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Author: Mike Moffitt

Fan bets against Pirates for 162 games, gets better return than your 401(k)

So you buy low and sell high, you diversify, you talk to Chuck, you even listen attentively to the E-Trade baby. And still your retirement account is pulling returns like a 5-year CD. There are easier ways to build a portfolio. All you need is a really bad sports team. Take the example of longtime […]
Categories: General

What it looks like to have Tiger Woods hit a ball right at you

Useful shot, that. The photo, we mean. On the final hole of Saturday morning’s fourball at the Ryder Cup, Tiger Woods chips out of the rough and into the face of Daily Mail photographer Mark Pain. Pain snaps this awesome shot before the ball ricochets off his camera into his chest and falls at his […]
Categories: General

Monkey patrols, snake lookouts ease fears at Commonwealth Games

It looks like New Delhi has finally got the kinks out of its much-maligned Commonwealth Games. Since the Games hired a goon squad of langur monkeys to maintain order over bands of smaller monkeys, there have been no reports of simian rampages on tourists or athletes. (Langurs, the jackbooted stormtroopers of the monkey world, are […]
Categories: General

Pardon her French: Politician didn’t mean to say ‘fellatio’

Former French Justice Minister Rachida Dati, often referred to as “Rachida Barbie” because of her lightweight understanding of complicated issues, made a trip of the tongue worthy of Yogi Berra on live TV. Dati, being interviewed Sunday for the French show “Canal Plus,” was responding to a question about overseas investment funds profiteering in an […]
Categories: General

MSNBC is having way too much fun with the Christine O’Donnell witch story

Poor Christine O’Donnell. Right after the rising tea party star’s surprise triumph over the GOP-anointed candidate in the Delaware Senate primary, Bill Maher pulls out a dusty video from the “Politically Incorrect” archives revealing her “satanic” past. Says O’Donnell on the 1999 tape: “I dabbled into witchcraft. I never joined a coven … I hung […]
Categories: General

Lady Gaga wears raw meat bikini, risks E. coli outbreak

What are we to make of Lady Gaga? One day she’s requesting Yves vegan hot dogs in a concert rider, and the next she’s wearing a raggedy dress of butcher trimmings for a magazine cover. On the September cover of Vogue Hommes Japan, the provocative singer dons an ensemble of thinly sliced cuts of presumably […]
Categories: General

Kidnapped kitty turns up 3,000 miles away in NYC

Welcome back, Jack! Jack Daniels, the partially blind black kitten abducted from Maddie’s Adoption Center at the San Francisco SPCA over a year ago, was found Wednesday wandering the streets of Manhattan. New York’s Animal Care and Control confirmed that he was the purloined puss from his microchip. How he got to New York is […]
Categories: General