Happy 2013, everyone!
While I’ll be celebrating New Year’s Day with my annual open house (you’re invited), our elected officials are nursing a case of fiscal-cliff hangover.
Here are some New Year’s Resolutions for the powerful and dysfunctional:
President Obama: Invite the other children over to your house more often.
John Boehner: Smoke more. Worry less.
Harry Reid: Pass a budget. Heck, pass anything!
Hillary Clinton: Rest up.
Joe Biden: Rest up.
Mitt Romney: Look for a job.
Rick Perry: Decide which job to look for.
John Kerry: Practice your French.
Ashley Judd: Buy a comfortable pair of running shoes.
Mitch McConnell: Watch all of Ashley Judd’s movies.
Marco Rubio: Buy a good road map of Iowa.
Chris Christie: Buy a good road map of New Hampshire.
Paul Ryan: Buy a good road map of South Carolina.
Jan Brewer: Buy a good road map of Arizona.
Joaquin Castro: Practice the phrase, “no, that’s my brother.”
Julian Castro: Practice the phrase, “no, I’m not a congressman.”
Mark Sanford: Hike the Appalachian Trail again. No, really.
Jenny Sanford: Make sure Mark never gets elected to anything ever again.
Jim DeMint: Make a million dollars.
Dick Armey: Make eight million dollars.
Connie Mack and Mary Bono Mack: Spend more time with the family.
George H.W. Bush: Get well soon! (From all of us.)