Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for 2012

Carry those lost in your heart

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It’s been a very tough week. Hard to hold what’s supposed to be the joy of the holiday season in your heart.

Today, moments of silence were held not just here in our corner of the earth, where the unspeakable happened a week ago today, but all over the world. There is comfort in knowing so many people are sending their love and support your way. But most of us still can’t comprehend how the families whose loved ones are now gone can get through this.

It’s my hope that we all carry a little bit of each one of those 26 souls in our hearts — their joy of life, their dreams for the future, their selflessness and most of all, their ability to love and to connect with others. That’s been a recurring theme for so many of the people lost in this senseless act — they understood how important it was to connect with others and treat them with kindness, compassion and respect.

Let’s all try to do the same.

We’re all Newtown

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“You are not alone.”
President Obama said those words last night at Newtown High School. He spoke during a moving service meant to start the healing process — a service that paid tribute to the 20 children and six adults who were innocent victims of a gunman’s rampage on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary School.
And he’s right. We’re all with you. We all grieve for you. We want you to know how much we care. How much we wish we could help. We can’t imagine your pain. Your loss.
All over Fairfield County people are in shock. They’re heartbroken. This kind of thing shouldn’t happen here, in our own backyard. These were young, defenseless children; and brave teachers, administrators and school staff who tried to protect them.
But the President was right. The people of Newtown and the family and friends of those who were slain aren’t alone. An outpouring of sympathy has come not just from your neighbors next door, but from people across the state, the region, the nation and even the world. Candlelight vigils are being held as far away as India, and people everywhere are sending their prayers and messages of support.
No Newtown, you’re not alone. And we hope knowing that brings you some comfort as you make your way through this nightmare.

The beloved (and hated) holiday letter!

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Are you checking items off your holiday to-do list?

I’ve got many tasks to finish before our family spends Christmas away from home for the first time ever. And high up on that list is sending out our holiday greeting cards, which means writing the annual holiday letter.

It’s a subject of controversy, I know. People either love them or hate them. Of course, many of these letters can come across as elitist. We’ve all seen them. “Suzy had yet another year of all A’s, making Honor Society. And we’re so proud that she won first place in All-Around at the state gymnastics competition, which we were afraid she was going to miss after she sprained her wrist while helping victims of Hurricane Sandy dig sand and mud out of their basements. And did we mention, she was accepted to Harvard!”

Please!!

We try very hard NOT to make our letters sound like this (not that our kids have done any or all of those things), but at the same time focus on the good stuff that’s happened in the year since we sent our last holiday letter.

Some years, though, I draw blanks and pass this task to my husband. I think he’s better at summarizing the family’s high points and knowing just what to share with others. And why is that? After all, I lived through the same year with the same people. Why can he remember things I can’t?

Some years I’ve debated nixing the letter. A signed card should be adequate, right? Especially since our kids are grown and it’s no longer necessary to include that cute group photo like when they were little. But then other people’s cards start to roll in, most of which include these family letters and many of which tell me they’re looking forward getting our family update.

So I cave.

Of course, it’s early. We’ve only gotten two holiday cards. But I know they’re coming!

That holiday letter is on this weekend’s to-do list.

Say no to smart phones

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I’m about to jump off a cliff and get myself in trouble. Kids don’t need smart phones.

There, I said it.

We have computers for Internet access and a 12- or even 16-year-old doesn’t need to be able to google Justin Bieber from her cell phone. Don’t our kids have enough electronic distractions?

Then there’s the cost. Of course, I know plenty of parents who shell out the extra $30 per phone, per month, so their kid (or kids) can use a smart phone. I’m just not one of them.

Our oldest was 24, a college graduate and gainfully employed before he got a smart phone, which he pays for himself and also needs for work e-mail since he travels for his job. Next in line, I know G, at 21, wants one. He was inquiring about it while home from college over Thanksgiving. Sorry. Not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent (and yes, I am mimicking Dana Carvey’s impression of George Bush No. 1 when I say that out loud). And K, our high school senior, knows not to even bring up the subject.

Our two youngest have phones from which they can call and text to their heart’s desire, or as any situation warrants.

Sure, they can get a smart phone — when they pay for it themselves.

Let’s give thanks!

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Most of us have lots to be thankful for.

Most of us didn’t lose our homes or possessions in Hurricane Sandy. Most of us are healthy and still have jobs and are able to take care of ourselves and our families.

So let’s not forget these things as we sit down to the Thanksgiving table. Let’s offer up a big thank you for our blessings and do our part to help others who need it.

And a Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Please say yes, Ms. College Admissions Officer!

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It has begun.

Last night K clicked “Submit” on the first of her college applications. It was part relief, part terrifying. Being the editor that I am, I’m always afraid some detail was missed or some T wasn’t crossed. But there comes a time when you just have to go with it. You just have to hit the send button.

She’ll be repeating the process several more times over the next few weeks. It’s stressful. Does her essay really make her come alive for the admissions officer who will read it? Will her high school resume hold up when compared to the thousands of other kids who will also be applying? And those SAT scores she worked so hard for. If only there were another 50 points to add!

We all think our kids are terrific. But their future is placed in the hands of a college admissions officer — generally a complete stranger — who will say, “Yes” or “No.”

Time to take a deep breath and move forward.

Marking time with school pics

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Have you gotten your kids’ school pictures yet?

K had her all-important senior portrait taken and we already have our order. The 8×10 is framed and up on the piano, so my set is complete. Her brothers’ senior pictures — sadly a bit outdated at this point — flank hers.

I have a tradition that I’m guessing many of you share. I keep all of the school pictures inside the frames I display them in. So every year when the new one comes, I take out all of the past photos and line them up and look at how that child has grown over the years. I just did that with K’s pictures. I can’t believe she’s almost 18. It’s so cliché, but it literally does seem like just yesterday that she was the toothless first-grader grinning back at me from that year’s photo.

One of my co-workers does the same thing. I just got to see pictures of her daughter from years past as she brought this year’s new photo in for display on her desk. I’m hoping I’ll get to see her son’s pictures when that new one comes in.

It’s a universal “mom” thing, I think. And it’s a tradition I’ll miss since this year is the end of the line for school pictures in our family.

All good things must come to an end.

That radio still works?

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Do you recognize the item in this picture?

Most of our kids have never used a transistor radio, but this one was my family’s connection to the world and what was happening after we lost electricity when Hurricane Sandy hit.

This little portable radio was one of my favorite possessions, a Christmas gift from circa 1970, I believe. I’m amazed it’s even still around. It only gets AM stations, since FM wasn’t really mainstream at the time — at least not where I lived. It even had the single ear piece I could plug in and use to listen in private, an attachment that has long since been lost.

Using the radio over those few days last week got me thinking about my attachment to it, in relation to my kids’ attachment to their iPods and cell phones and all other forms of electronic devices. Sure, this little radio was a simpler device in a simpler time, but it served much the same purpose, giving me the ability to listen to what I wanted to hear and tune out whatever I didn’t.

And even though it didn’t directly connect me with my friends, it enabled me to connect with the music (even on commercial AM radio) that meant something to me. I do think there’s a similarity there. The difference, of course, is that I didn’t keep my little radio with me 24/7, sometimes ignoring real life going on around me as my attention was consumed by the device.

Still, I’ll think of this little radio the next time I see a teenager (or other young person) plugged into their iPod, oblivious to the world.

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