How often do you say you’re sorry?
If you’re like many women — and me — you probably say it a lot. In fact, it may even preface many of the simple and everyday questions you ask.
“I’m sorry, but is this seat taken?”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but do you know what time it is?”
These types of innocuous questions don’t need to be prefaced with “I’m sorry.” Yet many of us still do it. I think it’s something I started doing when I was a kid and now it’s just a habit. Maybe it’s part of my Midwestern upbringing?
You won’t hear most men using the words “I’m sorry” in the same types of situations. Most men will apologize if they feel badly about something or know they owe someone an apology. But they would be much more likely to rephrase the above questions in the following manner: “Is this seat taken?” Or “Do you know what time it is?” Men tend to look at apologies as a sign of weakness, which makes them less likely to offer one when it’s not needed.
That information, in case you’re wondering, is in a story about women and apologies in our May/June issue of HealthyLife magazine, of which I am editor. I did not make it up!
And in the meantime, I’m sorry, but I’m going to try to apologize less.
WOW – I am SO with you! I agree – I’m not sure if it is our Midwestern upbringing (I was “upbringed” there too – LOL!) but all of my life I have done the same thing. To answer your question “how much” do I say this? Well – although I’m not sure exactly…I can tell you it’s far less than I used to! Maybe it’s due, in part, to the idea that we are not supposed to “talk back” or interupt our parents or elders? Perhap’s it’s due, in part, to the “children should be sen and not heard” thing? OR perhaps it’s due, in part, to our own insecurities and/or low self worth? Or some kind of combination? I don’t know….but I do know that somewhere in my early 40′s I realized that I was apologizing all the time for everything – mainly me! it was then that I decided THAT was enough of THAT! So, I quit – cold turkey! LOL! It feels great NOT to apologize for me anymore…truly, it does. And what’s more, the response of people have ben amazing. You can still say “is that seat taken?” with a kind voice and a smile and get a great response – you do not have to apologize for yourself – it’s just a question! Certainly, I do apologize, when it’s warrented. I thank you for sharing this topic – it is absolutely a “real thing” and all of us should be aware that we do not…DO NOT have to apologize for asking a simple question. We do nothave to apologize for ourselves.
so true! i do it too, even tho i am from NY, NY!!