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(Warning: “very adult” language used)

Move over, Stephen Colbert.

The Associated Press and TMZ are reporting that comedienne and self-proclaimed “domestic goddess” Roseanne Barr has filed documents to run for president.

Apparently, she thinks that only a woman can solve this nation’s problems. Check out the above video from her website.

Barr, who starred in the classic sitcom Roseanne and in her 2011 reality-TV show, Roseanne’s Nuts, plans to run under the banner of the Green Party.

Barr says she’s sick of Democrats and Republicans, whom she believes are not working in the best interests of the American people.

So what, you ask, is Roseanne pushing? The answer is simple … pot. She wants marijuana legalized and sold strictly domestically.

If you’re not taking her seriously, apparently a Green Party official does. Tom Yager posted on her website: “I am pleased to inform you that Roseanne Barr is officially recognized by the Green Party of the United States, Presidential Campaign Support Committee, as a Green Party Presidential Candidate.”

The star in a statement to AP that she’s a longtime supporter of the party and looks forward to working with people who share her values.

“The Democrats and Republicans have proven that they are servants — bought and paid for by the 1% — who are not doing what’s in the best interest of the American people,” Barr said.

Barr has started a grassroots campaign for support through her Twitter account and website. On her website, she writes:

I’m tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world.

Remember what happened when she sang the national anthem? We’re guessing her campaign will suffer the same fate. But the way the race for president seems to be going, just about anything is possible.

Warning: The following video might contain hockey-like content. For that reason, Budweiser will be showing its heartstring-tugging “Flash Fans” ad on Super Bowl Sunday in Canada only.

But that’s too bad, because this is the only good “flash mob” ad ever made. If you’ve ever played rec sports, can you imagine if a massive crowd and announcers showed up? Yikes.

Gisele might have the clout to get Tom some divine intervention. (Evan Agostini/AP)

As if two-time Super Bowl MVP Tom Brady didn’t have enough luck already, his supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen is petitioning for him to get a little more help … from the man upstairs.

In an email obtained by the New York Post, Gisele asked friends and family for some positive vibes in advance of Sunday’s Super Bowl (grammatical errors and complete disregard for capitalization are hers):

My sweet friends and family,

This sunday will be a really important day in my husband’s life. He and his team worked so hard to get to this point and now they need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl.

So I kindly ask all of you to join me on this positive chain and pray for him, so he can feel confident, healthy and strong. Envision him happy and fulfilled experiencing with his team a victory this sunday.

Thank you for your love and support. Love, G

According to The Post, Gisele also said she felt “Tommy really needs our prayer, our support and love at this time.”

Giants defensive linemen Osi Umenyiora and Jason Pierre-Paul certainly hope to prove her right on that point.

There are some people saying Mitt Romney’s statement that he’s “not concerned about the very poor” has been taken out of context and does not represent his campaign overall.

The Daily Show host Jon Stewart is not one of those people.

Stewart ridiculed Romney on last night’s show for dismissing the very rich and the very poor as groups he doesn’t worry about since they are already taken care of (the poor with a net of social programs). Romney defended himself by saying he was trying to emphasize his focus on the middle class.

“You know, the reason the net is there is that they are not OK,” Stewart said. “It’s like a doctor going, ‘I’m not concerned about the very healthy, because they’re doing fine or the very sick because, you know, morphine.’”

New survey reveals what your phone might say about your sex life. (Getty Images)

Guys and girls with Android phones tend to get it on earlier in a relationship, while BlackBerry users are more reserved, according to a survey of Match.com users in Canada that seems to confirm some stereotypes about the various smartphones.

Consumerist summed up the results, initially reported by the Toronto Star:

They found that 62% of Android users said they’ve had sex on the first date, whereas 57% of iPhone users said the same, and only 48% of those with a BlackBerry.

Not only are Androiders more likely to go home with you on that first date, 55% said they’re likely to have one-night stands in general and be more active overall on dating website —72% of them have visited one, and only 58% of iPhoners and 50% of BlackBerryites have done the same. We are noticing a trend.

But if you want someone to woo you in the cubicles at work, 25% of single iPhone people have had an office romance in the last five years. They’re also going to call you after only one day after a date, whereas Android and BlackBerry owners will hold out for two or three dates before checking in.

Their findings on sexual lives of smartphone users adds to the continual debate over which device is best and what your cell phone really says about you.

A judge is baffled over John Goodman's recent adoption of Heather Laruso Hutchins, now 42. The couple is shown at a 2009 Houston society event. (Dave Rossman/Chronicle file)

By Mike Tolson, Houston Chronicle

In the strangest wrinkle yet in a legal drama that pits the state of Florida and a car crash victim against a polo-obsessed Houston millionaire, the girlfriend of John Goodman is now his daughter.

The move may impact a suit filed against Goodman in a fatal crash. He was charged with vehicular homicide in Florida.

The heir to an air-conditioning fortune, Goodman, 48, has legally adopted 42-year-old Heather Laruso Hutchins, whom he has been dating since 2009. The adoption, which took place in October 2011 but was not publicly disclosed until Tuesday, potentially allows Hutchins to control a third of the assets of a trust fund he set up for his two other children.

A Florida judge called the action “surreal” and a step into a “legal twilight zone” in a recent related ruling. The purpose of the adoption, however, is likely rooted in practical financial matters. Because of her age, Hutchins can avoid the legal stipulation that does not allow beneficiaries to take from the fund until they are 35.

Lawsuit, criminal case

Whether the move could have any effect on a civil trial brought by the parents of Scott Wilson, killed in a collision with Goodman’s Bentley in February 2010, is uncertain. An engineering graduate, Wilson was 23 when Goodman allegedly ran a stop sign and knocked Wilson’s car into a drainage ditch. He drowned.

Wilson’s parents filed a wrongful death suit against Goodman that is set for trial in late March. The state has charged Goodman with vehicular homicide, claiming that Goodman had a blood alcohol content more than twice the legal limit when he allegedly ran a stop sign and ran into Wilson.

That trial, too, is scheduled for March. Goodman, also charged with driving under the influence manslaughter and leaving the scene of an accident, faces up to 30 years in prison.

Florida Circuit Judge Glenn Kelley ruled in October 2011 that the civil jury should not be told of the trust fund, saying it might encourage jurors to impose a larger financial penalty than they would otherwise, even though Goodman has no access to the irrevocable trust.

Wilson

A jury award inflated by awareness of the trust might end up bankrupting Goodman, the judge ruled, and that would violate Florida law. Lawyers for Lili and William Wilson have appealed that ruling.

How the adoption might affect the exposure of Goodman’s assets to a potential jury award is unclear, as the trust money already is off limits. It’s also a matter of speculation whether a future probate court will recognize Hutchins as a legitimate trust beneficiary.

Kelley said that for the purposes of the civil trial, he will recognize the adoption as legitimate. One effect that seems apparent is that Goodman has the potential to achieve some immediate benefit of the money set aside for his children. The trust reportedly requires disbursement of 70 percent of the sum to which the beneficiary is entitled once they turn 35.

“By way of this adoption, John Goodman now effectively owns one third of the trust assets,” William Wilsons’ attorney, Scott Smith, told the Palm Beach Post. “It cannot go unrecognized that he chose to adopt his 42-year-old adult girlfriend as opposed to a needy child.”

Investment stability

Dan Bachi, Goodman’s civil attorney, told the Post the odd maneuver was undertaken to assure the stability of investments.

Goodman's Bentley after the crash (Palm Beach Post file)

“It has nothing to do with the lawsuit currently pending against him,” Bachi said.

Kelley called the adoption “unprecedented,” though legal experts have cited cases of adult adoption, most done for reasons pertaining to inheritance and estate planning.

Goodman’s wealth came courtesy of his father. Harold V. Goodman founded the Goodman Manufacturing Co. and pioneered the use of flexible ductwork, later becoming a major manufacturer of air-conditioning systems.

John Goodman worked for the company after gaining a marketing degree, but business interested him less than polo.

Over the last two decades he has been one of polo’s largest American benefactors.

Actor Avery Brooks who starred as Capt. Benjamin Sisko in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine was arrested and charged with DUI in Wilton.

Brooks, 63 and a New Jersey resident, was driving in Connecticut Sunday when police received a complaint about his driving. He was arrested around 10 p.m.

It's not clear if Avery has a lawyer. He's due in court on Feb. 9.

In addition to his role on Star Trek, Brooks was featured in Spenser: For Hire, Roots: The Gift and American History: X. The actor also has a notable career as a singer.

Police didn’t say if it was Synthehol or Romulan Ale they suspected Brooks of drinking. One thing for sure, Brooks wasn’t ‘Trill’-ed to see the police that night. Maybe he should have beamed home instead.

Star Trek!

Jamie Oliver

McDonald’s recently confirmed it will no long use scrap meat treated with ammonium hydroxide to make hamburgers and chicken sandwiches, and all of the United Kingdom is claiming victory.

OK, maybe not all of the UK — just the Daily Mail and so-called Naked Chef Jamie Oliver.

“After years of trying to break America, Jamie Oliver has finally made his mark by persuading one of the biggest U.S fast food chains in the world to change their burger recipe,” the Daily Mail reported this week.

Oliver brought attention to McDonald’s treated meat on this TV show “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution.” Since then, a photo of pink goo has been making the rounds on social networking sites. The goo appears to be McDonald’s ice cream — but it’s later revealed to be processed meat.

But McDonald’s says their decision to stop using treated meat has nothing to do with Oliver. The company released this statement:

At the beginning of 2011, we made a decision to discontinue the use of ammonia-treated beef in our hamburgers. This product has been out of our supply chain since August of last year. This decision was a result of our efforts to align our global standards for how we source beef around the world.

Here’s what Oliver said on his show, when he first detailed the USDA-approved process of making ground beef.

More about ammonium hydroxide from MSNBC:

Besides being used as a household cleaner and in fertilizers, the compound releases flammable vapors, and with the addition of certain acids, it can be turned into ammonium nitrate, a common component in homemade bombs. It’s also widely used in the food industry as an anti-microbial agent in meats and as a leavener in bread and cake products. It’s regulated by the U.S. Agriculture Department, which classifies it as “generally recognized as safe.”

Contact Amy Rolph at amyrolph@seattlepi.com or on Twitter as @amyrolph and @bigblog.