Archive for February, 2012

Study: Freaking out at your kids isn’t a good thing

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Moms who freak out are more likely to have toddlers who freak out. (Shutterstock / olly)

You’re at the dinner table and your 3-year-old knocks over his glass. A lake of milk spreads across the table, some of it trickling down into your lap.

What do you do? Scream and scold! It has been a long day and you’re tired.

Your fit of rage throws your tot into a full-blown temper tantrum.

According to a new study this isn’t the best way to react. Researchers found that parents who overreact to their kids’ mishaps are more likely to have toddlers who act out too, according to Science Daily.

What if you work hard to control your anger and your toddler still tantrums? Interestingly, the scientists found that there might be a genetic component to problem behavior and even if you raise a toddler in a calm environment, he might still have a fiery personality if he’s genetically programmed to be that way.

The findings are important because they begin to explore how both home environment and genetics play a role in a child’s temperament.

In the study, researchers from Oregon State University, Oregon Social Learning Center followed 361 adoptive families in 10 states, collecting genetic data from birth parents as well as the children.

They checked in with the children at nine, 18 and 27 months of age, and, according to Science Daily, found that the children of over-reactive adoptive parents exhibited “negative emotionality” and “had more temper tantrums than normal for their age.”

Researchers also discovered a genetic component. Children who were at genetic risk of negative emotionality from their birth moms were more likely to tantrum even if they were raised in a peaceful, less-reactive environment. “It wasn’t a huge effect,” lead author Shannon Lipscomb, an assistant professor of human development and family sciences at OSU-Cascades, told SFGate. “But in some cases a positive, supportive environment can help protect kids from a genetic risk and that wasn’t entirely the case in our study.”

What’s more, the study showed that those kids who exhibited more emotional struggles as they developed from infants to toddlers had the most behavioral problems at age 2.

“This really sets our study apart,” Lipscomb told Science Daily. “Researchers have looked at this aspect of emotionality as something fairly stable, but we have been able to show that although most kids test limits and increase in negative emotionality as they approach toddler age, the amount they increase can affect how many problem behaviors they exhibit as 2-year-olds.”

So what are parents to do? “The takeaway is to keep your calm and cool when kids are misbehaving and testing boundaries,” Lipscomb told SFGate. “Even with kids who are genetically predisposed to negative emotionality, parenting plays an important role. Parents need to help kids learn to manage their emotions.”

The study appears in the new edition of the journal Development and Psychopathology.

The best children’s books ever

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Scholastic put ‘Charlotte’s Web’ and 99 others on its list of great books for kids.

Charlotte’s Web or Goodnight Moon? Which one is the greatest children’s book of all time?

A team of literacy experts, mom bloggers and book editors agonized over this question when creating a list of the 100 great books for kids, released this month by Scholastic’s Parent & Child Magazine.

Nick Friedman, editor-in-chief of the magazine, told USA Today that the toughest choice was deciding on a book for that number-one spot.

The prize ultimately went to…drum roll…E.B. White’s classic about a pig named Wilbur who becomes famous with the help of a clever spider and a compassionate farm girl. Margaret Wise Brown’s beloved 1947 bedtime story fell into the number-two slot.

Madeleine L’Engle’s Newbery-winning fantasy favorite A Wrinkle in Time came in third, and A Snowy Day, Ezra Jack Keats’ pioneering 1962 portrayal of an African-American child, in fourth.

Shocked? Outraged? Do you entirely disagree?

Friedman says the list is meant to spark discourse—and spur book lovers to talk about the most memorable literature from their childhoods (so please share your favorites in the comments).

The list is actually a brilliant collection of books for kids of all ages, featuring everything from the simplest board books (remember Pat the Bunny?) to award-winning chapter books, both old and new, from The Secret Garden to Bridge to Terabithia to Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. Suzanne Collins’ best seller The Hunger Games is one of the newest titles that made the cut.

The choices are also diverse, touching on a wide array of cultures. There’s Dear Juno, the lovely story of a boy whose grandmother speaks Korean, a language he doesn’t know, and so he draws her a message. And Where the Mountain Meets the Moon, the Chinese folk-inspired tale of a girl who’s determined to change her family’s fortune.

The top-100 list is a great resource for parents to find reading material for their kids, and it’s also fun to browse if you were one of those children who always had your nose in a book. (How many books on the list have you read?)

But as you look through the choices, it’s hard to not notice that many favorites are missing. Where’s Little House on the Prairie? My daughter has read that at least 10 times—we drove two hours out of our way once so we could step inside the “little house in the big woods.” And what about my son’s favorite picture book Miss Nelson Is Missing? And my daughter’s favorite Miss Rumphius? And how could they forget The Wizard of Oz?

And you might not agree with all the rankings. C.S. Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe at number 43 after Diary of a Wimpy Kid—huh?

Now it’s your turn to be the judge and look over the list. Here are the top 30 books and for the full rundown of 100, visit the Scholastic website. Please share your favorite children’s books in the comments and we’ll put together an SFGate list.

(Note: Scholastic publishes both books and magazines, but the judges were specifically instructed to not be partial to the publisher and only 14 Scholastic titles made it on the final list.)

Teens post ‘Am I ugly?’ videos on YouTube

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Heartbreaking trend: Young girls are asking YouTube users to comment on their looks. (Shutterstock / Skazka Grez)

A growing number of tweens and teens, mainly girls, are posting videos on YouTube asking commenters if they’re ugly, according to Jezebel.

Type ‘Am I ugly?’ or ‘Am I pretty’ into the YouTube search box and dozens of videos pop up, including one of an 11-year-old girl who poses for the camera, twirling her shoulders, smiling big, and pulling her long hair out of a pony tail.

“Hi guys,” she says. “I was doing a video because I’m bored and stuff. Do you guys think I’m pretty?”

“If you think I’m pretty comment down there,” she adds, pointing to the bottom of the screen. “I really don’t care but I just want you guys’s opinion.”

It’s heartbreaking to watch these young vulnerable kids share their most personal insecurities. One skinny 12-year-old girl says in a video, “I think I’m ugly and fat…so I just want to know what you think.”

And while some commenters tell the girls that they’re beautiful, many call them ugly and use lewd language. The cavalier meanness is heartbreaking.

“All black people look the same,” one commenter says to an African American girl who posts an “Am I ugly?” video.

“Just the fact that u did this video makes u ugly. But u were ugly already,” a viewer writes to a 14-year-old girl.

YouTube is the last place these kids should be going to for a confidence boost; the site is bound to make them only feel worse. A 12-year-old isn’t mature enough to deal with vicious remarks made by their mean-spirited peers and sick-minded Internet trolls, hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet. Adolescence is dark and savage and when teenagers put themselves up on the Internet it only magnifies the experience.

I only wish the online video site more closely monitored kids’ use. The site says it doesn’t allow kids under age 13 to upload videos so then why is there a video of an 11-year-old girl asking the world if she’s ugly? Where are this girl’s parents? Something is wrong with this picture.

Study: Cell phones make people selfish

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People become self-absorbed when they’re on their cell phones. (Shutterstock / Ljupco Smokovski)

A new study reveals that people get selfish when they’re on their cell phones.

Anyone with a cell phone-addicted spouse—who sits on the couch texting while you wash dishes—isn’t surprised by this news.

But this study didn’t look at everyday situations. Rather researchers at University of Maryland’s Robert H. Smith School of Business wanted to find out how cell phone use affected “pro-social behavior”—action intended to benefit another person or society as a whole.

In the study, college students, both men and women, were asked how likely they were to volunteer for a community service activity. Students who had just been on their phones were less likely to volunteer compared to those who hadn’t used their cells recently.

In a second experiment students were invited to solve a word problem and were told that if they came up with an answer, money would be donated to a charity. Those who were asked right after they’d been on their phones were significantly less motivated to solve the problem compared to those who hadn’t been on their cells.

Marketing professors Anastasiya Pocheptsova and Rosellina Ferraro concluded in their paper The Effect of Mobile Phone Use on Prosocial Behavior: “The cellphone directly evokes feelings of connectivity to others, thereby fulfilling the basic human need to belong. This results in reducing one’s desire to connect with others or to engage in empathic and prosocial behavior.” No wonder nobody is giving money to those poor people standing on the street with clipboards, asking for money to save the rain forests. We all walk by because we’re engaged with our phones!

This is a small study that hasn’t even been peer-reviewed but I think it begins to get at a major problem with cell phones: People become self-absorbed when they use them. I’d love to see a study looking at how people act selfishly while on their phones—stealing parking spaces, cutting in line at Starbucks, running other drivers out of their lanes—in everyday life. I’ve too often seen people fail to pick up their dogs’ droppings and parents neglect their kids because they’re gabbing on their phones. (I know that I’ve been guilty of it with my own children.) Cell phones are addictive and when you hear the bell call, it’s hard to ignore—even if you’re at the park playing with your kids.

The other weekend my husband and I found ourselves in an unusual situation without the kids for a couple hours. We both needed to work but squeezed in a walk to spend some quality alone time together.

About five minutes into our stroll, his iPhone beeped. He pulled out his phone and responded to the text…and then he sent another text and another and another. Fifteen minutes later he was still fully absorbed in his phone—and acting as if I didn’t even exist.

I was annoyed and told him. He made me feel like a nag for complaining. The texts were related to work, he told me.

“Can’t you give me 30 minutes of your time on a Saturday afternoon?” I said.

And then his phone beeped again…

That’s when I should have asked, “Are you interested in volunteering at the kids’ school this weekend?”

The Maryland study indicates that he probably would have said no.

Teacher makes students write letters to jailed boyfriend with kiddie-porn charge

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Holiday cards for a felon? (Shutterstock)

A Queens elementary school teacher might be losing her job for having her students make handmade holiday cards for her boyfriend who is spending time in jail, according to the New York Post.

Fifth-grade teacher Melissa Dean told her students that she’d be sending the letters to lonely people suffering from illnesses. Instead around Christmas she mailed them to John Coccarelli, who’s an inmate at the high-security Groveland Correctional Facility near Rochester, N.Y.

Coccarelli initially got into trouble with the law for possession of a floppy disc filled with sexually explicit images of young children. Those charges were dropped in plea bargains and he was actually convicted for possession of a loaded Ruger semiautomatic pistol and violating a restraining order against his ex-wife in May 2010.

No matter, these kids shouldn’t have been writing to this man—especially because the teacher invited the children to include their names and addresses on the cards so the recipient could reply. Ewww!

The school’s chancellor Dennis Walcott told the Post, “It’s something that’s totally unacceptable. I heard about it and I can’t say . . . what I said to myself, because I just find it mind-boggling.’’

‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ moms get beauty pageant makeover

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Before and after: ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ moms get a pageant-style makeover. (AndersonCooper)

The overzealous beauty pageant moms of TLC’s controversial Toddlers and Tiaras are known for dressing their daughters in shockingly provocative costumes that make national news headlines. Remember when a T&T mother put her daughter in a Julia Roberts-style Pretty Woman prostitute outfit, complete with thigh-high black patent leather boots?

Daytime talk show host Anderson Cooper decided to turn the tables and give the moms a taste of their own medicine. Cooper and his team dressed the moms in adult-size versions of their daughters’ favorite competition costumes. They even went as far to have the young girls appear on stage in their matching outfits on stage, taking the idea of “mommy and me’ outfits to a new extreme.

After the moms modeled their outrageous outfits and had a chance to walk in their daughters’ shoes heels, Anderson asked the women if they felt differently about entering their children in pageants.

June, the mother who infamously fed her daughter Alanna ‘Go-Go Juice,’ responded: “I don’t rethink any decision that I’ve made for my daughter as far as pageants. This was all in fun for us today, yeah, the corset is a little tight. With her, she enjoys doing it, so we are going to continue doing it.”

Too bad she didn’t see the light and realize it’s inappropriate to dress little girls in revealing outfits. While Anderson might have gone into this showing thinking he could talk some sense into these ladies, he seems to be only fueling the fire.

The show officially airs tomorrow, February 17, but Anderson gave us a sneak peak of the show with these photos.

Anti-Planned Parenthood video isn’t a joke

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Watch the video below and you might assume it’s a Saturday Night Live skit—well, it’s not. The uptight man in the purple shirt is dead serious about what he’s saying.

This anti-Planned Parenthood propaganda was created by the American Life League, the largest pro-life organization in the United States that opposes abortion under any circumstance, contraception, and embryonic stem cell research.

The video was created to show that Planned Parenthood is a “perverted” organization, turning America’s children into sex addicts through community events featuring penis-shaped balloons, vagina macaroons, vulva puppet shows, and giant vagina costumes. And then there’s all the masturbation literature, graphic images of naked boys and girls, and online descriptions of sexual organs. Planned Parenthood would tell you they offer these materials to educate youth and encourage safe sex but Michael Hichborn, media director of the American Life League, says, “They’re selling pornography to kids as science.” No matter, this video is quite an impressive collection of lewdness.

Preschooler’s turkey sandwich deemed unhealthy, given chicken nuggets instead

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What’s healthier: turkey sandwich or chicken nuggets? (Shutterstock)

A North Carolina mother is upset because her preschooler’s homemade turkey sandwich was deemed unhealthy by school officials. Her daughter ate three chicken nuggets instead. Huh?

Turns out the little girl attends a state school and her turkey and cheese sandwich, banana, potato chips, and apple juice did not meet U.S. Department of Agriculture guidelines, according to the Carolina Journal.

“The Division of Child Development and Early Education at the Department of Health and Human Services requires all lunches served in pre-kindergarten programs — including in-home day care centers — to meet USDA guidelines,” the Journal reports. “That means lunches must consist of one serving of meat, one serving of milk, one serving of grain, and two servings of fruit or vegetables…”

Even lunches brought from home must meet this requirement and if they don’t, the childcare provider must give the student additional food.

In the case of this little girl, her packed lunch was supplemented with the school lunch that included chicken nuggets—and she ended up eating only three chicken nuggets that day. What’s more, the preschooler returned home with a note telling her parents that they owed $1.25 to pay for school lunch.

“She came home with her whole sandwich I had packed, because she chose to eat the nuggets on the lunch tray, because they put it in front of her,” the mother, who asked to remain unnamed, told the Journal. “You’re telling a 4-year-old. ‘oh. your lunch isn’t right,’ and she’s thinking there’s something wrong with her food.”

The Journal reached out to the school district and it sounds like the situation might have been a big mistake. State officials were doing inspections that day and the girl’s lunch was probably pulled due to the potato chips.

“With a turkey sandwich, that covers your protein, your grain, and if it had cheese on it, that’s the dairy,” Jani Kozlowski, the fiscal and statutory policy manager for the division, told the Journal. “It sounds like the lunch itself would’ve met all of the standard.”

Mistake or not, this story highlights the USDA’s restrictive rules around school lunches. Where I live in San Francisco, many parents complain about their children’s public school lunches. The hot entrees are assembled at a kitchen in Illinois by Preferred Meal Systems and then put on trucks headed for California. Kids often don’t eat their food and a lot of it ends up in the trash. I’ve heard many parents say, “Why can’t schools just give kids a turkey sandwich and an apple?” The problem is that this wouldn’t meet the USDA guidelines.

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