Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond
About Rebecca Haynes

Archive for October, 2011

I have to exercise, right?

Friday, October 28, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
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I’m about to make a confession that will resonate with some of you and have others thinking I’ve got a major character flaw that revolves around laziness.

I am stuck in a rut — a rut I can’t seem to get out of even though intellectually, I know how to get out of it. And my guess is that many of you out there are going through the same thing — or have already and worked through it.

I’m referring specifically to exercise and incorporating it into my daily life. Of course, I know how important it is to take care of your body and stay fit. I’m editor of a women’s health magazine, after all. So I thought after doing this job for a while — and at this point it’s been two years — I would be fit and trim and feeling great.

Well… although I feel fine and am healthy, I’m not fit and trim. Sure, I’m able to hike and do some other activities I enjoy. But I’m not fit. I’m not actively engaged in testing my endurance or increasing my strength or getting rid of the body fat that is increasingly growing on me — and I don’t mean that in a good way!

And I use my schedule as an excuse, sometimes justifiably, sometimes not. Then I wonder, What’s wrong with me? Is there some reason I’m unable to commit to joining a gym (I use finances and time as the excuse here) or get on my treadmill (yes, I have one in my basement) at least five days a week, or incorporate exercise DVDs or some type of home workouts into my routine? Even sign up for a yoga class offered by the town rec department? Why is it that I can go out and spend $50 on an item of clothing but when it comes to spending money toward any type of fitness, I’m leery to part with the cash?

Maybe I need therapy!!

I’m thinking there are lots of you moms out there who can relate! Do I put dinner on the table or do I go out for a power walk or head to aerobics class? I’ve tried exercising in the morning before work, but this means getting up even earlier (I’m NOT a morning person) and although I can do it for a while, I’m never able to sustain it over the long haul. I’m afraid I’ve set a terrible example for my daughter. Talking about food, worrying about weight gain, at odds with my body image. And although she hopefully notices when I do exercise, I’m afraid I don’t do it regularly enough to make an impact on her. And it’s nearly too late — she’ll be in college in less than two years!

So I’m making this very public commitment to figure out what I need to do — and do it. After all, I’m a reasonably intelligent person who already knows the answer to this question. It’s just about trying to find something that works for me that I can keep up with over time. And I will use this blog to keep myself honest, offering periodic updates of my successes or failures.

Are you in the same boat? Let me know how you’re dealing with this issue in your life.

Decisions, decisions…

Friday, October 21, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
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Are you an over-thinker, or maybe a people-pleaser? I’m guilty on both counts, but when you put those two things together, it creates a lot of head chatter — and sometimes indecisiveness.

When pondering a decision, do you think about what you want? Or do you think about what your husband, kids, friends or whoever else might be affected by your decision, would want? Sometimes, even if the decision I’m making only affects me, I still will ask myself what decision others would make in my shoes. Is that pathetic? Is it normal? There have to be lots of you out there who do the same thing, right? Please tell me I’m not the only one!

Sometimes this trait is good. For instance, I’m generally easy to please and easy going about lots of things. I’m going to have a good time no matter which show we see or which restaurant we eat at. So I’ll gladly go where others with me want to go. This way, I have a fun and happy night, as do those I’m with. Basically, I’m happy when everybody else is happy!

Other times it’s a curse. Vacations, for instance, are tough for me. Not taking them, but planning them and deciding where to go. This is because no matter what I decide, I feel someone won’t be happy. So I avoid it, much to my husband’s aggravation, I’m sure.

When weighing pros and cons over a decision, I’ll try to think up every scenario about what may or may not happen based on that decision and also will try to account for what others who might be affected would see as the pros and cons. Over-thinking? It’s a quagmire!

Do men do this? I should ask my husband, but I don’t think he does. I’ve always admired his ability to make sound decisions. Maybe that’s why I have trouble? I’m afraid my decisions won’t be as good!

Teen talk

Monday, October 10, 2011 by:Rebecca Haynes
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How are your communication skills? And do they work with a teenager?

Mine don’t seem to be so sharp these days! As any of you who have teens know, getting them to talk isn’t always easy. They’re at a stage where their friends are a much more important influence and keeping information from their parents is a way to exert their independence.

And let’s face it, when the kids get to be teens many of us — myself included — are guilty of lecturing. The issues they face are bigger and we can get carried away trying to impart “helpful” knowledge based on our own experiences — all out of love and concern, of course.

The good news, according to a story in the Nov/Dec issue of HealthyLife magazine, which goes to the printer today, is that teens do want to talk to us and hear what we have to say, even though most of them will never admit it. The most important thing, however, isn’t so much about talking, but about listening. If your teen doesn’t feel like you listen — and really hear them — they’ll be less likely to want to share or, more importantly, come to you if they’re facing a problem or situation they don’t know how to handle.

Now let’s see if I can take a deep breath the next time I want to lecture about something, remember this and put it into action!