Author Archive

Schwarzenegger’s mistress: Maria figured it out on her own

by:
Mildred Baena and her son, Joseph.

Mildred Baena and her son, Joseph.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s housekeeper turned mistress has come out of hiding and broken her silence about the affair.

In an Internet preview of an exclusive interview to HELLO! magazine, Mildred Baena revealed that Maria Shriver found out about the affair by herself and that Baena’s son, Joseph, only learned who his father was a year ago.

Baena, 50, said Maria deduced that Joseph was Arnold’s son after hearing “whispers in the household” about the boy’s resemblance to the former governor of California.

“She would say things like, ‘I’m here if you need to talk,’” she told HELLO!. “I sensed something was up. I have so much love and respect for Maria.

“Finally, she asked point blank.

“She was so strong. She cried with me and told me to get off my knees. We held each other and I told her it wasn’t Arnie’s fault, that it takes two.”

And how did Joseph, now 13, take the news the his dad was a Hollywood superstar?

“He exclaimed: ‘Cool!’”

The LeBron e-card: When you care enough to mail it in

by:

It’s time to stop dumping on LeBron James for Miami’s crushing defeat.

Enough is enough, even though he attributed it to divine will in a tweet – “The Greater Man upstairs knows when it’s my time. Right now isn’t my time.”

And yes, even though he chastised those who took pleasure in his failure, telling them “to get back to the real world.”

There must be something that we real-world dwellers can do to put a positive spin on this sad episode.

Perhaps an esteem-building workplace e-card?

Someecards

L.A. fan drops daughter for chance at foul ball (video)

by:

It’s a touching father-daughter moment at Dodger Stadium.

Dad holds up daughter to watch as foul ball sails into the stands.

Dad, realizing ball is coming straight at him, drops daughter.

OUCH! HEY DAD!

As Kruk would say, should have brought your glove, Meat.

Some people simply refuse to believe Croatian boy is magnetic

by:

A day in the life of Ivan Stoiljkovic, 6 years old, often includes having relatives throw coins at his chest or stick frying pans to his stomach.

Ivan, you see, claims to be a “human magnet,” and his family in Koprivnica, Croatia, is fond of using him as a utensil rack.

Spoons, forks, knives, nonstick frying pans – even an iron – stick to his bare chest like gauze to Velcro. The family also says that the boy has healing powers and his touch gives off heat.

Shockingly, not everyone believes in Ivan’s Magneto powers, despite reports by CBS News, Fox News and Britain’s Daily Telegraph that are devoid of even a hint of skepticism.

Naysayer James Randi, whose James Randi Educational Foundation works to expose paranormal and pseudoscientific frauds, suggests that instead of magnetized, Ivan might just be sweaty. He notes that some of the things that stick on the boy – aluminum pans, copper and silver coins, for example – aren’t magnetic.

Also, he’s never shown attracting objects through his shirt.

Some of Ivan’s countrymen are also dubious. They have begun the Facebook page We are all Magneto Boy/Girl with photos showing metallic objects sticking to ordinary mortals. One person posted, “Sticky ‘magnetic’ child baffles Guardian, no journalist thinks of trying a compass.”

If Randi is right, it won’t take anything as exotic as kryptonite to strip Ivan of his superpowers.

Just some soap and water, and a dusting of talcum powder.

The end-of-the-world FAQ sheet

by:

As you probably already know, a worldwide earthquake will strike at 6 p.m. Saturday, May 21, alerting the human race that Judgment Day has begun. Or so says Family Radio president Harold Camping.

Camping is very certain that the Rapture will occur.

“There’s nothing in the Bible that holds a candle to the amount of information to this tremendous truth of the end of the world,” he told New York Magazine. “I would be absolutely in rebellion against God if I thought anything other than it is absolutely going to happen without any question.”

Not everyone is as informed about Judgment Day as Camping, of course. With that in mind, here are a few answers to frequently asked questions about the End of Days:

Q: Who gets to ascend to heaven?
A: Those who accept Christ as the messiah. Even Jews are invited, says Camping, but only if they accept Christ – which would seem to make them no longer Jewish.

Q: How many will be Raptured?
A: Campbell estimates 200 million. The remaining nearly 7 billion face a grisly fate – crushed in the quake, burned by sulfur, turned into pillars of salt, etc.

May 21 Rapture

Harold Camping disciple Julie Baker preaches doom in New York.

Q: Why May 21?
A: Camping calculates May 21 is exactly 7,000 years from the date of the Noah’s Ark flood. In his book “Time Has an End,” Camping writes. “The year 391 B.C. is the year when the Old Testament was finished, and 2,011 + 391 – 1 = 2,401, or 7 x 7 x 7 x 7.” There you have it.

Q: Any other reason?
A: Yes. Gay Pride and same-sex marriage. Camping says God will punish America and the rest of the world for Gay Pride and same-sex marriages, just as Sodom and Gomorrah were punished with fire and brimstone in the Old Testament.

Q: Will the Earth end on May 21?
A: No. The Earth will stick around for a few more months of “chaos and awful suffering” before being obliterated Oct. 21.

Q: Didn’t Camping predict the end of the world would take place in September 1994?
A: Yes, but the book in which he made the prediction was titled “1994?”. The question mark makes all the difference.

Q: Will the Rapture happen sooner in Australia, like New Year’s celebrations?

A: Yes. May 21st begins first on Kiritimati Island, a Pacific Ocean atoll, so presumably the earthquake would strike there first.

Q: If I’m Raptured, what will happen to my pets?
A: Probably nothing good. However, a business called Eternal Earthbound Pets run by “confirmed atheists” offers to save pets left behind and ensure their care in 26 states. It lists a fee of $135 for a single pet ($20 each for additional pets), but has raised rates due to “increased activity associated with the May 21, 2011 Rapture.” Pets are limited to dogs, cats, birds rabbits and small caged mammals in most states. Four states can accommodate horses, camels, llamas and donkeys.

Q: Are exploding watermelons in China a sign?
A: Yes.

A Conversation With Harold Camping, Prophesier of Judgment Day New York Magazine

Rapture bumper sticker

Four days to go.

Mystery deaths plague Thai hotel

by:

Did a three-star Thai hotel inadvertently kill six of its guests while trying to poison bed bugs?

Between January and March, six people suffering from virtually the same medical symptoms died after staying at the Downtown Inn in Chiang Mai or using its facilities.

Authorities maintain the deaths are just a coincidence.

But an investigation by New Zealand’s “60 Minutes” news program discovered high levels of the pesticide chlorpyrifos, a chemical used to kill bed bugs, in the hotel room where New Zealand backpacker Sarah Carter, 23, died in February. Reporters pretending to be guests took samples from the room.

The UK Daily Mail reported that Thai police recently raided the company in charge of eradicating insects at the hotel.

“I think (Carter) has been killed by an overzealous sprayer who has been acting on the instructions of the hotel owner to deal with the bed bugs,” United Nations chemical expert Dr. Ron McDowall told the Daily Mail.

McDowall said the symptoms experienced by Carter were consistent with chlorpyrifos poisoning, which causes headache, nausea, dizziness, muscle twitching, weakness, increased sweating and salivation, unconsciousness and convulsions.

He explained that it’s difficult to confirm poisoning from blood samples because chlorpyrifos is quickly absorbed by the body – “it only has a half-life of a day or so.”

The symptoms shown by all six victims – severe chest pain, vomiting and fainting – are often associated with food or water poisoning. Indeed, police initially dismissed the deaths as food poisoning from eating toxic seaweed.

Shortly after Carter’s death, a retired British couple, George Everitt, 78, and his wife, Eileen, 73, were found dead in their room. They had eaten seaweed at a street food booth, but another guest had a different meal there and also got sick. She recovered.

The death of Bill Mah of Edmonton – found in his hotel room in January – was attributed to “suspected natural causes.”

A young Frenchwoman and a Thai visitor also died at the hotel between January and March.

A report that a Berkeley woman died after staying at the hotel was incorrect. Mariam Soraya Vorster, 33, did suffer the same symptoms before she died while visiting Chiang Mai in January, but she was staying at a guesthouse in the city. Her husband blames the food she ate – sushi and seaweed.

The Downtown Inn remains open, with rooms starting at $41 a night.

‘Bed bug pesticide poisoning’ killed Californian woman and six other tourists in Thailand (UK Daily Mail)

Downtown Inn in Chiang Mai

The Downtown Inn in Chiang Mai

How comics, pundits tweeted Osama’s death

by:

A sampling of Osama bin Laden tweets by comics, pundits, writers and others:

@toddlevin Todd Levin

Bin Laden was killed in a mansion?!? Must Be nice.

@GhostOsama Osama Bin Laden

Well this sucks…I accidentally enabled location on my tweets.

@KeithOlbermann Keith Olbermann

Note Fox News has switched to “Usama Bin Laden” presumably so they don’t get caught calling him “Obama Bin Laden” for a 2nd time tonight

@KeithOlbermann Keith Olbermann

BTW all time highest-degree of difficulty #SportsCenter segue attempt: from “Bin Laden Dead” to “Highly anticipated Heat-Celtics Game 1″

@AnnCoulter Ann Coulter

Due to cutbacks Osama, only 58 virgins available… we’re sorry for any inconvenience.

@toddbarry Todd Barry

Not sure I should watch Bin Laden coverage on @CNN, or just wake up and read 900 page article in @nytimes

@ChrisKattan Chris Kattan

Does this mean I can get all my shampoo bottles and box cutters back from TSA?

@SteveMartinToGo Steve Martin

Slow news day.

@charliesheen Charlie Sheen

Dead or Alive. WE PREFER DEAD! Well done SEAL team! AMERICA: #WINNING that’s how we roll…. c

@JohnStamos John Stamos

“I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.” ~Mark Twain

@JenKirkman Jen Kirkman

If I was Obama’s speechwriter I would have begged him to say, “Mission ACTUALLY accomplished.”

@AndyKindler Andy Kindler

When I first saw the cheering crowds outside the White House, I thought Celebrity Apprentice had been canceled.

@RealGilbert Gilbert Gottfried

I refuse to say anything that might seem insensitive about #Osama Bin Laden’s death so let me say my thoughts & prayers are with Al-Qaeda

@ConanOBrien Conan O’Brien

Yesterday, we took care of one maniac with a beard. Today, Will Ferrell will take care of another. #Beardpocalypse

@robdelaney Rob Delaney

This is a wonderful 9th birthday present for my “terror sex” baby, Trevor.

@toddbarry Todd Barry

What’s the best version of the “Trump asking for Bin Laden death certificate” joke you’ve seen so far?

@JenKirkman Jen Kirkman

Remember when McCain in the 2008 election said, “Folks, I know how to catch Bin Laden….” He must have just told Obama today.

@toddlevin Todd Levin

FOX News: Bin Laden’s death “The fulfillment of George W Bush’s solemn promise to America.”

@jimmykimmel Jimmy Kimmel

I really hope bin laden didn’t get reincarnated as one of Mariah Carey’s babies.

@jdharm J.D. Harmeyer

Leave it to the people who run Mike Tyson’s app to put Bin Laden’s death in perspective. yfrog.com/gy5xvivoj

@real_jackbauer Jack Bauer

You’re welcome, America.

Here comes the tornado straight at me – but I’m OK (video)

by:

The world’s most unflappable man talks on a cell phone as he videotapes a tornado barreling down on him.

“Oh, half a mile … I’d say it’s coming straight toward me.

“Yeah but it’s not one of those … devastation, terrible …

“Yup, there goes a flash. It’s blowing up some power lines now …

“Yup, there goes the roof off a house …

“Looks like roofing blew off a building and got me. I mean, I’m OK. Don’t worry for me.”

One cool customer indeed.

tornado passes by a man in a car on his cell… (YouTube)