Midlife Mom

Navigating the teen years… and beyond

Archive for September, 2012

Put yourself on a magazine cover

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Have you ever fantasized about being a magazine cover model?

Most of us probably have — even if it was back when we were 10 years old. But if you’re a woman between the ages of 35 and 54 who lives or works in Fairfield County, CT, you might just have the opportunity to make that childhood dream come true.

HealthyLife magazine, of which I am editor, is looking for its cover models for 2013. We are searching for 10 ladies who are confident, fit and believe in living a healthy lifestyle.

Does this describe you? If so, entering is easy. Just go to www.healthylifect.com/cover-model/ and follow the instructions. We’ll select those women we think are good candidates to come in for a test shoot and then will make our final decisions.

So what does being a cover model entail? It means meeting us at a local store that will provide the clothes you’ll wear. There you’ll try on lots of great pieces so we can put together the outfits for the shoot.

The morning of the shoot, you’ll have your hair and makeup done at an area salon — we use some of the best! Then you’ll spend several hours being the center of attention as we photograph you in a terrific area location.

It’s a fun day for all! We love featuring you — our readers — on our covers.

So what are you waiting for? Deadline for entries is this Friday, Sept. 28.

What was Kate thinking?

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Getty Images

How are your decision-making skills?

I’ve always been somewhat Jekyll and Hyde with mine — sometimes they come easy and sometimes I struggle too much and take way too long to make them. My fear is that my kids have learned from me — not necessarily a good thing.

But they’re older now and mostly in charge of their own decisions. I try not to interfere unless I feel it’s necessary (and my motherly duty).

But tell me, what if you were Kate Middleton’s mum? Just what would you say to your daughter?

I can’t fathom what the Duchess of Cambridge was thinking when she decided to sunbathe partially nude while on vacation with hubby Prince William? What went through her head? Why would someone who knows the paparazzi follow her everywhere think it’s OK to do this — yes, even when she’s in a place that’s supposed to be private? Did she just want to see what would happen?

If she were my daughter I would be asking her those questions.

Of course, part of decision-making is making the wrong choice and learning from it. I suspect Kate will chalk this up to lesson learned.

And isn’t that really the best you can hope for with your kids? Luckily, for mine, their bad decisions aren’t out there for the world to see (no pun intended!).

It’s all in the photo

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Sometimes it takes a picture to make you see.

Like with your kids. They grow and their appearance changes, but often we still see them as children.

So imagine my surprise when the proofs from my daughter’s senior portrait session arrived in the mail. There, smiling back at me from the photographs, was a beautiful young woman.

Maybe it’s because she’s the baby of the family that I lag behind in accepting the fact that she’s growing up? After all, K growing up gets me closer to that time and place when all of my children will have flown the proverbial nest. Or maybe it’s that acknowledging her growing up means I have to acknowledge that I’m getting older? Who knows?

What makes it even more strange to me is that we’ve done the college visits. I know she’s a young adult and will be off at college this time next year. But why didn’t I see it?

Do you see your kids? I think I’ll look at mine in a whole new light.

The (mail) battle of the colleges

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The college countdown begins.

And if, like me, you have a high school senior in your house, you know what I’m talking about. Occasional bursts of marketing mail still come from obscure colleges K has no interest in (why do they waste their money in this way?), but mostly the bulk of college mail that used to arrive each day for her has slowed way down.

Except for the schools she has shown interest in — especially if they’re private. A one-inch thick marketing catalog filled with information on the university’s programs and class offerings arrived yesterday from one of her top private choices — a place that is already in receipt of her SAT scores.

You wonder how the public schools can compete with the marketing that outrageous private school tuitions help to buy. Sure, K has gotten some small postcards from a couple of the public universities that are still on her application list. Some just remind her that they’re still around; others invite her to open houses this fall.

I have to say I’m leaning toward the public schools. We did a private with our oldest (now a graduate, gainfully employed) and although I have no doubt he received an excellent education, I’m not sure the cost of private school is justified this time around. Kids need to pursue a field of study that leads to secure, high-paying jobs to tackle the immense debt most incur to go to these schools.

Our middle child is a now a senior at a state school. He’ll get a degree in childhood education and I’m confident he’s gotten good, solid preparation for his career. He’ll also graduate with no debt — something that will, we hope, help him succeed and get off to a good start in life (providing he can find a teaching job!).

Now the clock is ticking for K. Here’s hoping she applies to all the right schools, gets in where she wants, and that together we make the right choice for all the right reasons.

And you and your high school senior do, too!

Life with an open mind, and thumbs out

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I’m afraid we’ve set a bad example for our daughter. One of those “do as I say, not as I do” kind of moments. Problem is, the experience turned into something positive.

My husband and I picked up a pair of hitchhikers when K was in the car with us.

We were on our way to Woodstock (actually the Bethel Woods Center for the Arts, which is on the site of the iconic music festival) to see Bob Dylan. How we got 17-year-old K to come with us to that one is another story entirely, but I digress.

About five minutes into the drive, there they were, two young women standing on the side of the road, huge backpacks sitting next to them, thumbs out. I kept driving.

“We have to go back and pick those girls up,” my husband said almost immediately. I argued, giving the logical reasons why we shouldn’t (first and foremost, I had always been taught never to pick up a hitchhiker!). But their images were burned in my mind. They didn’t look like they were much older than K. And it was hot out. And they had those big backpacks. Surely they were simply on a long journey and not a tag team of young criminals!

So I turned around. Got off at the next exit and circled back.

The girls, Katie and Susie (I don’t know if I’m spelling their names correctly because we didn’t ask) from Chilliwack, British Columbia, near Vancouver, didn’t hesitate to take us up on our offer — especially after we told them where we were going. Just two and four years older than K, they’d left home five weeks prior and had been hitchhiking the whole time. No money in their pockets, relying on providence and the kindness of strangers.

Sitting crowded together in the back seat with K, they told us about their adventures and some of the people who’d given them rides. They talked about how their families felt about what they were doing. They talked about their possessions, and how they’d learned to bring only what they really needed (they’d hitchhiked before).

They talked about spending several days in New York City and how they stayed up all night, afraid to fall asleep in a park, and then slept in the morning. How they volunteered at a homeless shelter and then were able to sleep there for the night. How they ended up at a Yankees game after standing outside the stadium singing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” — making up some of the words because they didn’t know the whole song — until somebody bought them tickets.

They were so in the moment, so interested in people and experiences.

After we arrived at Woodstock my husband tried to show them a map, let them know exactly where they were — their goal was to be in Quebec in a few days to meet up with Katie’s family, who was flying out from B.C. for a family reunion. They smiled and were polite, but weren’t really interested in those details. They’d make it there — they weren’t worried. Right now they were at Woodstock, and that’s all they cared about.

They pulled their backpacks from our trunk, slipped them over their shoulders, scoped out the surroundings, thanked us and walked away. “Should we buy them lawn tickets?” I asked my husband, thinking if he said yes the girls were still within earshot and we could call them back. After all, my mother’s inclination the whole time they’d been in the car was to take care of them — invite them to come back home with us where they’d have a bed to sleep in, could shower and have a good meal, call their families. Then we’d figure out how to help them get to their next destination.

“No” was his answer. They were in their element, in the moment. It was all about the adventure, the challenge, the experience.

I’ll always wonder if they made it into the concert. And whether they made it to the family reunion in time. And where else they ended up and when they made it back home.

I hope K absorbed some of their sense of adventure. I hope they inspired her to think outside the box. To see that life is meant to be experienced on all cylinders.

I just hope she never decides to hitchhike in the process!

Our last ‘first’

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Another school year has begun.

Most of you, like me, probably got a kick out of reading your friends’ posts on Facebook from that “first day.” And many of you, like me, are experiencing your last “firsts” this year, as the baby of our family has now entered her senior year of high school.

I wanted to take her picture, like I did on her first day of kindergarten, smiling and climbing those big steps up into the bus. Today there was no bus (the high school is walking distance), but taking her picture would not have been appreciated — or tolerated. Really, you want a picture? Please!

But she looked so pretty in a new skirt with a great belt and top. Makeup perfectly done, but not overdone; hair newly cut and looking quite fashionable. This little girl whose hair I put in pigtails as a toddler and dressed in adorable little-girl outfits after having two boys before her.

Now it’s time to decide which colleges she’ll be applying to, getting all those essays and forms ready to go. We’ve been through this hectic fall-of-senior-year routine before. But this is the last time we’ll be doing it. Part of me is very, very glad! Another part is very, very sad.

This year is about her, not me. But still, I feel a wee bit selfish. I’ll have to keep myself in check and not get bogged down in all of the “lasts” that I know will come. Because even though those “lasts” might end one phase of her life (and mine), they’re really where her life as her own person begins. Outside of the tiny little community where she’s grown up, sheltered.

That’s a new beginning. And it’s something to look forward to.