How many of you are Facebook friends with your older kids?
We’ve had a disagreement about this in our house lately. I think I should have access to see what my kids are posting online (I do with two out of three of them); my husband thinks it’s not necessary.
The thing is, I don’t exert any control, unless expressing my concern over language I saw being used (which I did in a private message), counts. Other than that, there has been nothing that I’ve seen on my occasional check-ins that has caused any concern. Do I think any of my kids are going to post inappropriate photos of themselves or do anything bad? Of course not.
But I worry. And when the child who is the youngest — and, at 15, might need a little bit of guidance — makes it clear that they don’t want you to see any of their online conversations, it raises a red flag. Even if their reason for shutting you out has more to do with stubbornness or a need to exert their teenage independence than it does with them actually having something to hide.
Just how much privacy should teens have online?
My daughter is 17 and she’s been on social sites since she was 13, Neo-Pets and MySpace mostly, and now Facebook. When she first joined those sites both her father and I discussed security with her frequently, and stressed how criminals often try to connect with underage girls through these sites. My daughter chose registration names that leave no clue to her identity (she uses a fake last name on one site, for example); she does not post her resident state or town; she must give permission to people to view her profile. And yes, she’s friended both me and her dad. I don’t butt in much, but I do watch her conversations. There have been a few things I’ve mentioned to her in passing, but for the most part she’s not acting any differently than I did at her age. I know most of the people who she has friended, and anyone I have a question about I ask, and she tells me. I double-check with her father (she lives with him) and he corroborates. We’ve never had a problem with her being on any of these sites. Frankly I think it’s all in how the parent handles it – if you tend to overreact at everything you see and hear (and surmise) then your kids are going to try to hide things from you.
I have spoke to my daughter about Facebook since she is 14 it is our agreement that I will be her friend and check her page and her photo’s if there is something I do not feel comfortable with being up there I tell her and usually she takes it off. The rule is if I can’t see what is going on then she wont have one. There are too many people out there that have no clue what their children are doing and God forbid something happens it is the fault of the website. Privacy settings are a must even if she has tried to use them on me, but I find out anyway
Oh by the way he is 15.
If they have nothing to hide, you should be a friend. My son has me listed as a friend and he has posted some words I was not to thrilled about, but we talked about it and it works for us.
I’m not only my daughter’s friend on facebook, I have her password too. I’m listed as her parent along with her father. I’ve also had to block and report grown men trying to pick up on a then 15 year old. I think it is very important for a parent to know these things and they will thank you later. Also, it has to do with your approach if and when you should see them doing something inappropriate.
In our house the COST of the PRIVELEGE of having a facebook page is parental oversight. My 14 year old is not only facebook friends with me but gave me her logon info. It can’t be that bad because several of her friends have “friended” me too. I do not intrude but I do watch the conversations.
We have rules concerning online behavior and the fact that she knows I am watching helps her keep them. The one point we stress is that whatever you post online is there forever. Even when one deletes a post there are archive sites that keep everything.