Ruby Red Stilettos

Victory tastes sweet. Especially when it’s a postseason Pinstripe win.  

Last night was the second game of the American League Division Series (ALDS). I’d fallen asleep somewhere in the 9th inning, but jumped up when I heard the crack of the ball against Mark Teixeira’s bat at the bottom of the 11th. Tex hit a walk-off homer down the left field line, breaking the 3-3 tie and driving the Yanks to victory over the Minnesota Twins. To help kick off the celebration, pitcher AJ Burnett served Tex a pie…in the face. (Watch the whole moment here!)

This morning, it’s my turn to serve you a pie recipe that’s too good to slam in someone’s face. Even if that person happens to be a Red Sox fan. 

Blitzed Banana-Coconut Pie (in honor of Mark Teixeira):

• 1/2 cup coconut milk
• 2 cups shredded coconut
• 4 mashed bananas
• 1 shot coconut rum (leave out the booze if serving to kiddies, of course!)
• 3 tbsp. maple syrup
• 1/4 cup cold apple juice
• 1 tsp. pure vanilla extract

Blend all ingredients with hand mixer, pour into almond pie crust (see recipe below) and sprinkle with extra shredded coconut and sliced bananas. Pop into the fridge for a few hours, then serve!

Pie crust:

• 2 cups almonds, walnuts or pecans, finely ground in the food processor (about 1 1/2 cups prepackaged almond meal…any nut meal will do)
• 1/4 cup pitted dates
• About 4 tsp. melted margarine (the kind without hydrogenated oils)
• 1 tbsp. cold water

Mix ingredients together in food processor and press into oven-safe pie plate with your fingers. Bake at 350° for about 9-12 minutes (depending on how hot your oven gets) until crust is golden brown.

One bite of this pie and you’ll be soaring higher than a typical Teixeira ball.

Two words: SEE YA!

“Dangerous,” “Off the Wall” and “Smooth Criminal.” They’re not just Michael Jackson songs. They’re the first words you’ll shout when you taste my dark chocolate-coconut gelato (which, by the way, is dairy-free).  One spoon of this homemade creamy-dreamy dessert and you’ll think you’ve committed a bad, bad crime. You might even moonwalk across the kitchen floor.

Dark Chocolate Coconut “Gelato” (Approximate servings: 4)

• 1 can unsweetened coconut milk
• 3 packets stevia or 1/4 cup agave nectar
• 3 teaspoons unsweetened dark chocolate cocoa powder
• 1 teaspoon cinnamon (optional, but works so well with the cocoa powder)
• 1/2 teaspoon xanthan gum (an optional thickening agent you can find in the organic section of your local supermarket)
• 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

With a hand-blender or food processor, whip ingredients together until smooth and thick, almost like a custard. Your three options are: a) put it in fridge for about 30 minutes and serve like chocolate pudding, or b) take it to the next level and pop it in the freezer until semi-hard (about 25-30 minutes). Scoop and serve in tiny cappuccino cups (even shot glasses will do). This stuff is extremely rich, so this is a perfect serving size (about 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup per person)! Garnish with a sprinkle of cinnamon, or a single star anise (a pretty, licorice flavored spice in the shape of an asterisk).

This dessert is perfect for a girl’s night in, and although coconut milk is high in fat (8 grams and 80 calories per 2 tablespoons), it’s somewhat healthy because it contains lots of vitamins, minerals and electrolytes. Besides, we’re all entitled to splurge once in a while. One option is to serve just a dollop over fresh strawberries or banana slices. Yum, yum, yum.

NOW who’s bad?!

“The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.” ~Henry Miller

There’s nothing more intoxicating than the scents and hues of an autumn afternoon. But many people don’t take time to notice fall…until the trees are bare and the leaves are crunchy, brown and packed in lawn bags ready for the trash.

If you’ve got a few minutes today–even if it’s on your lunch hour, try to take a walk outside. If you’re lucky enough to have the day off, don’t waste every second doing laundry and scrubbing the bathtub. Instead, soak up a little bit of life, will you? Set aside at least thirty minutes to go outside for some exercise and fresh air, observing as many details as you can. Pay attention to the scenery and try to reflect on what you saw. This way, when the day gets busy and people start barking requests, you don’t have to stress; you just close your eyes, breathe deeply and remember the red and yellow splotched leaves strewn across the lawns, the brisk wind that sends pungent pine cones tumbling through the streets, or that sweet, spicy aroma of mulled cider bubbling on someone’s stovetop.

Today, I remember the brown pears that had fallen from my neighbor’s pear tree, only to be smashed and splattered by tires. A trail of pulverized pears isn’t exactly something you’d think of as beautiful, but the fruity scent that lingered in the air left me…how should I say it? Happy. 

Here’s my autumn art project for you (I am in no way a kindergarten teacher, but I do give you permission to act like a kid and get creative): Got an empty wine bottle? Don’t throw it away. Now that you’ve finished the vino, you can drink in the splendor of this beautiful season by bottling up some of the scenery: broken pine cones, colorful leaves, acorns and even a few fall spices you’ve got in your cupboard: cloves, all spice, cinnamon sticks, star anise, etc. Anything that makes you smile and reminds you of fall is perfect to put inside your bottle, jar or jug. Try this activity to help fill any void you may experience due to lack of a job, money, significant other or anything else that makes you feel sad, anxious or empty. 

I used to be in constant work mode. I panicked and freaked out over everything. But now, when I start to go slightly batty from sitting in front of my computer screen (we all have our moments), I take just a step back and go outside to chill.

Sometimes, my waterfall to-do lists and messages on my blinking BlackBerry just have to wait.

Ever have one of those days where everything seems to fall apart…your life? Your relationships? Your bakeware?

A few weeks ago, while I napped on my couch, I woke to a thud-crash in the kitchen. No one was there. Nothing had fallen. I panicked. I was certain a burglar or rabid animal had somehow taken a tumble inside my oven. Armed with my heat-proof glove, I crept toward the stove and opened the door, expecting something other than my pork tenderloin to attack me. I imagined how I’d retell this saga on on one of those bizarre, late-night reality shows. You know, the ones intended for insomniacs whose minds brim with Snapple facts and urban legends. 

I peeked inside. There it was: my late great-grandmother’s (Mama Ev’s) old baking dish, cracked in half like the San Andreas Fault and splayed on the bottom rack. I don’t know how it happened; all I know is that it was enough to make poor Mama Ev turn in her grave. I pulled out the balsamic pork tenderloin just before it could fall through the shards. I lucked out. Or should I say, I was smart enough to wrap it in aluminum foil beforehand.

I couldn’t save the pan, but I did save the recipe for you. The aluminum foil not only prevented it from splattering all over my oven, but it also made the pork and vegetables so savory; so succulent. Make this meal, enjoy it, and keep yourself together if your dish falls apart.

Balsamic Rosemary Pork Tenderloin (Serves 4)

Ingredients:

• 1 pork tenderloin
• 2 onions, sliced
• 1 cup baby carrots
• 3 celery stalks, chopped roughly
• 1 cup balsamic vinegar
• fresh rosemary
• extra virgin olive oil
• salt and pepper 

What to do:

1. Preheat oven to 375°
2. Season your pork tenderloin with salt and pepper on all sides. This will help give it a tasty crust. 
3. In a shallow frying pan over medium-high heat, sear the tenderloin in 1 tablespoon of olive oil until it’s golden brown on all sides. 
4. Remove the pork and set it aside to rest.
5. Add another tablespoon of olive oil, then add your onions, carrots, celery and rosemary.
6. When veggies start to cook down and stick to the pan, pour in the balsamic vinegar.
7. Lower heat to a simmer. Allow the veggies to soften and the balsamic to thicken.
8. Line a glass baking dish with two semi-long sheets of aluminum foil and fold the sides of the foil upward to make a pouch. 
9. Carefully and slowly pour the balsamic vinegar reduction and vegetables into the foil pouch and nestle the pork tenderloin in between so it absorbs the juices. Wrap the sides of the foil over the top, leaving a slight gap so steam can escape. 
10. Bake for 45 minutes per pound (e.g. if your pork tenderloin weighs two pounds, bake for about 90 minutes). Not sure if it’s done? Stick a meat thermometer in the center (or the thickest part). When it reaches 145° Fahrenheit, it’s ready. Wait a few minutes before slicing into the meat, though. You don’t want the juices to flow out; you’ll end up with parched pork.

For every piece of trash life throws at us, we’ll find at least one treasure. Mama Ev’s baking dish may be useless, but this superb supper and oh-so-strange kitchen saga are two sure-fire dinner party hits. 

If we stay calm amid chaos and find the funny in our misfortunes, we just might survive.