Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for March, 2011

Filling the sort-of empty nest

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Spring is for the birds — literally. And if I ever wondered just how I’ll begin to fill my “empty nest” years, I now know the answer. I’ll be sitting with my husband in our living room, where we have a perfect view out the French sliders of our backyard bird feeder and the variety of feathered friends it attracts.

The feeder is a new accessory, acquired a couple weeks ago. It’s a pole system with attachments for four different feeders. The first to go up was an old-fashioned wooden feeder, the kind that looks almost like a little house, with a section in the middle where the seeds are stored and fall out into a bottom tray for bird access.

Bird activity was slow at first, but is definitely picking up. We’ve read and been told that it will take several weeks for the birds to come in earnest. But that didn’t help our initial impatience. We wanted to see birds right away!

So in our enthusiasm, we’ve added a second feeder, a wire tube that attaches to the top of the pole and holds shelled peanuts. It’s supposed to attract different species than the other feeder, like woodpeckers. So far we haven’t seen more than a couple of birds show an interest in that one, but again, patience is key.

We’re thinking of buying a birdbath — and also adding a finch feeder and maybe a feeder that attracts hummingbirds.

Who knew these real nest-builders would contribute to filling my own nest as it heads toward empty?

Pushing out of the comfort zone

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How often do you push yourself? Really test your limits and get out of your comfort zone?

I don’t do it enough, admittedly. But a couple people I know have recently impressed me with their willingness to stretch themselves.

The first is one of my kids. At 20, G is very much a social animal. So I was a bit worried when he tagged along on one of his dad’s business trips to London.

It was during spring break, so the timing was perfect. But Dad would only have one full day to spend with G. After that, he’d be busy with work and meetings and G would be on his own for sightseeing and activities — no friends to keep him company, normally an unspoken but understood prerequisite.

But he got up each day and set out on his own, a full schedule to see as many sights as possible. We wanted him to stretch himself and take advantage of a great opportunity. And he did.

Then there’s my friend. She wanted to do something unique and fun to celebrate her 40th birthday. So she went to trapeze school — yes, I said trapeze school!

She learned to fly dozens of feet above the ground and was so good at it, she was able to let go of her bar and be “caught” by one of the teachers in mid-air. Just like you’ve seen the pros do in the circus!

I’m not ready for a trapeze, but I definitely need to find a way to push the envelope. After all, I need to set an example for my daughter, who’s next on the list to get a push from her comfort zone.

The lost art of the apology

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Everybody makes mistakes, but it’s those who step up and take responsibility for them who earn respect.

In my opinion, this is one of the most important lessons a parent can teach. So it’s discouraging when I see the younger generation — especially teens and twenty-somethings — refuse to admit to mistakes, much less take responsibility for them.

Granted, I apologize way too much, for things that aren’t even my fault. But it bothers me when I notice young people having a hard time using the phrase “I’m sorry.” I’ve seen it in a lot of different situations and no, I’m not generally referring to my own children here. Sure, there are times when they need to apologize and they don’t, but I wouldn’t consider them among the worst offenders.

So what does a refusal to apologize mean? Are they afraid of something? Being judged; having an authority figure be angry with them; that mistakes make them failures?

I’m not sure, but I hope it’s a habit that’s outgrown.