/Furiously rewriting Tom Lehrer’s “Whatever Became of Hubert?” with Matt Donovan references
Almost sent that as a tweet several times during the Islanders-Capitals playoff series, but never did. But it was true. If there’s one thing we do well around here, it’s arcane references to musical artists of the ’50s and ’60s*. Unfortunately — or perhaps fortunately — I didn’t hit on the last piece of that puzzle**** until Donovan had been restored to the lineup. Didn’t seem as timely then. And then the season was over. It was tucked away.
But ah, now Matt Donovan is hours away from unrestricted freedom, so what the heck.
I wonder how many people here tonight remember Matt Donovan; he used to be a Sound Tiger? From time to time you read something about him making a community appearance, or cheering the boys in the dressing room, or every now and then you read something in one of those “Where Are They Now?” columns, “Whatever became of Peter Ferraro” and “Matt Donovan” and so on. This became quite an issue last week when Travis Hamonic was hurt, and someone suggested the Islanders play Donovan, and the brass all said “Donovan who?” And all the Island was singing,
Whatever became of Dono?
He must be around, I’d guess?
Once he worked at the point
Now each day they anoint
Another young D to dress
Each gameday we know what the catch is
They send him upstairs with the scratches
Eighth defenseman’s a hard part, I know
When they call 9 through 12 for a go
We must protest this treatment, Dono
Don’t your #fancystats tout you?
As someone once remarked to Bono
“What’s ‘With Or Without You’?”
(Sorry about that)
Whatever became of you, Dono?
Your idleness can’t feel great
Are you sad? Is it gloom
While you wait in the room
For shoulders to separate?
Does Cappy, recalling when he was 8D
Say “I’ll do unto him like they did unto me”?
Are you glad you’re Group 6, not Group 2?
Dono, what happened to you?
*-Well, that and dropping references like “Group 6” like they’re everyday English, which I feel bad about until the mass media tells me without explanation that football players are at “OTAs**,” as if that’s not something that was made up a couple of years ago.
**-I mean, I cover sports and am a semicasual pro football fan, and I honestly had to look up what that stands for. What, they’re taking part in on-time arrivals? I know enough football to know that isn’t true.***
***-One of the other things we do well around here is digress dramatically in footnotes, though I concede it has been a while.
****-It was the U2 bit. “Are you glad you’re Group 6,” coincidentally, came first of all.