Sandy Hook Elementary School father Neil Heslin, whose six-year-old son Jesse Lewis was one of the 20 child victims in the mass slaying on Dec. 14, said he would have preferred the 911 emergency tapes be kept private, but now that they have become public he prays they will not be used to exploit the tragedy he lives with each and everyday.
Headed into New York City on Wednesday, Heslin said he intends to read the transcripts on the ride. He assumes he will eventually listen to the tapes, though he does not expect they will reveal any more than he already knows from conversations with state police investigators.
“It’s something I kind of wish could have been kept private,” Heslin said. “My biggest concern and worry is that I don’t want to see any of it exploited. To me, it opens up a wound over and over again, a wound that hasn’t been closed. Even when the reports came out, and even though I was familiar with what it contained, just to see it in a report telling the whole story across the board was upsetting. It’s shocking. But, there’s not a lot you can do about it.
With the anniversary just a little over a week away, Heslin said he hopes that with the release of the report and the tapes, and the demolition of the school, that there will be a chance for families to get a break from the constant onslaught of news about the crime.
“It’s been chaotic and a lot of turmoil with what happened, and through all the politics of it, with gun issues and mental health, and even down to the funds and donations and the process with the state’s attorney investigation and police, everyone has been unsettled. A lot of that now has fallen into place, and I’m hoping that after the beginning of the year things will calm to what a normal will be,” Heslin said.
As for the actual anniversary, Heslin said he does not want the tragedy to spark more political wrangling. He simply wants a time to reflect and remember all the lost loved ones. He intends to participate in the national rememberance vigil scheduled in Washington, D.C. On Dec. 14, he plans to participate in a charity event in New York City.
“It gets me out of dodge for the day,” Heslin said.
Thinking about how best to honor his son, Heslin said he found himself sleepless the other night as he remembered Jesse’ excitement for Christmas last year.
“He said it was going to be the best Christmas ever,” Heslin recalled.
Heslin was a bit hesitant, because just a year earlier Jesse’ grandmother died: Dec. 14, 2011. Yet he said he assured his son Christmas would be special because “you’re what makes it happen for me.”
Then came the unimaginable on Dec. 14, 2012.
Yet Heslin said he discovered what he thought impossible.
“Even though I didn’t have Jesse, so it was the worst Christmas ever possible, the other hand was it was the only Christmas I can honestly say that I saw the true meaning of Christmas; the way people reached out to help and the compassion, the gifts of kindness. I realized he (Jesse) was right. It was going to be the best Christmas ever.
“So we’ll see where this year goes.”