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The operative word in raising healthy children in this often-times unhealthy digital world they are growing up in is balance. A nutritional analogy works well here. A balanced nutritional diet doesn’t mean 50 percent healthy food and 50 percent junk food. Rather, a balanced diet involves ensuring that your children get adequate nutrition from all of the major food groups while allowing them periodic treats.

The same holds true for your children’s diet of technology. You first need to make sure that your children get the proper “nutrition” they need in their lives, meaning offering them a psychological, emotional, intellectual, social, physical, and spiritual “diet” that will fuel their vigorous development, in addition to fostering healthy self-identity, values, thinking, relationships, and life.

Once this “nourishment” is in place and your children are growing strong mentally and physically, you can then introduce other “foods,” namely, technology, that may or may not be healthy. Many aspects of technology, whether searching the Internet for information or maintaining relationships through social media, can be healthy for your children in their own right. Plus, they need to learn these skills to successfully navigate the digital world in which they will live. At the same time, there is a lot of technology “junk food” out there as well, such as violent video games, twitter, and merchandise-related web sites. Also, too much of even a good thing, in other words, using technology past the point that it “nourishes” your children, will obviously do them harm. Your children should be allowed to enjoy media that you deem appropriate and not particularly unhealthy in reasonable portions based on your values and interests.

To raise children who are physically and mentally healthy, you must do several things. First, lack of information and misinformation are two of the most significant obstacles to your making the best “dietary” decisions about technology for your children. You have to learn which aspects of technology have nutritional value and which are the equivalent of candy, snacks, and soda. You must educate yourself about how technology influences your children’s physical and mental health, both positively and negatively. Given the ready access of information through the Internet, there are no excuses for being ill-informed.

Second, just as you hopefully set limits on how much candy and other sweets they eat, you need to set appropriate limits on both the content and quantity of technology your children “ingest.” In all of my blog posts on this topic, I share with you both the latest research and my own perspectives on how “nutritious” might be defined to help you judge what reasonable limits are for your children.

You must then add to this decision-making calculus by considering your own family’s values, interests, and habits. In this step of the process, you need to weigh those values, interests, and habits against what the research and experts say about the nutritional value of technology. If these two parts of the equation conflict, you may decide to make some changes to the diet of technology that your family has. What you deem healthy use of technology will be the result of your completing this equation and your solution to this equation will hopefully provide you with a clear picture of what is healthy and what is not for your children.

Third, recognizing that your children will be exposed to technology, just as they are to junk food, no matter what limits you set for them, you must educate your children about its influence. When they’re confronted with the many forms of technology, they will be able to set their own reasonable limits and only partake in technology that they judge to be healthy.

Fourth, because actions speak louder than words when it comes to parenting, perhaps the best way to encourage a balanced diet of technology and foster physical and mental health in your children is to have a healthy diet of technology yourself. It is a familiar sight these days to see many parents who are watching too much television, playing too many video games, and using their smartphone too much, akin to eating too many sweets. If your technology diet balanced, your children are more likely to have a healthy diet of technology as well.

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Whether we like it or not, the Internet, social media, and all of the related technology are here to stay. As evidenced every day in so many ways, this new technological landscape brings many wonderful benefits to our family’s lives and relationships. At the same time, as with any new innovations, this impact has a dark side.

Though the study of the effects of social media on children is still relatively new, there is a growing body of evidence demonstrating what I will call the bad, the ugly, and the good (because I prefer to conclude this post on a positive note). I will describe some recent findings that are worth considering as you increasingly expose your children to different types of technology.

The Bad: Facebook Depression

There’s no doubt that Facebook is one of the most powerful forms of media for communication today. More than a billion users chat, share photos, and keep their friends and family up to date on their lives regularly. Yet, there is a dark side to its use, along with other forms of social media, that has been labeled Facebook Depression, though this phenomenon also includes anxiety, other psychiatric disorders, and a range of unhealthy behaviors.

Perhaps the most comprehensive study to date found that Facebook overuse among teens was significantly correlated with narcissism. Among young adults, Facebook overuse was also associated with Histrionic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and Sadistic, Passive-Aggressive, Borderline, Paranoid, and Somatoform Personality Disorders. This study also explored the strength of Facebook use as a predictor of these psychiatric disorders and found that, even when demographics, such as age, gender, median income, ethnicity, and education were controlled, Facebook use was one of the three strongest predictors.

An analysis of 15 studies found that increased media exposure, including television, movies, video games, and the Internet, was associated with violent behavior and isolation. It reported that children who watched violent shows were not only more likely to be more aggressive, but also to have fewer friends and to be more secluded socially. The researchers concluded that children who are aggressive will have fewer friends and be more likely to be bullies (because they are more aggressive) or victims of bullying (because they are isolated).

Another study of adolescent girls found that the more they used texting, instant messaging and other social media to discuss their problems, particularly romantic difficulties, the more depressive symptoms they presented. The researchers argued that the ease and frequency that technology affords children to communicate allows them to “co-ruminate,” that is, dwell on their problems without providing any solutions.

The Ugly: Internet Addiction

Addiction was the most widely used descriptor of the one-day moratorium on technology in the research I just described in a recent post. Internet addiction is commonly characterized as excessive use of the Internet that interferes with daily functioning and that can lead to distress or harm.

A review of research from the past decade has found that adolescents who demonstrated Internet addiction scored higher for obsessive–compulsive behavior, depression, generalized and social anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, introversion, and other maladaptive behaviors. This research also revealed a interesting pattern of parental involvement. Those youth who were judged to have an Internet addiction rated their parents as lacking in love and nurturance, being over-invested, unresponsive, angry, and severe disciplinarians.

There is considerable debate within the mental-health field about whether dependence on technology is a true addiction, like alcohol, drugs, or gambling. In fact, the American Psychiatric Association, which produces the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (think shrinks’ bible), decided not to include Internet Addiction in their latest revision. Some experts in the field argue that the unhealthy dependence on technology may be a symptom of some more fundamental pathology, such as depression or anxiety, and that so-called Internet addicts use technology to self-medicate and relieve their symptoms. Plus, unlike alcohol and drugs, Internet use doesn’t cause any direct physiological or psychological harm.

Despite this uncertainty in the psychological community, the students in the survey I wrote about in my last post made it clear that they believe Internet addiction is very real. It certainly passes the “duck test” (if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s probably a duck). Not only did the students miss the functions that the technology offered, for example, texting, surfing the Web, and listening to music, but they actually craved the devices themselves. Said a English student, “Media is my drug; without it I was lost. I am an addict. How could I survive 24 hours without it?” Added an American student, “After experiencing this dreadful 24-hours, I realized that our obsession with media is almost scary. I could not even begin to imagine the world if it was media-free.”

So what specifically does Internet use provide to people such that it gets to the point of unhealthy behavior often associated with addiction? One study examined the types of gratification that people gain from the Internet and found that four specific forms of gratification were, cumulatively, most predictive of the tendency toward Internet addiction: virtual community (feeling connected to a group), monetary compensation (money they earned through various Web-based activities), diversion (distraction from their lives), and personal status (the feeling of individual standing they gained from Internet use). These types of gratification are normal for children, yet there is something about the Internet that morphs them into unhealthy needs that appear to become addicting.

This so-called addiction appears to go deeper than just psychological dependence. There is emerging evidence indicating that, for example, our interaction with technology produces the same neurochemical reaction—a burst of dopamine—as that found with alcohol, drug, sex, and gambling addictions. Persistent exposure to technology-related cues, such as the vibration from a smartphone announcing the arrival of a new text message or the ping of an incoming tweet, can cause people to get caught in a vicious cycle of dopamine stimulation and deprivation. Moreover, the brevity of technology, for example, 140-character text messages, lends itself to this vicious cycle because the information received isn’t completely satisfying, so people are driven to seek out more information for their next shot of dopamine. Imagine your children growing up with this relationship with technology and the strength of its grip on them if they are allowed ungoverned and unguided use of technology.

The Good: Social Media Can Help

Certainly, the research I’ve just described doesn’t paint a very rosy picture of the influence of technology on children. It’s not all bad though. Studies have shown that more time spent with social media is related to increased “virtual empathy,” meaning that expressed through technology, and “real-world empathy” (considered a related, but separate factor). The best predictor of virtual empathy was the time spent on Facebook and the use of instant messaging. More of both forms of empathy means more social support, always a good thing for children.

Social media can also help those young people who experience shyness or social anxiety. Introverted young people can gain comfort and confidence in social interactions in several ways. Shy children can use social media to overcome what is perhaps their most difficult challenge, namely, initiating new relationships, in a low-risk environment. They can avoid awkwardness that is endemic to making friends by allowing them to gain familiarity with others and build friendships online. Introverted children can also practice social skills with the relative distance and safety afforded by social media.

Technology may improve family relationships and encourage feelings of connectedness. First, technology can be used as a point of entry into children’s lives and create opportunities for sharing. Second, they enable families to have quality time and pursue activities of shared interest.

Social media can have educational benefits for children as well. They are learning practical skills that are necessary for success in today’s wired world. Specifically, children are learning how to use and become proficient with technology, developing their creative abilities, appreciating new and different perspectives, and enhancing their communication skills.

One study indicated that prosocial video games encourages helping behavior. The researchers found that young people were more likely to help others after playing a prosocial as compared to a neutral video game. In a related study, they observed that a similar effect when given the opportunity to protect a stranger who was being harassed.

Technology may even help children to better cope with stress in their lives. Technology can potentially mitigate stress is a number of ways. First, technology provides children with more outlets through which to express their feelings of stress, thus allowing a cathartic effect. Second, social media can provide children with social support which can act as a buffer against stressors. Technology, including Facebook postings and instant messaging, enables children to receive more, immediate, and diverse support from a wider range of people. Third, technology can allow children to find useful information that may help them to reduce their stress. Finally, technology may act as a distraction and a means of distancing children from the stressors, providing a respite from the stress and giving them the time and perspective to deal with the stress more effectively.

What Does This All Mean?

As I have often argued, technology is neither good nor bad, but, at the same time, it isn’t neutral either. The impact that technology has on your children depends not on the technology itself, but rather on how you educate them about it and the experiences they have with it. It is your responsibility to become informed about the potential benefits and costs of this new digital age and then make deliberate decisions about the type and quantity of technology you expose your children to.

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Your children’s physical health is the foundation for everything they become and do. As corporeal beings, they, like the rest of humanity, are at the mercy of the fitness of their bodies to handle the ordinary challenges and extraordinary demands that are placed on them during childhood and beyond.

You are responsible for ensuring that your children treat their bodies like temples rather than garbage dumps so they continue to function properly for their lifetimes. This means sufficient sleep, a balanced diet, and regular exercise. Unfortunately, Big Media is not only not helping you accomplish this goal, but it’s actually a lot to interfere with your efforts.

Children now spend, on average, more than seven-and-a-half hours a day of free time interacting with technology. That doesn’t even include screen time devoted to school! What do you think children did with that substantial amount of time before this new technology came to dominate their lives? Before the advent of electricity, children worked a lot and played a little, mostly outdoors. Then, with the invention of television, much time has been spent in front of the “boob tube.” With few alternatives, children by default went outside and engaged in physical activity, for example, they ran around, played tag or kick the can, climbed the monkey bars, or rode their bikes. Plus, schools provided daily physical education classes that contributed further to a reasonable level of fitness. Unfortunately, many parents these days are so afraid of letting their children play outside unsupervised that they basically place them under house arrest and force them to stay inside.

And when they are locked up inside, what are they going to most often turn to for entertainment? Well, media, of course, for example, play video games (okay, Wii provides some exercise, but, according to research, isn’t nearly the equal of real physical activity), surf the Internet, and engage in social media. Also, physical education classes are few or nonexistent today due to misguided priorities and budgetary cuts. The result? One-third of American children are overweight or obese and 70 percent of them will become obese adults.

The essential question to ask is: What role does the explosion of media in the last decade play in what many consider to be a public health crisis? A growing body of evidence suggests that the answer to this question is: A significant role. For example, one study found that, among children, pre-teens, and teens, total daily media use was predictive of poor physical health. For pre-teens, daily video game playing was also a predictor. For teens, daily video game playing and daily hours online were also predictive. Importantly, this research controlled for demographics (e.g., age, ethnicity, socioeconomic status) and eating and exercise habits, thus strengthening the argument that technology alone was a significant contributor to poor health among young people.

Research has demonstrated that the more time that children spend in front of a screen (including television and video games), the more they ask for unhealthy food and drinks. The reason why is pretty obvious. The torrent of advertising directed at children and teenagers is comprised primarily of fast food, sugary cereal, candy, and highly processed snack foods (72 percent of all ads aimed at them, in fact), all significant contributors to the epidemic of obesity that has consumed (pun intended) our country.  And, due to what the researchers call the “nag factor,” parents often give in and give their children the junk food they crave.

The Internet has created cross-promotional opportunities that have only strengthened this influence. Children are now exposed to junk food advertising not only on television and in print, but also in social media, product placement on television and in video games, movies, smartphone and tablet apps, and ads that are disguised as online games and web sites.

Children have no chance against this tsunami of unhealthy messages that drowns them in a torrent of poor eating, cavities, sugar addiction, and obesity. Additionally, while your children are immersed in media, for example, sitting on the sofa watching TV, playing video games, or surfing the web, they are incurring significant opportunity costs in the form of being sedentary instead of physically active.

The influence of technology may also extend to unhealthy and potentially dangerous habits. One study reported that teens who use Facebook and other social media have significantly higher rates of smoking, alcohol consumption, and marijuana use, and are more likely to have sex at an earlier age. The researchers suggest that widespread and persistent exposure to images depicting these behaviors make them more acceptable and may cause teenagers to feel left out if they don’t engage in them. However, it should be noted that this study was only able to establish a connection between television watching and sexual behavior, but wasn’t able to prove that young people seeing these images actually causes this increase in high-risk behavior.

What or who can prevent your children from heading down a road of poor physical health? One word: parents. We certainly aren’t going to get the purveyors of junk food, candy, sugary drinks, and processed foods to change their ways because their products harm children. Profits, for them, obviously trumps concern for children. The only chance your children have is that you are on their side and take active steps to ensure that they grow up healthy.

You can’t just play defense in your efforts to ensure that technology doesn’t interfere with your children’s healthy development. Instead, you need to proactively create opportunities that will encourage your children’s physical health in spite of the digital world they live in, for example, turn off the TV, disconnect the Internet, and spend time outside.

You should also recognize that, in your efforts to ensure your children’s physical health, you aren’t just fulfilling their immediate physical requirements for a healthy childhood. Just as importantly, you’re setting your children on a health-affirming road in which healthy living will become their defaults for years to come. Is there any more precious gift you could give your children than their physical health? I don’t think so. And that is a gift that will keep on giving throughout their lives.