Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for June, 2011

Summer’s transportation juggle

Wednesday, June 22, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Summer is officially here and soon it will be in full swing.

Do things slow down in your house? Or do they heat up? For us, summer has always been a bit of a challenge, as I know it is for many families. When the kids were small, arrangements had to be made for where they’d be and who’d be watching them during the days when their father and I were both at work. Now that they’re older, it’s more about the supply of cars and whether we have enough of them to get everybody where they need to be.

With four drivers in the family, four people working and three cars, we’re able to juggle transportation simply because the car portion of my husband’s commute is to get to the train station.

But with four drivers and three cars, we’re not so eager to add a fifth driver, much to our daughter’s dismay. At 16, she continues to ask when we’ll take her to the DMV so she can get her permit. I’d be quite happy postponing that event for as long as possible!

Sure, there are times when I’ve thought it would be nice if she could drive herself to some of the places she needs or wants to go. Last weekend, for instance, I had planned my entire Sunday only to be told around noon that she needed to get to the mall so she could buy birthday presents for a couple of friends. Having one of her brothers take her wasn’t an option this time. “If only you could drive yourself,” I thought to myself.

Which, I then thought, is probably exactly what she hoped I’d think. Sneaky!

Family contributions

Monday, June 20, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Division of labor in our house hasn’t always been equal. Some pitch in more consistently and with less attitude than others, but everybody contributes at some point and on some level.

Quite frankly, the older I get, the more I appreciate being able to turn to one of the kids and say, “Can you please take care of that?” I love my children, but when they’re all gone and out on their own, this may be one of the hardest things for my husband and I to get used to — having no one to turn to for chore delegation and thus, being forced to do everything ourselves.

Of course, the kids think we consider them slave labor. And I’m frequently told that we are the only parents who require them to do things like clean toilets, scrub showers, clean up the dishes after dinner and do their own laundry.

“We are a family,” I always told them when they complained, “and in a family, everybody has to pitch in and do their share.”

One thing I’ve noticed is that the older they get, the more willing they are to help. Or maybe it’s just that they’ve resigned themselves to it, figuring out it’s easier to do the job than waste time and effort arguing about it.

Regardless, I do appreciate their contributions. The boys, especially, have tackled much more complicated home repair projects and done them successfully. Even my daughter was under the sink with a wrench last night, helping her brother install a new soap dispenser that will be easy to refill.

So I’ll enjoy them while I still have them — for more reasons than you can imagine.

Feeling nostalgic

Friday, June 17, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Do you ever find yourself glued to pictures of the past?

Today I can’t seem to take my eyes from a framed photo on my desk. It was a picture I snapped of my husband and our three children in our backyard about 15 years ago. They’re all squeezed onto the platform at the top of the slide on the wooden play set my husband designed and built with our oldest, who was then 8.

I remember the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, deciding how it should be built and how much space they could use in the yard. How many swings should it have? Should it have rings or a monkey bar? What about a sliding pole or a climbing net? And how long should the slide be? Our son decided on the features with his younger brother — who was 5 at the time — chiming in. Their sister, who was only 1, didn’t get a say.

Then it was off to buy the wood and play accessories. And then the building began. The whole thing was a quick process, as I recall.

That play set got lots of use for many years. And the son who helped design it is all grown up — with a degree from a top engineering school. Big surprise there!

Of course, in later years the play set sat mostly unused, empty swings swaying in the wind. We had discussions about taking it down, but I don’t think my husband wanted to. It was a connection to a great memory that I don’t think he wanted to lose.

But it did come down finally. And whenever we need a bit of nostalgia, all we have to do is visit the friends we gave it to. Now it sits in their backyard for their 5-year-old daughter and her friends to enjoy.

Spreading the fun… and the memories.

A first vacation!

Friday, June 10, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Our oldest returns this weekend from his first official adult, no-parents-or-family-included vacation.

Sure, he’s gone other places on his own and made long weekend jaunts here and there. But this was the first “working man’s” vacation, meaning he used those coveted vacation days from his employer (remember how few of them there were at your first “real” job after college?) and planned and paid for his time away.

No big deal, you might say. But I look at it as yet another milestone in his independent adult life — one that’s been a bit different from mine, and many others in my generation. Most of us found jobs fairly easily after college, moved into our own apartments and proceeded to begin our lives, independent of parents, siblings and house rules.

In today’s economy, C is lucky to have a job. And living in this very expensive region of the country, he’s lucky that job is commuting distance from home. Even at his good starting salary, he could not afford an apartment and all of the bills that come along with independent living.

So like many other young adults his age, he lives at home. He wishes he didn’t have to, I’m sure. He’d rather be on his own and not have to answer to us on his comings and goings.

His vacation was a break from that. I hope he had a great time — and that he’ll share some stories with his family!

Couldn’t resist the book sale

Monday, June 6, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

I fear I’ve already broken my promise to myself.

Remember how I just said I was going to try to read less for “pleasure” and work on expanding my personal and professional development? Well… this weekend was the annual Summerfest in our little village. It’s a two-day, small-town celebration that includes a parade, lots of booths, live music, kids games and a big white elephant sale at my church. Amid the twin bed frames, old waffle irons, used lamps, kids’ car seats, television sets and mismatched dishes were books. And more books… probably a couple thousand and even that may be a modest estimate!

So when I started looking through them, I was told if I bought five, I could take another five for free. Thus, I now have 10 “gently used” paperback and hard cover books sitting in a bag waiting for my attention. And it was all I could do not to pick another 10!

I specifically looked for non-fiction books, truly I did! But most of what they had in that category (or at least what I was able to see) were political biographies or old reference books. So instead, I picked out my usual “pleasure” reading — with an eye toward classics. I picked up “Les Miserables” — in English, of course. I’ve seen it on Broadway, but never read Victor Hugo’s tome. I also found a copy of “The Good Earth” by Pearl S. Buck. Not necessarily classics, I also picked up “Catch Me If You Can,” which I thought would be fun to read even though I never saw the movie adapted from it. “Wideacre” by Philippa Gregory also made its way into my bag, having enjoyed “The Other Boleyn Girl.”

I can’t remember the others off the top of my head but guess that they’re mainstream authors — am pretty sure there’s a Grisham book in that bag. So I’ll make every attempt to squeeze in some self-help books while I’m reading my new finds. And when I’m done with each, I’ll give those that are appropriate to my daughter to augment her summer reading. The others I’ll bring into work and put them on our lunchroom book swap table for someone else to take and enjoy.

Expanding my reading repertoire

Friday, June 3, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Do you read self-help books? I have not made this a habit, but am beginning to think I’ve done myself no favors by sticking to “pleasure” reading.

My husband hardly reads anything that doesn’t contains news, news analysis or some type of self-betterment tips and information or trends in his industry. I used to tease him about this and was quite happy with my stack of book club picks. After all, I read to de-stress and relax. And after a long day at work, then often chores at home, why would you want to read “boring” books about how to be a better communicator or improve your productivity?

But recently I attended a professional seminar. It was highly motivational and made me take a serious look at my professional (and personal) development — or lack thereof. I’m discovering that these self-help books aren’t all “boring” — kind of embarrassing to admit at my age. A duh moment, I guess!

So I’m now making a pledge to myself that my reading stack will show more variety, and offer helpful tips that might just make me better at something I do. And if your reading stack has been like mine, you might want to think about it too. It sets a good example for the kids!

Full disclosure? I don’t think so

Wednesday, June 1, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes

Writing this blog is sometimes like juggling knives (although I say that figuratively, having never actually juggled knives myself).

After all, it’s my goal to discuss topics that are universal. Topics that other moms and families have probably dealt with or will deal with at some point in the future.

But sometimes, what happens in a family needs to stay private. I can’t constantly hold up things my children and husband do (or don’t do) as blog fodder. It wouldn’t be fair to them. So I must pick and choose my topics wisely. And as you can imagine, there have been many “universal” topics I’ve chosen not to discuss here, since I try very hard not to embarrass anybody but myself in these postings!

I even set up my Facebook profile (where these blogs automatically post) so that the blog wouldn’t post on my 16-year-old daughter’s page from my news feed. Didn’t want any potential embarrassment for her there. Of course, that meant nothing from my news feed posted on her page and she took offense that I was blocking her from seeing my info. So I reversed that. She can’t say I didn’t warn her!