Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for April, 2011

Mother of the groom

Friday, April 29, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Were you swept up in today’s royal nuptials? I was.

Our fascination here in the U.S. with the royal family is one of those unexplainable phenomena, but isn’t it fun to watch, share the joy and the pageantry and imagine what William and Catherine’s life together will be like?

I suspect their marriage will be more solid than that of William’s parents — they are older than the Diana, who was 20 on the day of her fairy tale wedding to Prince Charles. And they seem to have a more “typical” relationship, meeting in college and sticking it out through thick and thin over an 8-year courtship — depending on which timeline you believe — before tying the knot.

Part of our fixation, I’m sure, has to do with wanting to see William happy after the very unhappy events of his childhood, culminating in the tragic death of his mother. It’s sad to think about how happy Diana would have been today, and how much today’s events, and those leading up to it, might have made William miss her even more.

As a mom, I can’t imagine not seeing my kids happy and sharing such wonderful life milestones. God-willing I’ll be the mother of the groom — twice. And since both boys are now in their 20s, it may not be too far in the future before it happens.

As for William, he should know that today he had millions of mothers, all watching from around the world!

I’m sorry, but…

Monday, April 25, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

How often do you say you’re sorry?

If you’re like many women — and me — you probably say it a lot. In fact, it may even preface many of the simple and everyday questions you ask.

“I’m sorry, but is this seat taken?”

“I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know what time it is?”

These types of innocuous questions don’t need to be prefaced with “I’m sorry.” Yet many of us still do it. I think it’s something I started doing when I was a kid and now it’s just a habit. Maybe it’s part of my Midwestern upbringing?

You won’t hear most men using the words “I’m sorry” in the same types of situations. Most men will apologize if they feel badly about something or know they owe someone an apology. But they would be much more likely to rephrase the above questions in the following manner: “Is this seat taken?” Or “Do you know what time it is?” Men tend to look at apologies as a sign of weakness, which makes them less likely to offer one when it’s not needed.

That information, in case you’re wondering, is in a story about women and apologies in our May/June issue of HealthyLife magazine, of which I am editor. I did not make it up!

And in the meantime, I’m sorry, but I’m going to try to apologize less.

Does this happen to you?

Friday, April 22, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Remember how I said time gets away from me? Well, I did it again.

I said in a previous post that this was the sixth consecutive year I had a child in college. But it’s only the fifth.

Even though we’ve been through six years of college tuition, we had two kids in school during one of those academic years. So I miscounted. See how it all runs together?

And how often do you think it’s Friday when it’s really Thursday? Or you think it’s Tuesday but it’s (unfortunately) Monday? This happens to me a lot. Or I think it’s a week earlier or a week later than the calendar says.

I don’t know why this happens. Am I disorganized? I don’t think so. Is it yet another sign of my advancing age? I hope not!

Does this happen to you? I hate to say I hope so… but I hope so! I’d hate to be alone on this one.

Keeping up with the clock

Monday, April 18, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

It seems that time just slips through my fingers these days. I have a hard time keeping track of whether I did something the day before yesterday, two weeks or two months ago.

Does that happen to you?

I’ve always heard that the older you get the faster time goes by. It’s an old adage I’ve used often in conversation, but it seems to have become more pronounced lately.

Out-of-town family members who, in the past, I usually speak to every week or two are telling me it’s been more than two months since I’ve called. Really? When I sit down and think about it, they’re right, of course. But it just doesn’t seem like it’s been that long.

In a month G will finish his second year of college. Really? It seems like he just finished high school.

Soon we’ll be starting the college search for K. That’s a big really?! After all, she’s our baby and how could she possibly be even close to that age?

You know what they say… about time, that is.

Birthday in absentia

Wednesday, April 13, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

It’s a strange feeling when it’s your child’s birthday but you’re not around to help them celebrate.

I should be used to it, since I’m now into my sixth consecutive year of having a kid away at college. But birthdays in our house always included the tradition of the birthday dinner, i.e. Mom makes whatever the birthday boy or girl requests. So with G five hours away at school, his 20th birthday dinner will be whatever they’re serving tonight in the dorm.

Of course colleges make it easy now for parents to remember their child’s special occasion — and spend our money. So I ordered a birthday cake to be delivered today, complete with birthday wishes from home.

It will have to suffice. And with two kids now in their 20s, I’ll have to get used to the fact that I have only one teenager left.

The empty nest creeps closer…

What do your friends mean to you?

Friday, April 8, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Get the discussion started!

How many of you depend on your female friends to help you through a difficult situation? Maybe you rely on their support and ability to listen when you need to vent or have someone tell you you’re not crazy?

HealthyLife magazine — of which I am editor — is looking for women to tell us whether it’s important to make time to get together with their women friends. If so, why? What do you get from time spent with them?

Help us get the discussion started. Visit us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/HealthyLifeCTmagazine and click on “Discussion” in the left menu bar. Add your comments. Don’t be shy!! We’d love to run some of your answers (with first names only!) in the magazine.

And pass this around, get your friends to join in. We want to hear from you!!

Scheduling ‘girl’ time

Wednesday, April 6, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Are you a woman who nurtures her friendships — especially with other women?

I used to be better about it. I never missed book club “meetings” and scheduled occasional dinners out or weekend antiquing or shopping trips with one of my “girl” friends.

But I’m sorry to say I have dropped the ball. I don’t think I’ve been to book club in close to a year. And with the exception of a recent movie night with a friend to see “The King’s Speech,” I can’t remember when I last spent time doing something with one of my women friends.

Lest you all think I have no social activity, my husband and I have had a decent social calendar lately, doing “couples” things with other “couple” friends. But I know I need to make time to be with my female friends — no men included.

Studies show women need female friendships. They’re good listeners. They let us vent, offer us encouragement and support. We live longer and are happier when we have wonderful friends to share our lives with.

So, I know it’s a little late for New Year’s Resolutions, but I’m making a promise to myself that I will schedule at least one outing each month with a friend I haven’t seen in a while. It will do me good!

Getting comfortable in the kitchen

Friday, April 1, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

I’m loving our new house rule! Each member of our family must take a weeknight and cook dinner.

Why I didn’t think to do this years ago is beyond me! But I’m so glad I ran into an old friend recently who gave me the idea, telling me about its success in her own home and what a difference it has made in everybody’s attitudes: i.e., her children are much more appreciative of the effort it takes to put a nice family dinner on the table! Not to mention the great life skills they are learning!

OK, so our kids are all teens and in my case, older. But even one of my co-workers, whose kids are younger, was inspired by this idea and has her two (ages 9 and 12), working together one night a week to make dinner. They’ve liked doing it so much that the 12-year-old has requested taking on more meals by himself, which has made his 9-year-old sister want to do the same.

And just to clarify, we’re not talking throw a frozen pizza in the oven or open a box of mac and cheese. We’re talking a real dinner. A look-through-the-cookbook-and-find-something-that-sounds-good type of dinner. One with real meat, that requires perhaps some chopping and sautéing of fresh veggies.

One key to the success of this plan is to have everyone think ahead. I make an announcement on Saturday, giving everyone notice of when I will be heading to the grocery store. They must get me their list of ingredients so that I can make sure everything they need is in place on their designated night.

The new rule hasn’t been in effect long in my house, but so far I’ve had the pleasure of eating some lovely dinners that I did not have to prepare, including: spaghetti and meatballs, sausage and peppers accompanied with sweet potato fries, and homemade (including the crust) barbecue chicken pizza, complete with onions and peppers! Disclaimer: The spaghetti you see in the photo accompanying this post was not made by my kids. Note to self: Remember to photograph these things in the future!

I can hardly wait to see what they’ll make next! And I love that the kids will cook things I never would have considered.