Snide Remarks in Sotto Voce

Recently I went to Stew Leonard’s in Norwalk, grabbed a shopping cart, and headed in through the bakery, which is right as you walk in. Everyone gets funneled through the bakery. It was crowded but not crazy.

Imagine my dismay when I discovered they were out of bialys! I pulled my shopping cart over, got out my cell phone and dialed my daughter to inquire what tasty treat would compensate her for this disappointment.

At which point a tall, burly, dandruffy, overfed man walked straight into me. I felt like I had been assaulted. He didn’t blink, turn, apologize, or acknowledge it in any way. His eyes were hostile slits, his face impassive.

I told my daughter to “hang on” and said to the man, “You just walked straight into me.” He said “Get off your cell phone!” And then, as he swerved off, he muttered “pay attention to what you’re doing!”

I wanted to protest but I was too flabbergasted. I wasn’t aware that cell phones in supermarkets were a social faux pas. I wasn’t aware that if you happened to use your cell phone in a supermarket large burly men had every right to smash into you.  I wasn’t even aware that I was in anyone’s way. In fact, being a properly-trained former New Yorker City dweller, I know very well to pull over when you pause, to stand aside to let the people off the train/elevator before attempting to get on, how to wait in line, and etc. There was plenty of room to pass me by without physical contact, if one is accustomed to exercising patience, kindness, and self-control.

It seemed that he was punishing me for the cell phone usage, and for my lack of awareness of . . . of him, I guess. My crime:  I wasn’t operating at the absolute apex of alertness. (I’m imagining a Ninja in Stew Leonard’s, are you?)

Now, I may offend some people here, but I suspect that this may have been a case of testosterone overload. Any Excuse to Harass Others — sort of like you see on the Interstate when the Right Lane Heroes feel like they can cut you off if you aren’t driving at the peak of your sensory faculties — a peak most people would need steroid injections to achieve. A peak that a mom with children in the car will never achieve, because she will always be more aware of their safety than the precise milimeter per second of vehicle to road to other vehicle functionality.

Or perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps cell phones in supermarkets are an egregious imposition on our fellow man. I do think they’re unacceptable on the Interstate — because people’s lives could be endangered. But, until now, I thought it was safe to use my cell phone in a store.

What do you think?

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