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Recently, I had the tremendous honor to welcome former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani to Newtown as part of the Symposium of Hope: Recovery and Resilience after the Sandy Hook Tragedy, hosted by United Way of Western Connecticut and Western Connecticut State University.

Mayor Giuliani was incredibly generous with his time and wisdom. He met privately with first responders–including police, state troopers, firemen and ambulance crew–and separately with victims’ families. Later, he delivered the keynote address at a dinner in Danbury for educators, first responders, mental health professionals, local government officials, clergy, community leaders and others who have been on the front lines of responding to the tragic shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School.

United Way of Western Connecticut Board Chair Jim Schmotter of Western Connecticut State University and United Way of Western Connecticut CEO Kim Morgan with Mayor Giuliani

Drawing on his experience leading New York in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, Mayor Giuliani talked in very personal terms about moving forward after experiencing unspeakable tragedy. There was much to take in and reflect upon, but a few points stood out for me that I would like to share with you.

Speaking of the memory of the traumatic event, he said that over time, “you find a place to put it.” It doesn’t mean the pain goes away or that you forget, but rather you learn to carry the memories with you in a way that allows you to go forward in life, shaped, but not overwhelmed, by pain and darkness.

Moving forward is important, he said, because there are others relying on you. A spouse, children, co-workers. If you get stuck in grief then you won’t be able to help others whom you love and who need you to be strong.

But perhaps Mayor Giuliani’s most poignant point was illustrated with the story of a family struggling to find its way after suffering several deaths a mere months apart.

The story begins shortly before 9/11. He was at a meeting with the family of a fireman who had died. In the span of eight months, this fireman’s mother had lost her father, her husband and now her son.

Besides being grief-stricken, the family was torn: in one week, her daughter was supposed to be married. Half of the family wanted to postpone the wedding and the other half wanted it to take place as scheduled. After some time listening to the family argue back and forth, the family matriarch abruptly ended the discussion. That’s enough, she said. “Not only are we going to have the wedding, but it is going to be bigger and better than ever,” she said.

Curious, Mayor Giuliani asked her what made up her mind. She told him that her decision was influenced by something her parents had told her as a young girl. Namely, that life will have its moments of great joy as well as its moments of tragedy and despair. So when you have a wonderful moment, such as a wedding, you have to embrace it and enjoy it to the fullest. Otherwise, the dark moments will take over.

Shortly thereafter, Mayor Giuliani was asked by the family if he was available to walk the bride down the aisle since her grandfather, father and eldest brother were all deceased.

“I said, ‘I don’t know what I have planned that day but whatever it is, it’s cancelled.’”

Then a mere five days before the big day, disaster struck: the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Initially, everyone assumed that the Mayor would have to excuse himself from the wedding. As one of his staff was about to leave the room and inform the family, the Mayor said, “Wait a minute.”

He remembered what the family matriarch had told him about making the most of life’s wonderful moments. And on her wedding day, Mayor Giuliani walked the bride down the aisle.

*****

I want to thank Mayor Giuliani, his staff and everyone involved in the Symposium of Hope, including our panelists, expert advisers and donors, for their incredible contributions, support and words of wisdom and comfort.

We know the long road ahead will be challenging and the United Way of Western Connecticut is committed to continuing this important community dialogue, which is so critical to the healing process, in the months and years ahead.

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The principal of Columbine High School, Frank DeAngelis, has been in a number of car accidents over the last 13 years – many having occurred around the time of year the tragic shooting took place at his school in 1999 – so he tries to avoid driving during those weeks each year.

Nearly 14 years later, he still receives phone calls from former students, and occasionally some of their spouses, who still struggle with the memories of what happened on that terrible day.

Speaking at a symposium hosted by the United Way of Western Connecticut and Western Connecticut State University last week, DeAngelis said that for those affected by the tragic events of 12/14, moving forward is a marathon not a sprint.

Statistics confirm this. Unfortunately, Sandy Hook is not the first community to experience a school shooting or traumatic loss. By now the names are familiar: Virginia Tech, Aurora, the Sikh Temple, Tuscon, an Amish schoolhouse and, of course, Columbine and 9/11.

The goal of the symposium was to connect our community with others who have experienced mass trauma, and hear their experiences. They came not to tell us what to do, but to share what we may anticipate and to prepare us, learning from their mistakes and their successes. Among those who served on the panels were DeAngelis, Mary Fetchet, Founding Director of VOICES of September 11th, Dr. Jamie Howard of the Child Mind Institute, Melissa Brymer of Terrorism & Disaster Programs Center for Child Traumatic Stress, UCLA, Bill Keegan from Heart 9/11, and others equally qualified to shed light on our path forward.
Although there are significant differences among each of these tragedies, there is much we can learn from them.

According to the National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), 77 percent of children who directly witnessed a sniper shooting on their school’s playground had moderate to severe PTSD symptoms and 67 percent of those in the school building at the time also developed moderate or severe symptoms.

A Canadian study found that the rate of PTSD following a shooting at Dawson College in 2006 was actually smaller than the increases in alcohol and drug abuse and major depressive disorder.

We also know that the closer a person is to the tragic event, literally, the greater the risk they face. Past trauma also plays a significant role in how a person will respond in the wake of 12/14.

The numbers are great of whom we know were significantly impacted by the events on 12/14, most obviously the victims’ families. But there are also two surviving teachers; 12 surviving children from the classrooms the shooter attacked; first responders which came from every surrounding town and the state; and hundreds of teachers, staff and students in the school that day. A whole community is impacted, with relatives, friends and colleagues stretching across the region and the country.

Indeed, we know that some of these people have not been able to return to work or have reached the limits of insurance coverage for mental health counseling.

The good news is that there are pro-active therapies that can help and there are resources available to meet many of the community’s needs for years to come. A shift needs to begin, from crisis reaction to prevention. We do not want to be sharing our war stories with the next traumatized community. If the right course of prevention and care is implemented, it is my hope that we will be the community that shares what worked; that we didn’t experience all the dire warnings of suicide attempts, increased child abuse, depression, divorce and substance abuse. While 12/14 created horror, let’s have Newtown and its surrounding communities meet this unspeakable tragedy with hope, compassion, and preventive care that will help limit further heartbreak.

Rudolph Giuliani, Mayor of New York City during one of the most horrible terrorist acts in our nation’s history, spoke to families, first responders, teachers and community leaders at a private reception hosted by United Way last week. One of the points he made as he was describing his own long-term challenge was this: “It isn’t all just about you,” he said. “It’s about your wife, and your husband; your children and your grandchildren, and your neighbors – and you have an obligation to start moving in a positive path – so you can help them to start moving in a positive path.”

What better way to honor the brave teachers and administrators who gave their lives to save others than to promise to help and support those that they saved for as long as they need us?

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On February 24 at Daytona International Speedway, two-time Daytona 500 champion, Nascar team owner and television analyst, Michael Waltrip, drove the No. 26 in honor of the 26 school staff and children killed at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in December.

A delegation from Newtown, including the Sandy Hook Fire Chief, Bill Halstead, the CEO of United Way of Western Connecticut, Kim Morgan, and a number of community residents affected by the tragedy, were at the racetrack to show their appreciation and cheer on Waltrip.

Nascar also hosted a viewing party at McGuire’s sports bar in Newtown for those unable to make the trip to Daytona.

In the wake of the tragedy, local business owners, Hans and Sally Reelick, owners of Hollandia Nurseries, reached out to their friend, Nascar President Mike Helton, for support.

Nascar’s response was extraordinary.

Swan racing owner Brandon Davis donated the car and Waltrip came out of retirement to drive, while Nascar Chairman and CEO, Brian France and his wife personally contributed $50,000 to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund; a matching donation was made by the Nascar Foundation.

The No. 26 was adorned with large decals on both sides of the car inviting Nascar fans to make a $10 Text to Give donation to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund. Since the Daytona race, Text to Give donations have gone up by $15,000.

United Way of Western Connecticut would like to express its sincere gratitude and appreciation to everyone who made this extraordinary day possible!

Link to the story on Nascar’s website: http://www.nascar.com/en_us/news-media/articles/2013/02/14/nascar-newton-connecticut-tragedy-donation-support.html

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I continue to be amazed at the tremendous outpouring of support for our community following the tragedy in Sandy Hook. On January 28, Broadway stars turned out en masse at the Palace Theater in Waterbury for an amazing night of entertainment and healing.

From Broadway with Love: A Concert to Benefit Sandy Hook was the brainchild of Broadway producer Van Dean. Many of Broadway’s top entertainers performed songs from their shows, including Hairspray, Rent, Wicked, Godspell, Chicago and Evita, with back up from an an all-star Broadway orchestra. Students from Sandy Hook schools also took the stage to perform, including the high school choir and a dance team.

I appreciated the evening because it gave everyone a moment to pause and be cared for through music and dance. We know for many in the audience and throughout Newtown, that it was only a pause. That life is forever changed.

(Photo courtesy of Grace Rainer Long)

In all, more than 700 volunteers made the evening an inspiring, loving, and empowering experience for the entire Newtown community. Close to 2,500 people attended the show – more than 1,000 of them the teachers and families of Sandy Hook Elementary School. I want to thank everyone involved in this wonderful and memorable event, most especially Van Dean, Brett Boles, Michael Unger, Jeffery Saver, and the many performers who stepped up to offer their talents in support of Newtown.

(Photo courtesy of Grace Rainer Long)

It was a very special night and one I shall always treasure!

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There is a saying that every dark cloud has a silver lining. In the context of the deaths of 20 innocent children and their teachers at the Sandy Hook Elementary School, it is hard to fathom how that could be true.

Yet in the wake of that horrific day, I have witnessed countless inspiring acts of charity, compassion and kindness that have strengthened my faith in the power and importance of our mission at the United Way: together, we can make a difference.

From this tragedy, the importance of community, faith and volunteerism has been reinforced, time and time again. We have received more than $8.5 million in donations from around the world for the Sandy Hook School Support Fund. Volunteers have staffed phones and warehouses, neighbors have cooked meals, thousands of notes of comfort have been sent to Newtown from all over the world — and no doubt we have all hugged our children a little tighter.

We have been reminded that there is no substitute for human connection. So much of our lives today happen online. But in time of our greatest need, we came together in shared spaces, at vigils and memorials across the community and the nation, to grieve and comfort one another.

We also have learned that we cannot sweep our social problems under the rug without consequence.

Moving forward, we must find a way to incorporate the lessons we have learned, and continue to learn, into our daily lives. Not only to prevent future tragedies and to honor the memories of those we lost on that fateful day, but also because they are the keys to unlocking our true potential, as individuals and a community.

I’m not sure I would call that a silver lining, but I am hopeful that we can shine light into in the shadow of this tragedy, as we can continue working together to improve lives and strengthen our communities.

Kim Morgan

Chief Executive Officer

United Way of Western Connecticut

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On December 14 as I watched the enormity of the school shootings in Sandy Hook Elementary School begin to unfold, I realized that the United Way of Western Connecticut would need to play a role. We quickly worked with Newtown Savings Bank to get a fund set up that was legitimate and would be available for both the immediate and long-term needs of the community. This was clearly an unprecedented event. Determining how this fund would be needed would not be immediately known and those decisions would need to be made by local leaders and residents.

Since that Friday afternoon, I have been asked many times what our role is.  The film March of the Penguins kept coming to my mind, which I saw many years ago at the Edmond Town Hall movie theater in Newtown when my daughter was four years old.  Given the circumstances, you would think a story about penguins would be the furthest thing from my mind.  But upon further reflection, it occurred to me why this story kept returning to me.

The tale of the emperor penguins presents an analogy of United Way’s role and responsibility.

In the film, the mother penguin, after being close to starving, moves her egg to the father penguin in anticipation of a harsh winter. She then leaves for a long and arduous trek to the ocean to feed and refuel so that she can return for her new baby bird to take care of it and nurture it.

The father penguin keeps the egg safe all winter. Through blizzards and plummeting temperatures, the father penguin carries the egg on its feet, huddled together with all the other fathers holding eggs, leaning on each other to survive. If one of these birds is left outside the group, he does not survive.

When she is ready and able, the mother penguin returns to care for her young. And at that time the father penguin relinquishes the custody of the offspring, which has hatched and grown during the time the mother penguin restored her health.

I see the mother penguin as the Sandy Hook/Newtown community. It will take some time for the community leaders and residents to heal enough to make tough and clear-headed decisions for the future needs of the town.  They will most definitely refuel and return to steer their community’s future.

I see United Way of Western Connecticut as one of the father penguins. There are many eggs to care for, and so it takes many others to protect them all. The many service providers and volunteers who showed up to help are also acting as father penguins with eggs to care for. We are all leaning on each other during this difficult season.

I see our egg as the fund that was set up as the ‘Sandy Hook School Support Fund’. The purpose is general; to help the community heal in the way they determine is best.  It is ours to watch over and protect until the community returns to make the tough decisions ahead. It won’t take too long, but we will wait until they are ready. And that is our role and responsibility.

Kim Morgan

Chief Executive Officer

United Way of Western Connecticut

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Horrific and surreal. These  two words continue to go through my mind as our community mourns the lives and innocence lost in Sandy Hook CT. Everyone I know has a connection with someone directly impacted, because in close knit communities that is how life is. And hearing their stories is simply heart wrenching.

For those of us who are parents, this tragedy strikes your soul. What took place on December 14^th is incomprehensible.  I believe that if it were not for the preparedness and quick thinking of the teachers and administrators, there would have been even more devastation. My heart goes out to all the first responders who could never prepare for what they have had to face as part of their job. As a nation, we mourn with all the families who have lost loved ones. Our community will never be the same.

As soon as the news began to spread across our country, my phone began to ring from United Way colleagues who had experienced similar horrific tragedies. What an awful history we all now share. I am so appreciative for their support as they share stories about how their own communities in Colorado, Ohio, and Omaha  continue to recover.

We know from these other communities that have experienced school and mall shootings that when the media goes home and the volunteers return to their lives, that the families and town leaders, the local neighbors and businesses, and most importantly the surviving children have a long road ahead. We know that there will be long term effects. Survivors will need emotional and mental health support to grapple with the wake of the trauma.  It is these long term needs that I am most concerned about, and grateful that United Way’s role will be focused on this. We are committed to stand by our community for years to come.

The outpouring of support has been overwhelming. Callers from around the world have asked repeatedly “how can I help?” In response, United Way of Western Connecticut has established a community fund, and additionally is helping to coordinate services among our many social services that are responding in this crisis situation. Contributions to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund will be used as the local community determines. When the time is right, they will decide the how the dollars should be used. I hope people donate knowing their contribution will not last for just a day, but rather have impact for many years to come.

I have experienced this tragedy from the perspective of a mother, a mental health advocate, a CEO and a community leader. Each perspective draws different emotions from me. A quote was shared from Fred Rogers that has offered hope in these dark days and I share it with you. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ To this day, especially in times of ‘disaster’ I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

Thank you to our helpers; our first responders, teachers, leaders, social service providers, volunteers, and donors and all of those who care so deeply at this difficult time.

To donate to the Sandy Hook School Support Fund, you can send a check to:

Sandy Hook School Support Fund

c/o Newtown Savings Bank

39 Main Street, Newtown CT 06470

Or, checks may be dropped off at any Newtown Savings Bank branch location.

To donate online via credit card, go to http://www.uwwesternct.org/

Kim Morgan

Chief Executive Officer

United Way of Western Connecticut

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The Disney channel is often on in my house, since I have three young girls. And I will admit there are times that no one is in the room and I find myself watching one of the shows before realizing what I am doing! The shows often have outspoken and sharp-witted children, and if parents are present they are usually only fodder for the children, and you never really know who is parenting who.

One of my girls’ favorites involves four children (some presumed adopted) left in the care of a nanny and a butler as their parents travel the world. They are so happy, having adventures in NYC and having no sign of concern or troubled behavior even though their parents have basically abandoned them. Anyone who has ever provided care to a foster child knows that life is not easy and carefree for these children. Another favorite show in our house stars a family with five children ranging from teens to infants. There is never a mess in the house, and they enjoy spending all their time together. Obviously not reality TV.

I’m glad my girls think life is as simple as these shows; they have a blessed life. But having worked in social services professionally and in volunteer roles for 25 years, I have met many in our community who struggle every day. I’ve sat beside the young woman who feels so much pain she harms herself, talked with the mom who went from a ‘normal’ life to one filled with depression and fear, and cared for the young man who ended his life because he thought no one cared. I know families who have faced job loss or a health crisis that has turned their world upside down. I’ve cooked for the homeless person who was craving dignity and a new chance at life much more than the food they received. I’ve gone into prisons and felt confined, even knowing I could walk out at any time. And every day as I drive home from work I see the girls who are selling themselves to support their addictions, or have become addicted because they have to sell themselves to support their families. These are real people living among all of us, often unnoticed or judged.

But what inspires me in spite of the pain I’ve seen is two things. The first is how ordinary Americans, rich and poor, reach out to help those in need. Every day I have the privilege of seeing people I don’t personally know give to United Way. Sometimes it’s $25, sometimes it’s $25,000, and it amazes me. People give to help those they never meet. And volunteers step up every day and give their personal time and expertise for the same reasons. This philanthropy builds our community much more than anything our government can ever do.

The second thing that inspires me is that often the person I’ve met who is struggling in life still finds hope, appreciates those who have reached out, and always has something to teach me about perseverance.  I would not be the professional, the wife, the mother that I am today without being shaped by all those who have shared their lives with me.

I hope my girls never face these challenges; I want nothing more than for them to be safe, happy and loved just like the characters on their favorite TV shows. But if they ever do come face-to-face with unexpected turbulence, I know there are people out there who will support them, helping to carry them through the tough times. That’s what drives me to do the work I do, connecting people’s aspirations to those looking for hope for a better tomorrow.

I guess I’ll go turn the TV off now, no one else is in the room.

Kimberly Morgan
Chief Executive Officer
United Way of Western Connecticut