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Kid hates parents. Kid posts on Facebook saying so. Dad finds out. Dad records video. Dad empties magazine of .45 caliber hollow points into her laptop.

January 20, 1992: Was this the day Ice Cube didn’t have to use his AK?

In what may be the finest example of forensic hip-hop investigative calculations, some dude figured out the exact date Ice Cube had his famously good day — you know, the one he recorded a hit single about in 1993.

Skateboarder Donovan Strain crunched the numbers over at his blog Murk Avenue. (Just what were the dates when the Lakers beat the SuperSonics after the debut of Yo! MTV Raps but before the album’s release date, anyway?)

Based on the following criteria, this is what he came up with:

The ONLY day where:
Yo MTV Raps was on air
It was a clear and smogless day
Beepers were commercially sold
Lakers beat the SuperSonics
and Ice Cube had no events to attend was…

JANUARY 20 1992

(See all the clues on Murk Avenue)

Amazing.

BELOW: Ice Cube’s “It Was a Good Day,” album version (possibly NSFW)

WATCH Steven Tyler butcher sing the “Star Spangled Banner” at Sunday’s AFC Championship Game.

While not quite a Roseanne Barr-sized screw up, I’m not sure the screeching was really necessary.

ABOVE: The semi-clean version of “Iowa Nice.”

As we all sit and collectively judge Iowa and their perceived backwards ways on the eve of the GOP caucuses, one proud Iowan sets out to redefine the stereotype.

“You think we’re all hillbillies?”

You probably do, and Scott Siepker has a few choice words for you, b—-.

Just a couple of days after the Hall and Oates emergency help line went viral, the Philadelphia comedy group, Bird Text, and elementary school teacher Chip Chantry, released a hilariously awesome video of original Christmas carols parodying classic Hall and Oates cuts.

With songs like King of the Jews! (You Make My Dreams Come True), Silent Night (Private Eyes), and Your Kiss Is On My Christmas List, this might just be one of the best parodies of the Christmas season.

So you have this great idea to dress up as Dr. Harry Beaver, gynecologist for Halloween at work.

Nothing could go wrong, right? Except that you work as a police officer in a public high school in Altamonte Springs, Florida.

Enter Officer Donnie Riggins.

But it gets better, Officer Riggins made this stellar judgement call just weeks after getting on the school’s broadcast network and insinuating that you might run into English teacher Jacqueline Cahill at an underage drinking party, where she just might make sexual advances toward you:

“Let’s say for instance you’re at a party and you’re doing what no teenager ever does, drinking alcohol. And out of the blue, Mrs. Cahill walks up to you. Now don’t ask me why Mrs. Cahill is at a teenage party drinking alcohol but go with it. Mrs. Cahill walks up to you, she starts to give you the dirty eye. All of a sudden she says to you, “Hey Baby.” Now understand something, nothing good ever follows, “Hey baby.” You never heard anyone say, “Hey baby, I just got an A on my algebra test”. But never the less Mrs. Cahill walks up to you , she says to you, “Hey Baby, how’s about giving me a ride home.” Now you know you have been drinking alcohol, but after all, it’s Mrs. Cahill. And you’re saying to yourself, she’s giving me the dirty eyes, she’s licking her chops’ I think I should give her a ride. Now you get behind the wheel of a car and you’re taking a huge risk because we all know of the tragedy that could follow.” (Miami News Times, read more)

There it is kids, never drink and drive….your horny, inebriated English teacher.

Officer Riggins, I hereby promote you to Captain Inappropriate.

P.S. The best part is the internal affairs report (PDF).

Burger King is shaking up their french fry recipe for the first time since 1998 according to Reuters:

Burger King said it made the new fries thicker, reduced sodium and added a coating that makes them crisper and keeps them hotter longer. (Read more)

I’m all for less salt (not really, I love salt), but I’m a little nervous about the “coating,” which just sounds industrial.

In any case, you’ll have to wait until Dec. 5th to taste test the fries which are thicker and a direct response to increasing competition from the likes of In-N-Out,  Wendy’s, Five Guys and perennial consumer favorite, McDonald’s:

The new fries at BURGER KING® offer restaurant guests a high-quality, perfectly balanced product. A thicker cut of potato gives each bite more fluffy, potato flavor on the inside and crispy, golden-brown deliciousness on the outside. The new fries will be available at most BURGER KING® restaurants across North America by December 5th. (Read more at MiamiHerald.com)

(photo Lewis Hine via AP, circa 1908)

Current GOP presidential front runner Newt Gingrich is taking a shot at Social Security, once considered politically invincible.

The former speaker of the House suggests letting younger workers opt their share of Social Security dollars out of the program and invest in the market. Some might consider this risky business. But then again, with risk comes rewards.

Sometimes.

And then he went on to suggest that the laws put in place to protect children do just the opposite:

SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE:

Speaking at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, he challenged laws that prevent children from working certain jobs before their mid-teens. Gingrich blamed “the core policies of protecting unionization and bureaucratization” for “crippling” children.

“It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in, first of all, in child laws, which are truly stupid,” he said.

“I tried for years to have a very simple model,” he continued. “Most of these schools ought to get rid of the unionized janitors, have one master janitor and pay local students to take care of the school. The kids would actually do work, they would have cash, they’d have pride in the schools, they’d begin the process of rising.” (read more)

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