Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond
About Rebecca Haynes

Archive for October, 2010

An eager driver-to-be

Friday, October 29, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Sometimes I feel like I’m the last to know in my house.

Most recent case-in-point: My husband took our 15-year-old daughter out for a drive — where he let her drive. This happened a few weeks ago when I was out of town for several days. And it seems that it was a secret, until my husband let it slip.

He even took a picture of her behind the wheel on his cell phone, which I’ve now seen. And when I asked my daughter about the experience, she broke into a wide smile.

OK, just so you aren’t worried that he was jeopardizing any lives by doing this, they drove to a very large parking lot at a nearby park and that was where she took the wheel, learning how to steer, use the gas and brake pedals and generally, just getting comfortable being in the driver’s seat. To my knowledge — which may not say much — this is the only time she’s been behind the wheel.
She turns 16 in January — about 2 and a half months from now — and is eager for that driving permit. She’s already checked and let me know that her birthday falls on a Friday. She’s asked if I can get off work, take her to the DMV on that day so she can take her written test and get said permit. This will allow her to sign up for the school-sponsored driver’s ed course during the second part of the year, rather than waiting until summer or next fall, when most of the current sophomores will end up taking their training.
I’m not sure I’m ready for another driver in the house! But like most things that have to do with family life, they often come at you before you’re ready.

Raiding the Halloween candy

Wednesday, October 27, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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My neighborhood is a big one for trick-or-treating. It’s usual for us to get several hundred kids on Halloween. So I usually start buying candy a month or so before the big event. Buying a few bags every week is better on the budget than buying it all at once.
Lately, however, that plan has backfired.
One week I bought peanut butter cups and some mini candy bars. But by the time it was time for my next trip to the grocery store the candy was gone. I had left it sitting in the kitchen, which apparently meant that it was free game for anybody to eat. If I had wanted to save it for Halloween, I was told, I should have put it away where no one would have been tempted.
So much for will power in this house! OK, so I admit to eating a couple of peanut butter cups myself — after someone else had opened the bag. Meanwhile, I’ve got a few more days to stock up before the trick-or-treaters arrive.

Making progress on the progress reports

Wednesday, October 20, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Does your child’s school mail home progress reports? My daughter’s does. I don’t find them particularly helpful, however.
“A pleasure to have in class.” “Doing good work.” “Inconsistent results on tests and quizzes.” OK. I guess this tells me that she’s not a trouble-maker (which I already knew) and is polite and respectful in class; and that her grades will be “good,” although perhaps “inconsistent.”
It seems to me that a progress report should include the student’s average at the time the report was compiled (in fairness, one of her teachers did this). It should indicate whether they’re keeping up with homework. And it should explain how serious the “inconsistent” results on tests and quizzes are and whether the student is in need of extra help.
I realize that teachers are, for the most part, overworked. These progress reports are designed so that they can do them quickly simply by checking the pre-written comments that apply to the student in question. Maybe it’s unrealistic for me to think they could be designed to offer more helpful information to parents. After all, if we’re concerned, teachers today are generally only an e-mail away.
But how about taking a look at the categories on these reports? Let’s give teachers some different options they can check: “Grade average is between 90 and 100.” “Grade average is between 70 and 80.” “Completes homework on a regular basis.” “Needs to attend after-school helping period.” “Is easily distracted in class.” “Listens well to the teacher/instructions.”
Much more helpful than “A pleasure to have in class” don’t you think?

Adding that third car

Monday, October 11, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Confession time.

I am not a parent who bought their kids cars when they turned 16. In fact, with the exception of a very small window of time, we were never more than a two-car family even when two out of three kids were licensed to be behind the wheel.

Sure, I know many parents did it more for their own convenience than for the kids. Otherwise we’ve got to be prepared to drive them everywhere or make sure there is a car available when they need it. And those of us with teens know how often that is!

I guess, though, I’m old-fashioned. I grew up in an era when — at least the kids who I knew — only had cars if they worked and saved up the money to buy them. Many bought mom and dad’s old clunker.

For me, that was a 1976 Ford Pinto. OK, you can stop laughing now. At least it was red. But I didn’t get this car until a couple months shy of my college graduation. The deal was I’d pay my dad $500 for the car in installments once I started my job. Of course, I had to spend so much money every month just to keep the car running that my dad eventually told me I didn’t have to pay him anything.

Well, we are finally adding a third car to the family, much to the relief of our recent-college-graduate son. Although he’s always worked, he’s used his money toward college expenses and for spending money, so he never had enough to buy a car — since even an old used one would have cost several thousand dollars (not to mention the insurance costs on top of that).

But starting this weekend he’ll have a car at his disposal. He’ll be able to drive himself to and from work every day without having to worry about getting his dad to and from the train station. He thinks it’s long overdue. I say it comes just at the right time.

Jumping back in after a time-out

Friday, October 8, 2010 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Time to re-enter the blogosphere. I haven’t posted in a week because, like many of you, I’ve had to take some time to deal with a family crisis.

My dad needed some serious surgery and because my folks live several states away, I have been a bit preoccupied with the worry that comes with such things as well as the traveling back and forth. He is doing well now and we are hopeful that that will continue.

Doesn’t it seem strange, though, when you’re so deep into such a health crisis, that everything else just keeps chugging along? That you may jump off of your own life train for a short time but when you come back, you find that you’re way off track and have missed everything that had the audacity to continue on without you?

I’ve known many people who have juggled work, family and serious health issues for either themselves or a loved one and I always had such respect for them and their ability to keep going. Now that I have a better first-hand look at what they faced, that respect is even higher. I’m behind at work and feel like an outsider in my own home, which of course carried on without me — the mom, who usually knows what everybody’s doing, where they need to be and who needs what.

But like the rest of you, I’ll catch up. I might not do it as seamlessly or as gracefully as some of you out there, but I’ll do my best.