Old School, New School

They both love sports. And that's about all they agree on…

Exiled

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Robby & Matt @ Dolphins game Dec. 2008In Robby’s most recent post, he lamented that for Sunday’s Jets-Dolphins game (notice he refers to it as a Dolphins-Jets game), he and his brother Matt will be exiled to the playroom to watch, while Greg and I remain in the comfort of the den. At first blush, this type of quarantine might seem harsh.

Allow me to explain.

First I want to tell you about the way Greg and I watch a Jets-Dolphins game if Robby and Matt are in the room with us. Let’s say the rejuvenated LaDainian Tomlinson breaks one for a 67-yard TD. Greg and I would cheer, fist-bump . . . and then settle down. We wouldn’t gloat because a.) we’re gentlemen, and b.) if we did, someone would have to call the men in white coats carrying strait jackets for Robby and Matt. Now if something unfortunate happened for the Jets — let’s say Mark Sanchez throws a pick to Dolphins DB Vontae Davis, Greg and I would exchange disheartened looks — and then move on and wait for Gang Green to regain possession.

In other words, we watch the game like civilized human beings.

Now let’s look at Robby and Matt. (Btw, that’s the two of them, top right, at a Dolphins-49ers game in Miami in 2008.) Let’s say a Dolphin makes a great play, one that involves a noticeable Jets screw-up — maybe a Cameron Wake sack resulting in a Sanchez fumble. There’s Matt jumping up and down on the green couch — literally bouncing so high that his head is almost hitting the ceiling beams — shouting JETS SUCK! at the top of his lungs. There’s Robby parading around the den, pumping his fist, pronouncing Sanchez by far the worst QB in NFL history, and the Jets the stupidest team ever for wasting a first-round draft pick on him.

If something bad happens for the Fins — say Ricky Williams fumbles in the red zone — Matt will yell “F_ _ _!” and then stomp out of the den, slamming the door behind him. And Robby? Robby will throw a pillow full force at the TV, struggle to breathe as if he’s having a stroke, bury his face in the couch, and then announce that Williams (at one time his favorite player, after whom his beloved beagle is named) should be cut — or better yet, just taken out and shot.

So yes, on Sunday Greg and I will watching in the den, and Robby and Matt will be in their padded cell — the playroom.

Let the game begin . . .

-Hank

Categories: General
Hank Herman