody’s input on what was needed from the grocery store, her answer would just as likely be “flour” or “sugar” or “vanilla” as it would be “lunch meat” or “shampoo.”

K often has been around when I cook, but unfortunately for her, I’m one of those people who is happy doing things myself rather than asking others for help. So I think I’ve dropped the ball there, not taking advantage of an eager student right under my nose.

But I’m going to try to change that. I’ll give her a more active role in meal preparation (not just the cleanup) and let her do things — even though it means they may not always be done to my satisfaction.

Before my most recent grocery shopping trip, she said she wanted something different to take to school for lunch than sandwiches (she can’t buy a lunch at her school). Pasta salad was her answer. She loves it. So we spent some time making a pasta tuna salad and even packing up servings for each of us to take in our lunches — her to school and me to work. I don’t use a written recipe for it, so she was unsure about amounts of certain ingredients. But now she knows that sometimes cooking is about using your senses and adding whatever or however much looks (and tastes) good. And following the old rule of adding a little at a time keeps you safe, since every cook knows you can always add more, but you can’t take it away once it’s in there.

So we started with something simple. And if we keep it up, she’ll be off and running in no time — adding menu items other than dessert to her repertoire.

Encouraging the chef within

Monday, September 27, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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I’ve decided I’m going to have more “formal” cooking lessons for K.

She loves to bake and has taught herself to follow recipes. Over the summer, she’d get the urge to be creative in the kitchen on those days when she didn’t have anything in particular to do. Often I’d come home from work to find various types of cookies sitting on the kitchen counter. And when I’d ask for everybody’s input on what was needed from the grocery store, her answer would just as likely be “flour” or “sugar” or “vanilla” as it would be “lunch meat” or “shampoo.”

K often has been around when I cook, but unfortunately for her, I’m one of those people who is happy doing things myself rather than asking others for help. So I think I’ve dropped the ball there, not taking advantage of an eager student right under my nose.

But I’m going to try to change that. I’ll give her a more active role in meal preparation (not just the cleanup) and let her do things — even though it means they may not always be done to my satisfaction.

Before my most recent grocery shopping trip, she said she wanted something different to take to school for lunch than sandwiches (she can’t buy a lunch at her school). Pasta salad was her answer. She loves it. So we spent some time making a pasta tuna salad and even packing up servings for each of us to take in our lunches — her to school and me to work. I don’t use a written recipe for it, so she was unsure about amounts of certain ingredients. But now she knows that sometimes cooking is about using your senses and adding whatever or however much looks (and tastes) good. And following the old rule of adding a little at a time keeps you safe, since every cook knows you can always add more, but you can’t take it away once it’s in there.

So we started with something simple. And if we keep it up, she’ll be off and running in no time — adding menu items other than dessert to her repertoire.

Oh, to be Sweet 16

Friday, September 24, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Have Sweet 16 parties always been prevalent here? Where I grew up in the Midwest they were not. Our version of a Sweet 16 was a big slumber party in the birthday girl’s house. And none of this mixed boys and girls stuff, either. Slumber parties for us may have meant we spent the night talking about boys, but none were ever invited to the party. OK, occasionally one or two might have shown up. But only long enough to cause giggling and the fear that parents would discover they were there. They never stayed long and the visits were innocent.

Our daughter K is 15, but she’s gotten a few invitations to Sweet 16 parties for her friends (she’ll turn 16 herself in January). Am I terrible to say I have no intention of throwing a big party for her on that occasion? Renting some sort of party hall, paying a caterer, these are expenses I associate with a wedding — or a big milestone birthday, like 50 or 100.

Just what is the significance of turning 16? It’s billed as a coming-of-age thing, but at 16 you can’t vote, you aren’t considered an adult and you’re still too young to legally consume alcohol. So I’m not sure exactly what the coming-of-age marks here other than being a true teenager.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with other parents throwing these parties. I just don’t intend to throw one myself. I’d rather put that money into the college savings account — or save it for a future wedding!

Teaching good food habits — or not

Wednesday, September 22, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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How much do you worry about what you feed your family?

I’m now worried that I’ve taken much too relaxed of an attitude with mine — and now it’s too late to change their habits because the kids are older. When they were smaller and we had nightly family dinners, I think we ate relatively well. At least I tried to put meals on the table that covered the major food groups and I tried to put fresh on the table.

But we did eat a lot of canned and frozen veggies… and white rice and pasta, now that I’m looking back. And I let the kids eat cookies and ice cream as snacks rather than encouraging only healthy snack items.

I’ve definitely gotten better, I think, over the past 5 or 6 years. We’re eating more fish — although still not as much as we should — and the meats I cook, mostly chicken with some days of lean pork and beef, I cook on the grill or in healthy ways.

Now I rarely use canned or frozen vegetables, although I know I need to expand our repertoire beyond broccoli, zucchini, cauliflower, green beans and salad. And I’m much more likely to cook brown rice or couscous, ditching the processed white rice. Very rarely do we have spaghetti nights anymore and if we do, I try to keep whole grain pasta in the cupboard. Pasta has become more of a side dish, or an infrequent treat with homemade lasagna.

But is it too little, too late?

I am so impressed by a co-worker whose small children eat Greek yogurt and fruit. And by her conviction to teach her kids to eat this way.

I wish I had started earlier!

Oh, to be young

Monday, September 20, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Are you ever shocked to look in the mirror and see an old person?

I don’t know why my reflection still surprises me. Maybe it’s because I thought I’d always be skinny! Or because I really don’t feel any different on the inside than when I was 30… or 40… or even 25, and I still expect to see my younger self staring back at me.

When I was my kids’ age I used to add years when people asked me how old I was. I wonder if they do the same. Especially as a young person in my field, I always tried to appear older, thinking I would garner more respect from my colleagues or people I had to interact with. I couldn’t wait to turn 30!

Now I’d like to take some of those years back — and make peace with the reflection in the mirror. And I hope my kids appreciate their youth without wanting to always be older. It will happen before they know it!

Kids and their music!

Friday, September 17, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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My parents knew exactly what type of music I listened to. This is because I played records on a portable turntable. You probably remember the kind, where the speakers opened up like doors and the turntable pulled down.

I turned up the volume when I played music in my bedroom and was not inhibited about singing along. Looking back, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall, watching my parents’ reaction to the noise coming out of my room.

I don’t usually hear what my kids are listening to because they listen on their iPods with their headphones or ear buds or whatever you call those little things. C likes head-banging, screaming, angry hard rock that I can hear — as long as we’re in the same room — even when it’s playing right into his ears. G gravitates toward what we now call “classic rock” — there’s a reason I like riding in the car with him! And K, a “Glee” fan, loves Taylor Swift, among others.

So imagine my surprise when the sounds of Eminem came floating down from the upstairs bathroom. K turns on a radio while she showers and I was pretty sure that’s what I heard. She confirmed it, saying she likes Eminem. That his lyrics aren’t demeaning toward women like most of the rap that’s out there, although she does admit he uses foul language. But, she reminds me, the bad words are omitted on the radio, so she doesn’t hear them. I’m not sure I buy all of that. Think I’ll need to do a web search on his lyrics.

At least she’s not singing along! That would freak me out.

Enjoying the peace — and quiet

Wednesday, September 15, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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The sound of quiet! It’s not something I hear all that often, even with the kids mostly grown and doing their own thing.

Right now I’m sitting at my kitchen table, working on my laptop writing this blog and there is quiet all around me. K is doing homework up in her room and C is reading a book in his. Nobody’s watching TV! And if anybody’s listening to music, they’re using headphones.

If my husband were home there’d be a baseball game playing for sure. But he’s on a business trip. So it’s just me and the quiet. Of course, I have lots of household chores I could be doing — I just don’t want to! It would disturb the quiet.

Sometimes the quiet bugs me. I want noise and activity. But tonight I’m relishing the peace. So you’ll pardon me if I wrap this up. Think it’s time to take a cue from my son and go curl up with a good book!

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