Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond
About Rebecca Haynes

Archive for July, 2011

Household project manager

Friday, July 29, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
Comment
Comments
|
|

I’m a project manager and didn’t know it. More than likely you are, too.

Like most moms, I have to concern myself with making sure everybody else in my family is taken care of. I don’t get up every day and just worry about myself, what do I need to get done today? Where do I need to be?

I get to worry about everybody else as well. Does K have someone to get her to the practice she has to be at this afternoon? Does she need a physical to get her school sports participation forms filled out and in by the deadline? Did G remember to tell his boss that he has a doctor’s appointment and will be late to work tomorrow? Did C take care of the college loan payment issue he’s having? Is there something in the fridge that they all can make for dinner because I’m going to be working late tonight? Is the laundry done so my husband will have clean clothes to pack for his business trip?

The list goes on…. and on. So many little details that frankly, I’m shocked that more things haven’t been forgotten or missed over the years.

Of course, this comes on the heels of my writing about letting your kids fail and make their own mistakes, so I hope I’m not contradicting myself. Am I micro-managing again?

Earlier today I sent a son an e-mail reminding him of some important tasks he needed to complete today. Trust me. If these were run-of-the-mill things, I wouldn’t bother. They were important, so I cc’d my husband. You see, as a project manager by day, he has a tendency to frequently ask me whether these little details have been addressed and completed. He’s also a delegator — and good at it.

“Spoken like a project manager,” was his e-mail reply to me.

I hadn’t thought about it before, but I have totally been a project manager since we started our family 23 years ago. And so has every other mom out there.

Want successful kids? Let them fail

Wednesday, July 27, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
Comment
Comments(1)
|
|

Do you let your kids fail? I don’t mean get Fs in school, I’m talking life experiences.

We have a story running in our Sept/Oct issue of HealthyLife magazine that’s about just that, and how many of us have not done right by our kids because we want to rush to their rescue every time they get in trouble or help them work their way out of every problem that arises.

Kids need to learn how to do these things on their own. And if they don’t learn with the smaller stuff when they’re little (how to make up with a friend they’ve had a disagreement with or how to handle a teacher who might not like them), how are they supposed to handle the bigger stuff as they grow into teens, young adults and then adults?

“Failure is probably the most important teacher in life,” expert and author Laura Gauld says in the story. Gauld is co-author of “The Biggest Job We’ll Ever Have” and head of the Hyde Boarding School in Woodstock, CT. When we take away the experience of failure and the ability to bounce back from it, we rob our kids of an opportunity for growth.

It’s hard not to be over-protective, but we really do need to step back and think carefully before we, as parents, intervene in a situation that we should let our kids handle on their own. So if you’re wondering why your teen or twenty-something may lack common sense or the ability to think through difficult situations, take a look at yourself — you may have enabled it!

A challenging stretch

Monday, July 25, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
Comment
Comments(1)
|
|

I’d like to write a happy, funny blog where I poke fun at myself for everyone’s amusement. But I can’t seem to do it.

I’m having one of those stretches where parenting isn’t much fun. Not that it’s supposed to be. But lately, it’s been one challenge after another. Kind of has me longing for the days when the kids were little and our biggest worries were so inconsequential that I can’t even remember what they were!

How do you do it? How do you live with two twenty-somethings and one teenage girl and have everybody get along? It must be possible.

Everybody does their own thing — or wants to. And although it’s sad, I do think it’s expected. After all, when you raise kids, you want them to grow into their own lives. Separating and declaring their independence from the nuclear family they’ve grown up with is part of that process — I think.

Or maybe I’m wrong and every other family with kids that age continues to happily spend time with one another? Which is it?

I’m happily accepting any advice!

Yearning for organization

Friday, July 22, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
Comment
Comments(3)
|
|

Do you ever go through periods of extreme disorganization? I feel like I’m going through one right now.

I’m forgetting things — at work and at home. I can’t seem to keep my lists in order or the clutter at bay. My attention span is zip.

Could it be summer’s heat? Could it be all the minutiae in my life? Could it be menopause? Or do I just need a vacation?

Please tell me I’m not the only one!!

My husband doesn’t seem to have this problem. He’s always organized and remembers things that must be taken care of. Is this a general male trait? Or do I just have an ultra-organized spouse?

It makes me feel like a flake. Hopefully, I’m not alone!